Meeting my daughter at fiffteen years old

[landru]

I am new to this foram as you may know. I think I'll get right to the point. I had a six month affair with a woman who is now the mother of my fiffeen year old daughter. I and she were both married at the time. I am still married but she is not She was pregnent with my daughter at the time we were living together. She did however go back to her husband at the time and I was under the impression her husband was raising my daughter as his own. She was givin his last name. Fifteen years later I find out that they were divorced when my daughter was only two years old. She last January was forced to go on public assistance. Suffolk County child support divison contacted me and that is how I found out about all of this. Now I pay 1,000 a month and to boot my daughter says she dosent really want to have any kind of relationship with me. The mother trys to encourage but she is stubborn. I have tried for six months with phone calls to urge her to see me but she still insists that she dosn't need a father. She will however talk to me for an hour at a time on the phone. I really want to have a relationship with her and I can't give up trying. My wife is not exactly pleased with this situation. What can my daughter be thinking when she says she hasn't had a father all this time and dosen't need one now?

[kiddosmom]

Not knowing what the mother has told the child, it is normal for a teen to take this view. Your daughter may even have resentments in the fact that you knew about her and ignored her existance. Stay patient andd keep slogging along, your daughter will realize you are being honest in wanting to get to know her. It will take time, possibly years to be able to form a bond, do not rush anything.

Congradulation on now having a daughter.

[skye]

My oldest daughter met her father when she was 12 she went through this phase too... keep in mind it is a phase...

Now she spends the summers there and loves her step brothers and sisters dearly.. it takes time and patience ...

You have not been there and although the reasons may be valid to a child they are not in her mind she is saying he was never around so he is not going to stick around so I have to push him and push him to see if he will.. see if I am worth it to him... see if he loves me enough to keep trying.. DO NOT GIVE UP.. make it clear you are not going anywhere...

[landru]

Thanks for the quick reply. This situation has been on my mind constantly and I have had lots of advice. I like yours as you have a similar situation. Thanks again

[imdaddy]

Don't you dare give up.  She needs you, she just doesn't realize it yet!!  Congrats!  Girls rock!  :o)  
(happy daddy of a wonderful little woman)

[harlequin]

"She will however talk to me for an hour at a time on the phone."

She sounds kind of ambivalent to me.  I think if you were to cultivate these phone calls, she would come around to where a father and daughter should be.  

I think that's a sign that she'll come around.