Take Your Girlfriend or Wife to the Hairdresser and You Could Be Accused of Dome...

[Brent]

Salons resisting call to serve as domestic abuse watchdogs

By Rhonda J. Miller
Staff Writer
Posted July 23 2004

Hairdressers statewide are being trained to watch for signs of domestic abuse and discreetly put hotline numbers on nail files, mirror stickers and business cards.

Few Palm Beach County salons have been willing to take part, however.

"This is probably the most resistance I've gotten to any of the programs we've done," said Kim Amigone, county coordinator for Cut Out Domestic Violence, a program initiated by Attorney General Charlie Crist.

"I'm not really surprised that there's resistance to this, but I'm disappointed."

She called salons in Boca Raton, Delray Beach, Boynton Beach, Lantana and Wellington for weeks, Amigone said. After being consistently refused, she decided to go in person.

Even then, only two salons agreed to two hours of training before the June 30 state deadline for the first training session. The salons didn't want to be identified.

That's not the case in other parts of the state. So far, 440 employees have been trained in 31 sessions at salons and cosmetology schools across Florida. Groups in four other states have inquired about the program.

"We are looking to the stylists, because they are such good listeners and have relationships with clients," said Marilyn Trigg, director of training and technical assistance for the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Hairdressers are warned not to counsel or report abuse, just to watch for signs someone is overly controlling, for instance, driving a wife or girlfriend to the salon too often.

"It could be very innocent. But if a husband or boyfriend is at every single hair appointment, that could be a huge warning sign of domestic violence," Amigone said.

(A "huge warning sign"? Please, get a grip. Is there anything a man can do that isn't classifiable as "abuse"? Do these people even know what "domestic violence" is??   ...Brent)


The state coalition certifies domestic violence centers and is working with the Attorney General's Office on the program for hairdressers and nail technicians. The state group trained staff members from area centers in March. Thirty-seven of the state's 40 certified domestic violence centers are taking part.

Domestic violence centers that persuaded salons to participate by the June deadline received $500 to cover the cost of training, meeting space and refreshments. Another $500 is available for a second training session by Dec. 31.

"It's a touchy subject. People don't want to hear about it," said Pam O'Brien, executive director of Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse in Delray Beach. "It cuts across all economic boundaries and it's played out in different ways. It can lead to harassment, stalking and being absent from work. Domestic violence is everybody's business.

"We want the victims to know that they're not alone and it's not their fault."

The group usually trains professionals, such as nurses, social workers, school staff and health department employees who work directly with women and families. They teach them how to recognize the signs of abuse and direct victims to help. State law requires only that police and hospital workers report signs of domestic violence on adult victims.

Statistically, three out of 10 women are being abused and one out of three teenage girls will be in an abusive relationship before age 20, according to Amigone. Men also can be victims of abuse, and the training takes that into account.

"People in abusive relationships are everyday people," Amigone said. "They're professionals, students, teens. They're your parents."

In abusive relationships among upscale couples, the man often wants the woman to keep up with appearances and society pressures, Amigone said.

"He wants to make sure she gets her hair and nails done and looks like the pretty little wife," she said.

With younger couples, the man often wants to control what a girl wears, when they're going to have sex and who she talks to, even to the point of checking her cell phone log, Amigone said.

"I talked with two middle school girls, and they told me their boyfriends had them on lockdown," said Amigone, meaning they couldn't go anywhere or do anything alone.

The dangerous part is that the girls were happy about it. "They think it's cool. They think it's love," she said.

Rhonda J. Miller can be reached at [email protected] or 561-243-6605.

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/palmbeach/sfl-bb23hairjul23,0,3304716.story?coll=sfla-news-palm

[joni]

dear lord, what a waste of taxpayer dollars.  

the stereotyping of assuming that because a man accompanies you to a hairdresser appointment...he must be a control freak.  my DH and I run tons of errands together because 1) we can spend more time together doing tasks and 2) be more efficient.

