Got a friend......

[SM_in_FL]

Hi, Soc! hope your week has gone well. As stated above, I've got some questions with regards to a situation a friend is in.
Here's the background: He has a child born out of wedlock in 94. He leaves first bm and meets his current wife. They get married in 97 and now have two kids. First Bm sues for Childsupport and he's been paying it since 98 via central depository. Now, his current wife is not a very happy camper and seems to be preparing to file for divorce. They've been married for 7 years and have 2 kids in common plus their older children born before the marriage. Now here are my questions:

1) Does the child born in 94 take priority with regards to CS or do the kids born out of the marriage or how is that divided up?

2) My buddy and his wife are still together, but if she's really going to file, don't they have to be separated a certain amount of time first?

3) If she goes ahead and files without the separation time, what is likely to happen courtiwese? I mean do they get sent to mediation to try to fix the relationship or what?

4) Would he be able to get one of the kids for custody and if so would that cancel out child support for the other kid in his wife's custody?

5) Would he be forced to pay alimony or is that only if the spouse is not working?

6) From what I understand, she's mentioned wanting to settle everything out of court,so what would be the best way for him to approach this? What should he ask her for?

7) What would be his rights regarding his SS? He basically raised him from 5 months of age.

8) Would she still be able to see her SD? If she requested this as being in sd's best interests to have a continuing relationship with her siblings?

9) Any other suggestions would be gravy!


Thanks Soc!
SM

[socrateaser]

If I say "you" below, I refer to your "friend."

>1) Does the child born in 94 take priority with regards to CS
>or do the kids born out of the marriage or how is that divided
>up?

In some jurisdictions, the court will reduce the obligor's disposible income by the amount of any other CS orders before calculating a new order. In others, the court will make a new order based on what would have been ordered had both orders been imposed simultaneously, which usually results in the obligor being garnished for more than the 50% of disposible income federal maximum, and then arrears will begin to build up on both accounts, because the employer will be forced to reduce payments on both orders in order to stay below the federal limits.

A person subjected to the above, can return to the first court and request a downward mod on the origial order, in order to eliminate the arrears buildup, and in some jurisdictions, it will be granted, and in others, it won't.

Fertility certainly has its price, huh?

>2) My buddy and his wife are still together, but if she's
>really going to file, don't they have to be separated a
>certain amount of time first?

Nope. One second is sufficient.

>
>3) If she goes ahead and files without the separation time,
>what is likely to happen courtiwese? I mean do they get sent
>to mediation to try to fix the relationship or what?

N/A

>
>4) Would he be able to get one of the kids for custody and if
>so would that cancel out child support for the other kid in
>his wife's custody?

Depends on the facts. Courts are extremely reluctant to divide siblings. You must act in your child(ren)'s best interests, no matter what. However, if you fear an imminent separation, then I strongly suggest that you (1) remove one half of all of your liquid assets (cash) to a separate account in your name only, and (2) the second that it appears that your spouse is making arrangements to leave the family home with the kids, FILE for divorce and get a temporary order preventing the kids from being removed from the family home.

RULE #1 in family law: Whoever has the kids when the parties appear in court wins. PERIOD. Nothing else really matters. The court balances the rights of the spouses equally, and then uses the kids interests to break the tie. So, if you don't have the kids, you lose everything you ask for, 99% of the time.

>
>5) Would he be forced to pay alimony or is that only if the
>spouse is not working?

Spousal Support (the politically correct expression for alimony) is awarded based on factors that are very specific to the state where the divorce takes place. In general, in every state except TX, the court will attempt to maintain the marital standard of living (msol); the more disproportionate the income of the spouses, the more spousal support is ordered. In some jurisdictions, the parties can negotiate to terminate spousal support. If you're in one of those jurisdictions, then I strongly advise that you spend whatever money is required in order to accomplish this. In other jurisdictions, the court retains jurisdiction to award spousal support regardless of the parties' desires.

If both spouses are working at the time of divorce, both earn sufficient income to support themselves, and their respective incomes are within 20% of each other, the court may not order support. But it's a very tough call on no facts, and right now I have no facts.


>
>6) From what I understand, she's mentioned wanting to settle
>everything out of court,so what would be the best way for him
>to approach this? What should he ask her for?

There are five possible issues in every divorce: property division, child support, spousal support, child custody, attorney fees. When you get divorced, your opponent is your enemy, whether you like it or not. You must tread a fine line between asking for everything and pissing the other person off, and allowing your emotions to cause you to give up everything. Figure out where you want to end up, and then move halfway to your benefit. Then negotiate back to where you wanted to be.

Remember, in a divorce, both parties will get equal treatment from the court, but the kids interests will ALWAYS tip the scales -- so concentrate on the kids.

>
>7) What would be his rights regarding his SS? He basically
>raised him from 5 months of age.

He can ask for visitation based on the existence of a parent-child relationship, however, the court doesn't have to grant it unless he shows that the other parent is acting against the child's interests in refusing to permit visitation.

>
> Would she still be able to see her SD? If she requested
>this as being in sd's best interests to have a continuing
>relationship with her siblings?

Same answer as #7, but parties are reversed.

[SM_in_FL]

1) Ok, so lets say the parties agree to allow eachother visitation with eachother's skids, can the bioparents (the ex, exes) object to this access if the court awards it? In otherwords, would the third party bio parents objection supercede any agreement made by the divorcing parties?

2) Want to make sure I get this, in summary, my buddy basically has to stay in the marital home and try to annoy his wife enough to get her to take off, without the kids?

Thanks again, Soc!
SM  

[socrateaser]

>1) Ok, so lets say the parties agree to allow eachother
>visitation with eachother's skids, can the bioparents (the ex,
>exes) object to this access if the court awards it? In
>otherwords, would the third party bio parents objection
>supercede any agreement made by the divorcing parties?

ALL custody agreements, other than those made within the framework of an intact marriage, must be ordered by a court to be valid. Parents cannot "agree" to some custody arrangement and expect it to have the force of law without a judge's signature on the agreement. Everyone with an interest in the child needs to join the case and have their rights determined by the court.

>
>2) Want to make sure I get this, in summary, my buddy
>basically has to stay in the marital home and try to annoy his
>wife enough to get her to take off, without the kids?

Well, I wouldn't do any annoying -- that could lead to a restraining order against your friend and a forced exit from the family home. I would pay attention to my kids, pay my bills, and go on with my life. If my spouse is not emotionally "in" the marriage anymore, then I would file for divorce myself and get it over with.

Women usually exit a relationship emotionally, about a year before they exit it physically. Men are almost always caught napping by this behavior. If a man "thinks" his spouse is considering divorce, then the marriage has been over for a long time and he's just getting wind of it now. When the flame of love dies, there is no relighting it -- and I don't give a rat what Dr. Phil or any other therapist claims.

Anyway, life is too short to be with someone who doesn't love and respect you PASSIONATELY.

[SM_in_FL]

:D