Question Regarding best interest of the child

[pickupsticks]

Facts: Mother moved with child from GA to NC and I am working on getting travel costs revised ( I pay all and do all)as well as visitation modification  in addition to  proven neglect by Mom With Georgia DEFACS.

I have made the 20 hour round trip once a month because Mom refuses to help with placing the child on a plane even though I offered to pay. Mom told me she does not believe in 4 day weekend trips. I have taken my child to many of her softball games, basketball games, and volunteered at school while I was in NC.

We have joint physical and legal custody of child

Court order reads the following regarding activities and summer custody:
both parents recognize that it is in the best interst of the child that the custody periods remain flexible in order to allow the child to participate in planned events, such as athletic events, school activities or other similar participatory activities, and the parents agree that the Father's rights of custody set forth herein may be amended and modified to suit the particular needs and circumstances of the parents and/or child

Summer vacation Father shall have the right to have the minor child during the summer school vacation for a period of 8 weeks. Said weeks may be successive or depending upon agreement between the parents, may be split.into two four week increments. the father shall give the mother at least four weeks advance notice of intent to exercise said summer custody

Issue :Mother says that child will be chosen for the ALL STAR softball team at the end of June and that it is in the best interest of the child to be in that event. I told her fine...I will drive her back 20 hours for the game and then she informed me that our child would need to practice for the entire month of June and my summer custody would be reduced by 4 weeks or in half.

Questions
1) How do I prove that it is in the best interest of our child to spend time with her father versus practice for 4 weeks to be in one softball game. Our child is eleven. My point is that if Mom had not moved..we wouldn't have to choose. She could be in the game and spend the  summer with Dad.
2) I have already informed her as of October of 2004 what my request for summer 2005 was (8 weeks of custody) and she said it was too early to know if our child was going to be picked for the All Star so she could not give me an answer on whether she agrees or not. She offers me no alternative she simply wants me to wait on making any plans until she is "CHOSEN" to be in the softball game. She probably will be chosen because mom has volunteered to be assistant coach this year.
3) I need to make plans for my daughters camps by the end of April and I was planning on setting her up for softball summer league here. Why wouldn't that be the same thing?
4) Does Mom being an assistant coach have anything to do with this?

I really do not want to give up valuable time to spend with my child for a softball game. I have participated in her extra curricular activities all year long and do support them with the exception of this ALL STAR game. Mom says that I am selfish  and that I am not thinking about our child's best interest.

Also note that since Mom moved she has tried to reduce summer for various reasons in the past . I have these on email. Will that help to prove that Mom is trying to reduce father's time not consider the best interest of the child

Also is it not xxxxxxx's job as assistant coach to not choose our child to be in the All Star game so that our child doesn't have to feel as though she missed out on something due to the divorce. If she wasn't chosen she wouldn't feel so badly about missing it and if Mom thought it was important to keep that Father/child relationship alive...she would not even think twice about setting up such choices for our child. The answer would be- You are visiting with Dad because that is more important than a softball game....

Your advice is very very much appreciated. You are the best!!


-Edited at request of author-6/10/2005

[socrateaser]

>Questions
>1) How do I prove that it is in the best interest of our child
>to spend time with her father versus practice for 4 weeks to
>be in one softball game. Our child is eleven. My point is that
>if Mom had not moved..we wouldn't have to choose. She could be
>in the game and spend the  summer with Dad.

You state that you are "working" on getting mom to pay transportation costs. What exactly does that mean? Did you attempt to prevent the move in the first place, by filing a motion for a restraining order and a hearing on the moveaway issue?  How long ago was this move?

Point being, that if you allowed the move, without a fight, then you must have believed that the move was in the child's best interests, so now you're stuck with it. You may get some of your transporation costs paid, but your custody order allows two four weeks periods during summer, and it also states that you recognize the importance of the very kind of event that you are now objecting to.

Your case is extremely weak, and frankly, your custody orders pretty much suck, because they are so ambiguous you could never get a contempt out of them.

You need the judge to completely clarify the orders so that this particular situation cannot occur, or at least so that you know what to expect.

>2) I have already informed her as of October of 2004 what my
>request for summer 2005 was (8 weeks of custody) and she said
>it was too early to know if our child was going to be picked
>for the All Star so she could not give me an answer on whether
>she agrees or not. She offers me no alternative she simply
>wants me to wait on making any plans until she is "CHOSEN" to
>be in the softball game. She probably will be chosen because
>mom has volunteered to be assistant coach this year.
>3) I need to make plans for my daughters camps by the end of
>April and I was planning on setting her up for softball summer
>league here. Why wouldn't that be the same thing?

Because your custody orders create an atmosphere that is permissive towards this sort of thing. However, the good news is that your daughter has NOT been chosen, and as this is the case, you should notify the other parent, that you will expect her to adhere to the schedule that you have provided until such time as the child is chosen, and that if the child is chosen, that you will expect your ex to reimburse you for any out-of-pocket costs associated with your setting up softball camp, etc. in your location.

