A few easy questions

[DecentDad]

Hi Soc,

We have joint/joint (per court ruling) with me at 35% timeshare.

There are no orders specific to how educational decisions shall be determined.

Daughter starts kindergarten in the fall.  Biomom has enrolled daughter in private K-8 Catholic school, which I'm debating just going along with.  We have two excellent public schools from which to choose as well.

Biomom claims her family will pay tuition.

I believe biomom won't agree to any stipulation, given our history.

Even if I go along with it, I'm concerned about biomom's ability to follow-through... which could disrupt child's education or cause a school transfer early on (i.e., chaos not good for the child).

1.  Biomom quotes FC3083 saying that she gets to make the choice, regardless of my agreement.  I see nothing in 3083 that says such.  Is she correct?

2.  Would it be reasonable to seek orders stating that biomom is responsible for child's private tuition, and if child can no longer attend said private school, I will determine her school choice (i.e., to avoid another chaotic placement)?

3.  School says that baptism is required for admission.  They say that my daughter is scheduled for a baptism in June.  This is news to me.  Is biomom required to share such decision/activity?  We have no orders on religion (i.e., I'm Jewish, and daughter attends temple with us, which biomom said she supported during deposition).

4.  If I decided I'm really against this school, will court more likely assign one of the parents to make an education decision rather than picking a school for the parents?

Thanks,
DD

[socrateaser]

>1.  Biomom quotes FC3083 saying that she gets to make the
>choice, regardless of my agreement.  I see nothing in 3083
>that says such.  Is she correct?

In the absence of orders specifying how educational decisions will be made, either of the joint custodians can exercise their authority. Effectively, this means that she can enroll the child in private school, and you can then immediately withdraw the child and enroll her in public school, and on and on, etc.

>
>2.  Would it be reasonable to seek orders stating that biomom
>is responsible for child's private tuition, and if child can
>no longer attend said private school, I will determine her
>school choice (i.e., to avoid another chaotic placement)?

No, because private school is not your responsibility. Your duty is to pay support, provide healthcare and exercise custody as per the court orders, and those are your ONLY duties.

>
>3.  School says that baptism is required for admission.  They
>say that my daughter is scheduled for a baptism in June.  This
>is news to me.  Is biomom required to share such
>decision/activity?  We have no orders on religion (i.e., I'm
>Jewish, and daughter attends temple with us, which biomom said
>she supported during deposition).

Same answer as for education. If you can't come to consensus, then have the court resolve the questions.

>
>4.  If I decided I'm really against this school, will court
>more likely assign one of the parents to make an education
>decision rather than picking a school for the parents?

The court will act in the child's best interests, based on each of you proving that your choice is to be preferred. However, as your ex is exercising custody on school days, you can't physically remove the child from private school, because it's not on your watch.

If this is a big deal, then you need to prove that the public school is to be preferred. I would stay clear of religious issues, because faith is inherently unprovable, i.e., no person's faith can be proven on the facts to be more in the child's interests (unless the particular faith is so socially disruptive that no reasonable person would accept it).

I think you should consider giving the mother enough rope to hang herself with -- maybe she won't be able to pay the bill. If you choose this avenue, I'd write a letter to her stating that you think that she is taking on too great an expense and that it will harm the child's interests by ultimately diverting support from other necessities into private school, but that you will not start a battle over this issue.

I know you say that the grandparents are picking up the tab. My experience is that grandparents frequently start out with showing how they can afford to shower the newly divorced mother with gifts, and then all of a sudden, when times get tuff, the gifts dry up. Private school is not a $20 Barbie -- it's serious dough.

[DecentDad]

Thanks for answers to those questions.

So on showing which school is preferred, is it just preponderance of evidence, clear and convincing evidence, what?

Biomom has been presumably floated by her family for years, so I'm not sure about the well drying up.  However, both her parents are 70+, so it's possible they may die before 8th grade.

Criteria on schools

A)  Biomom has the #3 rated public school in L.A. County (i.e., of 1800 schools) in her district, based upon API score.  Private school is unknown, due no standard requirements.

B) Public school is one-half mile from her residence.  Private school is 6 miles away.

B) The public school has a better teacher/pupil ratio

C) The public school has better computer/pupil ratio

D) Both schools have many decades of experience

E) Public school is free.  Private school will be $800/month (i.e., it's cheaper than most) plus uniforms, books, etc.  Biomom claims to have $400/month net income, so if her family stops paying, daughter is done there.


1.  If Petitioner can't show how private is better, would the above would be enough to lean a judge toward public?  Or is there an inherent attitude that private schools are better than public unless otherwise shown?

2.  Does judge give any bias (in terms of which parents' perspective is better) to biomom bringing child to school on 16 of 20 days per month?

3.  If judge picks private school, would part of the order necessarily be that biomom will pay for it (i.e., in that you've said I can't be ordered to pay for private school if adequate public school is available)?

Thanks,
DD

[socrateaser]

>1.  If Petitioner can't show how private is better, would the
>above would be enough to lean a judge toward public?  Or is
>there an inherent attitude that private schools are better
>than public unless otherwise shown?

Your job would be to present your case for the public school. Her job would be to present a case for the private school. If you were to go to the school and ask it to give you its case for why you should send your child there instead of the #3 rated public school in L.A. County, what would be the response? That is the case you must defeat, because that would be the only case that your ex could present.

If you can defeat that case, you win. Otherwise, not.

>2.  Does judge give any bias (in terms of which parents'
>perspective is better) to biomom bringing child to school on
>16 of 20 days per month?

This is a random input, and as such, it could fall either way. Therefore, I would ignore it, because "a card unseen is a card unseen, whether it's in someone else's hand, in the deck, or buried in the discard pile." -- Stanford Wong, Professional Blackjack

>
>3.  If judge picks private school, would part of the order
>necessarily be that biomom will pay for it (i.e., in that
>you've said I can't be ordered to pay for private school if
>adequate public school is available)?

The judge might order it, but he can't order you to pay, so whether he does or not is irrelevant.

[Stepmomnow]

What about access to school information?  I know public schools are subject to Federal Regs re giving info to both parents.  But would private schools be subject to the same regs?  May this be a way for BM to keep Dad from getting info or being involved with child's schooling?

[socrateaser]

>What about access to school information?  I know public
>schools are subject to Federal Regs re giving info to both
>parents.  But would private schools be subject to the same
>regs?  May this be a way for BM to keep Dad from getting info
>or being involved with child's schooling?

If the private school receives no public money, then it is not subject to federal law and does not have to disclose info. However, in DecentDad's case, he is a joint legal custodian, so he is entitled to the information. In a worst case scenario, he could obtain a court order instructing the other parent to execute whatever documents were necessary for DecentDad to obtain full disclosure from the private school.

[DecentDad]

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