Final hearing tomorrow morning 7-23!!

[Iamallmykidsmom]

We have been going for custody for the past year. Evaluation report came back in my DH favor completely with recommendation to change custody from bm's to ours , court hearing is tomorrow. Our Attorney says he has never seen a judge go against an evaluators report. I hope this is another win for fathers everywhere!! These children are very emotionally hurt by bm and all the games the past year, it's truly been a disgusting experience.
I have a few questions after stating facts :
Contempt was filed against dh because his mom kept children after hearing of CPS being called on Abuse charges by bm.Kept 24 hours past time to hand them back. Police involved , non-violent of course. At last court date he was found in contempt. Both myself and dh's mom were subpoenaed to testify on bm's behalf as their witness. I wrote a letter( letter had delivery confirmation), and she called to the lawyer to explain we would not be there, we were both told it was OK by bm's lawyer. Dh's mother was admitted to the hospital ( which was why she couldn't be there) and I had a pre-scheduled medical tested ( 3 months in advance! ) We both have declarations by 2 doctors each stating why we could not be attend the hearing. Apparently even AFTER DH was found by judge to be in contempt, lawyer cried that we weren't there ( didn't mention letter or phone call though! ) and judge held bench warrants until tomorrows hearing.

Questions:
1. Are declarations from our doctors enough to not show up for  a hearing after being supboened, even though lawyer knew in advance we both wouldn't be there? What will the judge do if anything? ( DH is getting community service for contempt since he is supposed to now have custody of children)

2. What do judges normally do once the evaluators report comes back in the favor of one parent and recommends the parent now have primary custody? What are any ways in which he would revert custody back to bm , if any , after eval recommends other parent? ( mother has continualy withheld visitation from DH, played games with times and dates, manipulated and lied to children about us, tried filing false abuse allegations etc.)

3.I am supposed to be in court tomorrow ( terrified of court rooms and have panic attacks! ) what should I expect regarding the " bench warrant " issue?

4. Any advice for a very nervous stepmom?

Thank you Soc!! I really appreciate any advice or comments you can give me.
Iamallmykidsmom

[socrateaser]

>1. Are declarations from our doctors enough to not show up for
> a hearing after being supboened, even though lawyer knew in
>advance we both wouldn't be there? What will the judge do if
>anything? ( DH is getting community service for contempt since
>he is supposed to now have custody of children)

If the grandmother was admitted to the hospital because of an illness beyond her control, then it is not possible to show that her failure to attend was willful, therefore no contempt. If you were scheduled for a medical test, unless that test could not be rescheduled and concerned a potentially life threatening medical condition, then your actions were willful, and you can be found in contempt, as witness must make extraordinary efforts to answer a subpeona for trial.

>
>2. What do judges normally do once the evaluators report comes
>back in the favor of one parent and recommends the parent now
>have primary custody?

You're breaking the rules. The judge gives great weight to the eval. I cannot tell what the decision will be, however.

>What are any ways in which he would
>revert custody back to bm , if any , after eval recommends
>other parent?

I don't understand the question.

>
>3.I am supposed to be in court tomorrow ( terrified of court
>rooms and have panic attacks! ) what should I expect regarding
>the " bench warrant " issue?

You will likely be sanctioned monetarily, and/or sentenced to community service.

>
>4. Any advice for a very nervous stepmom?

Heroin.

[jilly]

ROFLMBO@heroin!!!  OMG!!

[Iamallmykidsmom]

Warrants were dropped on basis of our doctors declarations.

 BM's lawyer played a game all day trying to break down the eval report ( Evaluator was called as a witness for 4 hours! ) and everything they tried to do would NOT change his mind as to whom custody should be given. We go back now again in August, even though all was supposed to be final last week!

 Question:
1.
 I am extremely nervous about being called to be a witness on the stand, and have had severe panic attacks  each time just sitting in the court room. My doctor excused  me as per being called as a witness but our lawyer says it's better that I " just do it and get it over with". Anyone who understands a PA, understands it's not that easy to do.
Is there any way I could speak with the judge and lawyers in chambers, NOT on the stand in the courtroom?  One on one is fine. Otherwise I'd be sitting there  freaking out.
I know this may sound stupid to all of you, but it is very real for me and terrifying.

