Change of residence for SD

[ForAly]

Here is a short version of the background.  Attempted to gain custody of SD for 18 months.  BM worked for the lawyer and they used their evaluator.  Evaluator agreed BM had moral issues and was unstable but kept residence with BM and shortened extended visitation with BF during summer.  Made no sense.  BM came in with request for interim legal fees from us (she wasn't paying any) and fees for her lawyer to prepare evaluator for trial.  We paid the $6,000 for Evaluator.  Judge agreed.  We decided to drop it.

Two weeks later Department of Children and Family Services was called about the situation there (not by us) and contacted BM.  BM and Stepfather went off the deep end, physically assaulted the SD and eventually the stepfather told BM that she had to choose between him and their baby or SD.  Mother told SD to go live with father and that she was choosing stepfather and baby.  I was told to come and pick SD up.  She was not allowed to take anything with her, not even a coat (Chicago in December)  I was told to bring her clothes.

We are taking her to the orthodontist, doctors, dentists, we have changed our work schedules to transport her to and from school (different district).  We have purchased everything she needs.  She has had no contact with mother since 01/28/05 except for a few emails.

We also have her 18-year old sister living with us who was asked to leave two weeks before her 18th birthday.  She is 8 months pregnant.  She has had no contact with mother since July, 2004.

We are registering SD for high school tomorrow (in our school district).

Due to a clause in the parenting agreement that stated child support was abated after living with father continuously for more than 30 days, we went to court and finalized the child support last week.

Here are my questions:

1)  Since the SD is 14, can she refuse to go back to mother's home if the mother starts to push it (in Illinois)?  (lawyer stated she could)

2)  Is the BM responsible for her portion of medical bills if the parenting agreement stated that the father was?

3)  Since the BM has not once contacted the BF and has moved and changed cell phone numbers without telling us, does this constitute abandonment?

4)  Since the BM and stepfather had charges filed the weekend they twisted the SD's arm to take our cell phone away from her, why can't we get a copy of the police report (police states it has to do with SD being a minor)?

5)  Since stepfather is a high school teacher, is he required to tell the school he is employed at, about police reports and DCFS?

6)  SD is currently in counseling to deal with BM's behavior.  Are we required to tell the BM who she is seeing if the SD has requested that we not tell her?

Thanks.

[socrateaser]

>Here are my questions:
>
>1)  Since the SD is 14, can she refuse to go back to mother's
>home if the mother starts to push it (in Illinois)?  (lawyer
>stated she could)

The court will give the SD's wishes considerable weight, but it's still up to the court, not the SD.

>
>2)  Is the BM responsible for her portion of medical bills if
>the parenting agreement stated that the father was?

You should have had health insurance modified as part of the child support modification. If you didn't then you must go back and ask the court to modify.

>
>3)  Since the BM has not once contacted the BF and has moved
>and changed cell phone numbers without telling us, does this
>constitute abandonment?

Most jurisdictions have statutes that provide for termination of parental rights after no contact and no child support paid for 6-12 months. I do not know the specific statute for IL, however, terminating a parent's rights is extremely dificult to accomplish unless some other adult step in to the parent's shoes and adopt the child, or both parents consent to the termination before the court -- and even then, it's not a slam dunk, because the court doesn't want to destroy a possible source of support for the child -- as the alternative may be public assistance (welfare).

>
>4)  Since the BM and stepfather had charges filed the weekend
>they twisted the SD's arm to take our cell phone away from
>her, why can't we get a copy of the police report (police
>states it has to do with SD being a minor)?

Different rules for different jurisdictions. You may need to file a motion for a new custody hearing, on grounds of the DV, and then subpeona the records and the arresting officer's testimony as part of the discovery process.

>
>5)  Since stepfather is a high school teacher, is he required
>to tell the school he is employed at, about police reports and
>DCFS?

If it were a third-party, then the stepfather would be a "mandatory reporter." But, as the alleged abuser is the stepfather, he is protected by the Fifth Amendment right to be free from self-incrimination, and he "don't need to say nuttin' to nobody!"

>6)  SD is currently in counseling to deal with BM's behavior.
>Are we required to tell the BM who she is seeing if the SD has
>requested that we not tell her?

Depends on your current custody orders, and IL statutory laws (which I don't know and have no time to research). However, why do you care if the other parent knows who is counseling the child?

There's nothing to be gained by concealing this fact. If the BM wants to read the counselor's notes, then let her -- maybe she will learn something about why her relationship with the SD is in trouble.

[adassistant]

Hi there. We're in a similar situation, except SS is almost 16 now. We've had a temporary change in residence form signed by the judge for almost 2 years now. We are also going after cs in the next few days because she refuses to help out. We need the help now because dh lost his job. Problem is that BM is volutarily unemployeed and her mother supports her.

Just wanted to say good luck and you're not alone in this.

[ForAly]

Hi back!  Glad to hear you have a temporary in place.  Our BM refuses to agree and keeps it hanging over the 14 year old's head.  We don't have the resources right now to go back to court because we are also supporting the 18 year old who will be having a baby in the next 3 weeks which we are also guardians of.  But it is good to have all of us together safe.

Good luck on getting the child support and keep in touch.

[adassistant]

See, our BM knew that SS wanted to live with DH and that it would be a waste of her money to fight the issue in court. She's the one that got the form from the FOC in fact. We had it looked over by our lawyer and because dh had what we thought was a stable job, we agreed to no exchange in cs. Well, dh lost his job quite a few months ago and I support the household 100% plus insurance. Real fair huh?

Anyway, nice to meet you! Keep us updated, ok?