I can one up this.  My DH is a surgeon.  During his divorce from the PBFH, he was accused of something similar.  The year prior to them having a child, my husband perscribed his Ex birth control pills.  He did this because they had just moved from NY to MI.  Her perscription ran out.  A NY doctor cannot perscribe meds in MI.  So my DH wrote her up a no brainer script for birth control pills for one year.  This is what any GYN would do.

During the divorce, my husband was accused of DV.  Of course, one of the proofs of evidence was this perscription for birth control pills.  According to his EX, my DH did this to control her reproductive cycle and have control over when they had children.

My DH has been perscribing my high blood pressure pills for two years now.  Basically, because I'm too lazy to find a new doctor in the area where we live.  It's the same basic perscription that I have been taking for 14 years.  Am I to say he's doing this because he's controlling me from having a heart attack or stroke?  If he refused to write the script...is he trying to kill me.

WARNING GUYS....as you go through your divorces or ongoing child visitation/custody battles...everything you held sacred in your marriage will be twisted and will be used to bite you in teh a$$.

[msme]

perhaps others will also.

My letter:

I read your article & find the whole idea of training hairdressers to recognize "female victims of domestic violence"  to be an outrageous waste of taxpayers money. In a country where DV outreach is on every TV station, (including a spot from a federal agency that says, "Teach your sons not to abuse" No mention of teaching girls not to do it) in every newspaper, in every magazine & in schools, to suggest that people using hairdressers need protecting, is rediculous.

While you did say, "Men also can be victims of abuse", what are these hairdressers going to be taught about recognizing it? Your article also said that, "Hairdressers are warned not to counsel or report abuse, just to watch for signs someone is overly controlling, for instance, driving a wife or girlfriend to the salon too often."

"It could be very innocent. But if a husband or boyfriend is at every single hair appointment, that could be a huge warning sign of domestic violence," Amigone said.  

Did you ever consider that the poor guy might be forced to haul his abusive wife's butt around, whether he wants to or not. Oh no!! That should never be considered! But more often than not, it is probably the case.

So, just what are they going to do about the woman who sits in the chair & talks about what she does to her husband or the ones who sit there & brag about how she is keeping "HER" kids from her "EX"?

This is happening everyday all over the world & all you can figure out to do about domestic violence &  abuse, is to support teaching hairdressers to count how many times a guy brings his wife in to get her hair done. Please stop & think how ludicrous that is. Those funds could be spent for so many more important causes.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[joni]

in our society of litigation....it's just a matter of time before a hairdresser is sued over this.  I can foresee a woman who gets battered....decides to sue her hair salon for failure to recognize this potential and information the authorities....ergo....causing her to become battered.

[Rakkasan]

... As part of the training of these hairdressers does that state have the hairdressers inquire of the customer when she expects to complete the 12 step program at AA and get her license back so she can drive herself to her own appointments?  

[NoNicky]

Call me stupid but I actually enjoy it if DH goes with me.  It usually means he's gone out of his way to carve extra time out of his day for me and that he will drive me, open the door for me, and usually insists on more pampering for me than I would have dared asked for myself.  Most of the time he actually has a better eye for what style looks good on me than I do.  

Some people just don't get it do they?

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[DecentDad]

My wife accompanied me to my barber two weeks ago, in between other errands we had.

She sat ominously on a bench reading magazines.

I tried to wink in morse code to the barber, but he wasn't educated about spousal barberism.

Is there a hotline for male victims?

[Peanutsdad]

Unfortunately,, my ex IS a batterer.

[loisl]

It so happens that I'm a hairdresser. I don't see how a husband driving his wife to the hairdresser means he's battering her. I would be more inclined to think an abusive husband WOULDN'T want his wife to pamper herself by going to the salon. I guess if he not only went, but stood over his wife making sure she didnt' get her hair done in a way he didn't like, that could be a possible warning sign, but simply driving her wouldn't be. I can never remember having a client that made me think she might be battered, that doesn't mean none of my clients were battered women, but if they were, I had no way of recognizing it. Trying to reach out to battered women is a good and worthy cause, but I don't know if this is the best way.

[joni]

Loisl....how would you like to be sued by a client for your failure to recognize her as a battered woman?  stranger things have happened.....