[socrateaser]

> I am extremely nervous about being called to be a witness on
>the stand, and have had severe panic attacks  each time just
>sitting in the court room. My doctor excused  me as per being
>called as a witness but our lawyer says it's better that I "
>just do it and get it over with". Anyone who understands a PA,
>understands it's not that easy to do.
>Is there any way I could speak with the judge and lawyers in
>chambers, NOT on the stand in the courtroom?  One on one is
>fine. Otherwise I'd be sitting there  freaking out.
>I know this may sound stupid to all of you, but it is very
>real for me and terrifying.

You could ask the judge to clear the courtroom for your testimony, but unless all attorneys and parties' agree, then there will be at least 7 people present for your testimony, plus you: judge, 2 attorneys, 2 parties, court reporter and bailiff.

[Iamallmykidsmom]

Question:

1. What happens if the witness isn't able to testify? What does the court do if someone is so terrified they can't speak or answer questions??    This has been such a horrifying ordeal to begin with for the past 2 years, and though it is finally over and is completely going in our favor, I truly fear I could screw up everything with my fear of testifying! It is physically draining and mentally disabling to go through a panic attack in private, I couldn't imagine in public.

[socrateaser]

>Question:
>
>1. What happens if the witness isn't able to testify? What
>does the court do if someone is so terrified they can't speak
>or answer questions??

If you are so terrified as to be deemed not competent to testify, then you will probably be excused.  However, I can't tell from the facts whether this may have a negative impact on your case.

You need to get some therapy if this is such a big problem for you. It's out of my scope of expertise.

[Iamallmykidsmom]

Thank you Soc, I feel it's such an easy thing for most people to do, but for me, it's huge. I had a dog catcher ticket years ago and had a VERY bad experience with a judge in what should have been a very simple case. Instead , was handcuffed before I had a clue as to what is going on,  just to " scare me" the judge later said. Well, it most certainly did. Traumatized me is more like it!! I wish I could do this, but I"m having panic attacks , nightmares and have been extremely irritable since learning I"ll be called and MADE to do this when I know and our lawyer knows the circumstances of why I feel I will be completely unable to do this.

I just am at a loss. This case alone has taken such a toll on me. I've lost 3 babies before term due to stress in the past 3 years , and that alone is enough  to make someone lose it, but I've held it together and kept the pain inside in order to get the children where they need to be. The BM has played game after game, kept the children away from DH for 2 months at a time twice in the past year, made false accusations with CPS which were all deemed unfounded, but it's just really taken it's toll. I"ve made declarations where ever I possibly could to help, but the lawyer has known from the beginning that I can NOT testify. It's BM's lawyer calling me. I just want all this overwith and the children where they belong , here with us and get them the emotional help they need and just finally be able to totally love them  and let them know they have a home where they don't have to play parent against parent. I"m also divorced and the relationship with my ex and I is fantastic. While I do understand everyone isn't like us, this is just totally the extreme and very difficult for me to understand how anyone can possibly treat others like this and pull these kinds of games with their childrens minds and live with them selves.

Thank you again Soc!

[KAT]

Kiddo, I feel for ya! I'm the same way. My office faces the street & every time I see the sheriff drive by I nearly faint. Not sure if this will help you or not but I took Valerin from Wonderlabs.com I don't have anything to do with this company other then I first discovered it to help with my now adult son's ADD. A little over 2 years I was chomping on this stuff. It was either that or move to the mountains & become a hermit.  Free sample, upper left comes with a comprehensive booklet. Sublingual B12, get rid of caffine & working out until you are totally exhausted at night followed by a warm lux (YES, spend a few dollars on yourself!) bath should help too!
You have no control over this mess!! Therefore worrying isn't going to help any now is it? You are only destroying yourself with your own mind.
Rent some comedies!
*HUGS*
KAT