Decent Dad Wins! (that's me)

[DecentDad1]

I noticed the messages posted about my website //www.DecentDad.com and I felt I should say a few words before the site is taken down.

First of all, if you haven't heard the good news, I got equal custody of my daughter!!! 50/50! Total equality, physical and legal custody, with NEITHER parent named Primary Residential Parent. Someone told me that doesn't happen very often. See the "Latest News" section of my site. As part of the deal I struck, the billboards and the website must come down within two weeks.

Now, the "original" decent dad posted a message asking if I had stolen his idea. As he says, his site came down in 2003, and I had no reason to look at ANY custody-related or father's rights websites before January of 2004, when my struggle started (see the Timeline of my website). So no, I wasn't aware of your site, sir. After I started my research I did become aware of a site called "DecentDads" based out of Texas, but that site's design and approach is completely different from mine.

Someone else said my writing seemed too unemotional. That was deliberate on my part, and overly emotional sections were deleted as part of my ruthless editing process. Far too many dads have let their emotions get the better of them in these situations, and I wasn't going to lose my cool. I didn't write down even *half* of the stuff that happened that morning, but I can safely say I sat in stunned silence most of the time. Someone, whose name I will NOT mention, said to me that morning: "You want to play hardball with me? Let's go!" I didn't respond to that, or any of the other less than civil remarks that were directed at me. But in my mind, the gears were beginning to turn and I began formulating my plan.

Certainly I wrote very emotional, drawn-out descriptions of what happened that day, but I didn't make them public. I disagree with the person who said it is unhealhty not to "vent" on your website. If you've designed your website to be seen by large numbers of people, people whose opinions you want to influence, a lot of those people are going to be turned off from someone who comes across as emotionally unhinged, and if the "venting" gets too intense a lot of people might think "this guy is too disturbed to be a good father." Most dads have never experienced what it's like to be treated as less than equal in American society, and when they experience injustice first hand many of them respond in a knee-jerk outraged fashion. Totally understandable (believe me I know) but totally counter-productive.

Also, I knew I'd be shooting myself in the foot if I said anything derogatory about mom. The billboards and the website DO NOT VILIFY mothers. I know there's a lot of anger out there, but we've got to be gentlemen in this crusade, even when we are spit on (literally and figuratively). One of my role-models is Atticus Finch. HE was a true Father 4 Justice. We've got to stress the one element of our cause which no American with a straight face can effectively criticize--EQUALITY. This is the element we've got to focus on, not child support payments. In cases of true 50/50 (theoretically) there should be no CS from mom or dad since they both have the child the same amount of time. Ironically, the less a dad sees his child, the more he has to pay.

Anyway, wanted to share the good news and join the discussion. I can't go into much detail about the specifics of my case, but I can say that even though the billboards are coming down, I've got something else in the works that I think will raise awareness of our cause to an even higher level. Thanks to the people of this board that have taken the time to write me & offer their words of support. I needed it.
Jon

[MYSONSDAD]

I had went to your site and found it very interesting and liked your idea.

Your right, emotions need to find their own place and in their own time.

So glad to hear the good news!
Congrats!

[RyCoSi]

Congratulations Jon and I totally agree with you as far as keeping your emotion intact. You got the job done and I am sure for all the right reasons. I am supporting and helping my son in every way possible what was once a battle for visitation now turned into a battle for full custody. I have learned a lot along the way, you get a lot more with kindness and willingness than you do with accusations. For my son I have seen him lose it but and like you rightly so, he has had to deal with false allegations, he finally got to see his son for the first time since he was born and I will tell you he has to sell his soul to do iut. I wish you all the luck with your daughter and HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!!!

Sandy

[wendl]

I am so glad your daughter gets to see mom and dad each 50/50 that is how it should be, it takes two parents to create these little miracles, and it takes to parents to raise them.

Best wishes to you and your little sweetie.

[kitten]

Congratulation!!!!! :) I am so happy for you and your little girl!  Just in time for Father's Day!
I hope my bf will be so lucky, the heat of battle is beginning to kill him.
The court evaluator/phsychologist decides this Thursday whether the bm of his three innocent children (3, 5, 7) can move them from CA to AK so that she can marry a man she got engaged to 3 mo. after the separation, only got to know him over the phone, and the children have never met.  He lives in a town with a pop. of 840, the highest temp. of the year is in July, 60 degrees.  You can imagine what the winters are like.  The children have lived in No. CA their whole lives.  This battle has gone in her favor because of the court system supporting her false allegations of abuse.  She did not need proof, she only needed to express her "fear" that the man she has always told everyone was such a wonderful father will hurt his children.  
I am a divorced woman with two beautiful daughters (7, 5) and I know first hand how easy it has been for this poor excuse of a mother to convince the court that my bf is an abusive father.  Literally, everytime I went to the courthouse someone there would ask me if I feared the girls father for any reason.  They even gave me some ideas!!!  When I told them "No, I do not fear him, he is a good Dad and I want 50/50."  They looked at me like maybe he had brainwashed me to say that!  Even one of the judges asked if I had been cooerced in any way by him and when I said "No", he looked as if he thought I was lying.  I was told many times I could get a restraing order if I told them that I "feared" for my safety.  Not only was it offered openly to me as an option, but when I told them it was not necessary, they looked at me with pity!!!  My ex had NO SAY, I could have destroyed his life!  He is a good Dad and my girls deserve to have him.  It frightens me that so many women feel that kids don't need Dads.  What is wrong with these people?

[Lovingdad]

Kind Sir,  I wish you a belated Father's Day!
I tried to go to your website, but got an error.  Could you please provide me with some background information on what you did to get 50/50 arrangement, please?  I just made my first post under "Father's Issues" that will give you my whole story.

Your help is appreciated more than you can know (actually you probably do know)!  Congratulations!

[DecentDad]

Cool beans!

Glad it happened so fast for you in a way that's presumed best for your son.

Now... you had mentioned some vision of promoting all the good fathers out there on billboards across America.  :)

[vindigo]

Let me know how?
I'm almost there..... I'm in Florida.
e-mail: [email protected]

[imdaddy]

OMG!  That's absototalf@ckinglutlely awesome!!  Congratulations!!
Sheesh, I'd give my right eye (literally), and possibly a kidney too, to get 50/50.  
That like NEEEEEVER happens.  ;o)~

Care to share/can you share your pleading/notes?

Thanks
Imdaddy (soon to go thru an eval myself)

[harlequin]

I'm harlequin, over in Fathers' Issues.  I'm new here and it looks like I posted in the wrong place.

If I'm really lucky, I'll get 70/30.

If I'm really unlucky, I'll get 30/70 from distance.

Y'all please come over to Fathers' Issues. PUHLEEESE!!!!!