>4) Does Mom being an assistant coach have anything to do with
>this?

Of course. But, that fact is not gonna get you a court order preventing the child from participating in an event that you have already acknowledged in your custody orders that you will be "flexible" about.

>Mom says that I am
>selfish  and that I am not thinking about our child's best
>interest.

You are selfish and so is the other parent. Is there something wrong with being selfish? Maybe you don't think that softball is much of a valuable experience for a female child. Frankly, I think softball is one of the dumbest and biggest wastes of time that a child can participate in. It's not something that a highly educated adult man or women will do as a regular pastime. It's a sport for people who are afraid or too frail to play baseball (you know, the REAL sport, where someone throws a 9 1/4" hardball at you at 90 mph). Your daughter would be better off learning golf or tennis or riding or skiing or skating or surfing or vollyball, or, well, just about anything. But, none of this really matters, because no one in the politically correct world of the 21st century, including the judge, is gonna admit that softball has very little redeaming value that cannot be obtained in other more practical and useful sports

As you can see, this is sort of a personal hot button for me.

>
>Also note that since Mom moved she has tried to reduce summer
>for various reasons in the past . I have these on email. Will
>that help to prove that Mom is trying to reduce father's time
>not consider the best interest of the child

Probably not, but once again it doesn't matter. Until the child is actually picked for the all star team, there is no overriding reason why you shouldn't be entitled to your standard custody summer time, and I would inform the mother than until that moment occurs, that the child had better be turned over to you on schedule or you will file for contempt.

[TPK]

>
 Frankly,
>I think softball is one of the dumbest and biggest wastes of
>time that a child can participate in. It's not something that
>a highly educated adult man or women will do as a regular
>pastime. It's a sport for people who are afraid or too frail
>to play baseball (you know, the REAL sport, where someone
>throws a 9 1/4" hardball at you at 90 mph). Your daughter
>would be better off learning golf or tennis or riding or
>skiing or skating or surfing or vollyball, or, well, just
>about anything. But, none of this really matters, because no
>one in the politically correct world of the 21st century,
>including the judge, is gonna admit that softball has very
>little redeaming value that cannot be obtained in other more
>practical and useful sports
>
>As you can see, this is sort of a personal hot button for me.
>

Soc, softball is mostly a women's sport, or a men's beer league sport (yes, I've played in softball beer leagues). I have seen some women pitch a softball fast enough (college mostly) that would whiff me or you.

Golf or tennis are certainly more financially rewarding as a profession though.

Cheers

TPK

[socrateaser]

>Golf or tennis are certainly more financially rewarding as a
>profession though.

That's my point. If the object of teaching a child a sport is that will be useful in their adult life, which would you choose (golf, tennis, or softball)?

Sure, softball is a team sport, but I haven't met a single CEO who makes deals on the softball field.

[pickupsticks]

Thanks for your input!!! I know what you mean about the sport of softball. I have mentioned exposing our daughter to other sports over the summer and Mom thinks I'm crazy and tells me that I am not supporting her main objective which is to get our daughter a scholarship to college for softball! Mom's sister did get a scholarship but doesn't do a thing with softball now.
   To answer your question about the move....I wrote to you once before but I'm sure you don't recall because you help so many of us. It was two years ago and at the time I asked a lawyer and they said in GA there is nothing that will keep her here. I didn't know I could change visitation and travel at that time. I wish I would have known. The supreme court ruled differently in November of 2003 and now move aways can be  prevented in GA.  We are working on a temporary custody order right now because she was found to be neglectful. Since our last court date she has made everything difficult. Visitation is difficult, telephone conversations are for 15 minutes twice a week and she listens on the phone and coaches our daughter on what to say and what not to say. I have been taping phone calls since August and have a lot of material but really only a lot of interference, telephone contact contempt, and no help on travel.She doesn't appear to be cooperating which was part of the temporary order but she is not doing anything else to count for contempt. Now Summer custody has become the new hot topic. Last summer she sent emails about the fact that she was having a new baby (no boyfriend) and our daughter needed to stay there for the summer to bond with her little brother. I'm sorry but Dad does not even make the list of  best of interest of  child for her.  She has 4 kids from three fathers and  the other two fathers are not in the lives of those children and they are getting into all kinds of trouble. My daughter is doing really well and I feel it is because I am very active in her life. How to prove that....don't know that I can as I'm sure it is none of my business  asking for the other children's school grades/behavior etc.
   You are 100% right. I am not counting on winning custody even though that is what I am asking for because I am getting married and she is a single mom with 4 children.  At least I can get some of the vague part of our agreement straightened out.
  Enough from me. Sorry. I hope you are having a pleasant day Soc and thanks for all you do for us. You do a lot for people you don't even know. That's so nice. Thanks