PLEASE HELP SAVE OUR KIDS

[tomitoss]

Hello,

Yes, it's me again. I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Please tell me what facts you need in order to help me.

Tomitoss

[socrateaser]

>Hello,
>
>Yes, it's me again. I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to
>you. Please tell me what facts you need in order to help me.
>
>Tomitoss

1. What is the exact text of your current custody orders?
2. What, if any, legal action (motion) is pending?
3. What facts do you believe demonstrate clearly and convincingly that custody should be modified in your favor?

[tomitoss]

1. There is no court ordered custody agreement as of yet since our divorce is not yet final. So far, we share legal custody but she has physical custody.

2. The divorce action is pending. My attorney is just about to begin a custody case in family court. At the same time, the girls' father and his attorney will be doing the same thing. Our overall goal is to have all three kids removed from the house my wife and her boyfriend are currently living in with them.

3.
a) The living arrangement I described is clearly unhealthy for all three kids; ex. the two girls have found used condoms on the floor of the computer room,
b) My wife and her boyfriend go out at nights (until after midnight) leaving the 2 girls (aged 14 & 12) to look after themselves and the 5 year-old boy,
c) The 12 year-old is failing at school,
d) the 5 year-old dropped in weight from 43 to 39 lbs in just this last week due to what he describes as tension in the house,
d) The 14 yr-old wants to leave the house and move in with her father in Boston but is afraid to because my wife warned her that she will be permanently disowned if she does,
e) The 12 yr-old also wants to leave for her father's home but is afraid to leave the 5 yr-old boy alone in the house,
f) My wife pinches the 5 yr-old when he protests against the living arrangement, sometimes leaving bruises (a large one was on his face over Xmas),
g) My wife disciplines the girls by continually grounding them and making them clean the entire house daily which leaves them little or no time to complete their homework,
h) The boyfriend is closer in age to the girls than he is to my wife and he already has 3 kids from 3 other women,
i) The boyfriend is unemployed and contibutes nothing to the running of the household.

And there are many other aspects to this situation. I think these are the kinds of things you are looking for, but if not, please let me know.

[socrateaser]

See HACKded comments, below:


>1. There is no court ordered custody agreement as of yet
>since our divorce is not yet final. So far, we share legal
>custody but she has physical custody.

If there is no court ordered custody, then you both have joint legal and physical custody, so, either there is a temporary order in place, or your assumption about the legal status of your circumstances is incorrect.

>2. The divorce action is pending. My attorney is just about to
>begin a custody case in family court. At the same time, the
>girls' father and his attorney will be doing the same thing.
>Our overall goal is to have all three kids removed from the
>house my wife and her boyfriend are currently living in with
>them.
>
>3.
>a) The living arrangement I described is clearly unhealthy for
>all three kids; ex. the two girls have found used condoms on
>the floor of the computer room
>b) My wife and her boyfriend go out at nights (until after
>midnight) leaving the 2 girls (aged 14 & 12) to look after
>themselves and the 5 year-old boy

You need to stop believing in your own conclusions, and simply investigate the facts as if you were an outside observer. Can you prove that the girls have found used condoms on the floor of the computer room? Can you prove that your wife goes out until after midnight, leaving the children alone. If you can't, then forget about it, because you're wasting your time making a conclusion based upon it -- it will be useless in the courtroom.

If you can prove these things with objective evidence, then they may be useful in showing that the children's mother is not a good custodian. However, the fact that she goes out with the boyfriend is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that SHE goes out. Don't use the boyfriend as a means of transferring your anger, or you will miss the objective. You must prove that the mother is not a proper caretaker for the children. The fact that she lives with a man who you don't like is irrelevant, unless the boyfriend is provably acting in a manner that is harmful to the children. And, even then, the mother can oust the boyfriend right before trial, and then your case will be shot, so concentrate on what the mother does, not the boyfriend.

>c) The 12 year-old is failing at school,

This could be attributed to the trauma of divorce, so by itself it's not gonna carry a lot of weight in my opinion.

>d) the 5 year-old dropped in weight from 43 to 39 lbs in just
>this last week due to what he describes as tension in the
>house,

The fact that you are weighing the children, and that you are complaining about 4 lbs., seems pretty obsessive to me. Would you be equally annoyed if the child gained 4 lbs.? The judge will wonder why you are micromanaging the kids. This is the kiss of death for a custody case. Stop doing it, and concentrate on loving your kids, not on how much they weigh.

>d) The 14 yr-old wants to leave the house and move in with her
>father in Boston but is afraid to because my wife warned her
>that she will be permanently disowned if she does

Is the child mature enough to testify to this competently? If so, then it could be valuable testimony. Otherwise, it may be of little value.

>e) The 12 yr-old also wants to leave for her father's home but
>is afraid to leave the 5 yr-old boy alone in the house.

If the 12 year old really wanted to leave, then she would leave, and it would have nothing to do with the 5 year old. I would be highly suspect of this child's statements.

>f) My wife pinches the 5 yr-old when he protests against the
>living arrangement, sometimes leaving bruises (a large one was
>on his face over Xmas).

Call the police. If you do not, then you're as much to blame for the abuse as the parent who's committing it.

>g) My wife disciplines the girls by continually grounding them
>and making them clean the entire house daily which leaves them
>little or no time to complete their homework

Irrelevant. Think about how that one would fall on the judge: "Your honor, my wife makes the children stay home and clean the house." Judge: "So what?"

>h) The boyfriend is closer in age to the girls than he is to
>my wife and he already has 3 kids from 3 other women,
>i) The boyfriend is unemployed and contibutes nothing to the
>running of the household.

Judge: "Do you have any evidence of how the boyfriend is harming the children, or are you just angry because the boyfriend is having sex with your wife? If it's the latter, then it's collateral, and I'm not gonna allow this line of questioning."

Now, before you get angry with me, understand that I'm being the devil's advocate. You are angry, but you need to direct your anger towards making a persuasive case in favor of your being granted custody. So far, you're not succeeding with me, and that means you're not gonna succeed with the judge, either. Start thinking only about the child's best interests and how you are in the better position to serve those interests, not how messed up the other parent is, or who she's screwing.

Then come back and give me a case that is a winner.

[tomitoss]

Thank you so much for your evaluations & input. They are most appreciated.
Do you have any suggestions?

Could you point me in the right directions?

[socrateaser]

>Thank you so much for your evaluations & input. They are most
>appreciated.
>Do you have any suggestions?
>
>Could you point me in the right directions?

I'm pretty sure that I just gave you a boatload of suggestions. But, I have one overall methodology:

1. Take each fact and write it down.
2. Then ask how that fact affects the child's interests.
3. Then, if you answer is negative, then ask yourself how you will prove that fact to the judge.
4. Then ask if you would believe your own proof if you received it from a complete stranger.
5. Finally, submit the proof that you believe your wife will offer to rebut your proof, to the same tests as above described.

If, when you've completed your analysis, you find in favor of your proof, then that is a fact that I would offer the court to support your custody case.