Ex left with my daughter a year ago

[Stepmom0418]

I would have to agree with you that if she is that controlling that you should go to court and get it spelled out in detail as to when your parenting time is and ect. It is really hard to deal with a control freak and still maintain a good relationship with your child.

Go to court nut be prepared. Document everything. Also dont be shocked if once you start the court process if BM doesnt stop your visitation but no matter what keep trying. AND DOCUMENT everything!

This is JMO!

[darkspectre]

Mango must be a female because I cannot even fathom a father writing gibberish such as this.

Mango said: "Perhaps you can agree to a plan that evolves from daytime visits now, to when Chloe reaches age 4 or 5 you increase your parenting time and get solid weekends, and later extend to months during the summer etc. etc. (get it in writing and enter into the court)"

"Evolves?" Are you freakin' kidding me? Evolves from what? From some theoretical starting point that somehow spewed forth from the irrational imagination of a completely uncooperative female?

Mango said: "Obviously the mother is a bit protective. Show her you are aware of her concerns,"

F**k her concerns. Her uncooperativeness isn't a product of concern. It's nothing more than her acting like a b*tch simply because she can.

Mango said: "...understanding that she feels teh child is not ready for a sleepover,"

Not ready for a sleepover? The child is two years old. She may not be ready to drink a beer, or to get a driver's license, or have a boyfriend, but I'll be damned if she isn't ready to spend the night with her father. She used to live with him for crying out loud.

Mango said: "This can somewhat guarantee you an "in" later with your daughter."

The words "somewhat" and "guarantee" hardly belong in the same sentence - ya think? This statement isn't true at all.

Criz, do yourself a favor and completely disregard any advice suggesting you acquiesce to your girlfriend's controlling, bitchy disposition. This will NEVER lead to anything positive as she won't be happy until she has your last dime and your testicles in her hand.

In the absence of any court order you actually have two viable options. The first is to simply file for joint custody and let the chips fall where they may. For sure you'll get better visitation than what this b*tch is giving you - as if it's her right to dictate it in the first place.

Second, on your next visitation with her just take your daughter back home with you and file for primary custody immediately. In the absence of any custody order you have just as much right to have her live with you as with her mom. However, if you aren't listed on the birth certificate as her dad then go with option #1 or you may wind up in jail for kidnapping. It's probably a better option anyway.

Lastly, before you do anything go consult with an attorney and get educated so you know what you're getting yourself into. It's worth it for your daughter but it's painful - believe that!

Good luck

[reagantrooper]

I agree with Darkspectr

If you are on her BC and there is not a CO she is your daughter take her hame and let mom fight to see her.

[Stepmom0418]

Before you consider taking your daughter and keeping her make sure you check your state laws and see if you can do that legally. Some states automatically presume that an unmarried mother has custody! Check it out and then do what you feel is in your daughters best interest! Get an attorney and start the court process and the sooner the better.

JMO!

[FleetingMoment]

First, I want to say, and it's from my personal belief, a two year old child is way to young to have an extended visit between two states.

It is a good idea to go to court and get visitation issues out of the way. Not just for the moment, but for the future (if you're going to remain in NY), get a tepping stone visitation plan established that will allow for increased time with your daughter at certain age intervals.

If you can afford to take off long periods of time from work during her earlier years (half the summer), then pre-plan to go there. Search the area rentals and see if there's something close enough to her mother's house, and accessible to places and things you would like to share with your daughter.

I wouldn't jump the gun considering her to be a control freak, using the child, when the child is very young. It's definitely a maternal feeling. As far as all those late night hours when you were living together, uh yes, it is pretty normal, considering they don't have a really set schedule yet.
As long as the child sleeps while she sleeps.

Utah and lower wages than from NY's? Definitely, but you may find the cost of living to be 3-4's lower than NY, so having a lower income may work out just fine.  The only problem I see there, is your current child support is based on your NY income.  Don't know or see how that can be lowered. But maybe.  Use a salary/moving calculator for a basic idea. Homefair.com has a great one.