My step-daughter lies.....

[onedaddy]

My husband and I are in the middle of a very ugly custody battle with his ex and the children's violent, ex-convict step-father. My 7 1/2 year old step-daughter lies constantly at the prodding of her mother, aunt and grandparents. She refuses to tell her daddy she loves him and won't hug or kiss him unless she wants something.  When my husband asks her why she denies him affection her response is I don't want to right now or I don't know. My 5 year old step son, says she doesn't because mommy or aunt sos and so or grandma tells her not to.  My husband tries to tell her it is not right for someone to tell her how to feel and she has responded, well there my family, or no response what so ever.  I understand this little girl is in a terrible poistion, but if she is given the slack to lie to daddy and the law guardian and the forensics, etc. about daddy now, then how will she ever realize lieing is wrong and will get her no where in life.  Should she be allowed to show her love only when she wants something? Do we give in and let it go considering the circumstances, even though this has been going on for well over a year?  We are fighting with everything we have for these children, and my husband is hurt and I am very angry.

[wendl]

Hey One,

I would continue to let her know she is her OWN person and it's ok for her to have her OWN feelings, and that you and DAD love her no matter what and she needs to treat others as she herself would like to be treated.

Can you get the court to order kids into counseling??

It's sad what kids get put thru.

My yss stepson said to me once "Wendl my mom doesn't like you but I really do" I said that is fine with me if mom doesn't like me if that is how she feels, but I am really glad you like me because I really like you too.

:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Kitty C.]

This child needs counseling and NOW.  If this is happening at the age she is at now, heaven forbid what it will be like for her later in life.  All the concerns you have for her future are extremely valid.  But the only way to pick it all apart is by therapy and counseling.  If you don't have enough time with her to be able to take her yourself, then you need to get it court ordered.

Your DH's relationship with her notwithstanding, she is in for some SERIOUS problems, all with ANY kind of relationship, in the future and for the rest of her life if something isn't done NOW.  This child is being told what to feel and getting it hammered into her every day.  It's going to take a LOT of work to get her out of that.  As for her ability to show love, I would think that would even be iffy.  If this continues, I'd think she wouldn't even be able to show love.......only when others 'prove' to her that they love her.  If things don't change, she's in for a very lonely life.  And you can bet her teenage years will be hell to go thru as well.  So many kids equate what they 'think' is love with sex and that's where they get into so much trouble.  When there's a warped sense of even what love is, that makes it that much more problematic.

[onedaddy]

In March, 2003, we asked the court to order the children for counseling, the mother had no objection in court so it was never written into an order and she never took either child.  In January 2004, she was ordered to take the children to therapy within 30 days, by June the children were still not seeing anyone and we filed a contempt order against her for this and many, many, many, many other things.  She finally took them in August.  My husband and I just got the therpist to return our calls.  She was informed of nothing.  In fact she had no idea there was even a divorce.  She thought their step-father was their father. It has been ordered the therapist not be allowed to participate in any court hearing for either side.  We requested this, so it could be all about the kids.  I am pretty sure she believes this is a new way to build a case for herself and is coaching them before they go in.  I gave the therapist as much info as I could to start with and I pray they be allowed to continue with therapy after our court case is over.  The ex has two prior contempt orders and one pending contempt order.  The court offers little more than a slap on the wrist and so she has little  reason to stop doing whatever she wants.  We live very far away and so it is very hard for us to get more involved than we are.