Serious decline in ss' quality of life.....

[dipper]

Soc, dh and bm went to court on January 25 of this year.  She moved two hours away last year and dh tried to get primary of ss.  SS(13) after saying for months that he wanted to live here, told the judge opposite.  He had been hanging with bm's 30 and 20 year old workers and getting many, many gifts, not doing homework, rewarded for acting up in school, etc......  We got counseling for him, she refused to make him go and judge took her side in it - after speaking with ss for about 5 minutes stated that ss was levelheaded and typical teen.

Since that time, the 'friends' all lost their jobs with bm - two were convicted felons (one arrested again for such in Feb.) and one guy - the druggie was fired for dealing on the job.  We cannot find the felon records for one and do not even know the name of druggie....

In April bm called the police as she did not know where ss was.  He came home later on his own.  She left the next day to go visit her out of state boyfriend who she had not seen in a year - spent five days with him after telling ss that she was going on a business trip.

SS was out on school nights bussing tables at the restaurant where his mom waitresses at.  He did get paid for this, but of course under the table.  This didnt last long or they didnt tell us about him getting paid anymore....

Okay....ss got involved in fight after fight beginning in February and in March the school just washed their hands of him.  We have a letter from a school official stating that bm had stated that she had an appointment and would be taking ss for a review of meds for adhd - which she never had and never did.  Also, the letter states she was asked about counseling and stated that she would not reconsider.

Within weeks, the decision was made that ss could not come back to school and had only two options -homebound or school for juvenile delinquents where most have already been in trouble with the law.  BM chose the school.  SS was searched upon arrival each morning and put in class with two male teachers and only male classmates.  No outside food of any kind is allowed, counseling is part of the program.  SS was scared to death.

Last week, ss was at a friend's house.  He and two other young teens played with fire.  The parents were not there at the time.  The girl put lighter fluid in a bowl and set it on fire, then kicked it.  It spinned, so the other boy kicked it. Spinned again.  So, then it was ss' turn - but the boy wanted to kick it again and kicked it into ss, setting him on fire.  Ss was badly burned.  Frantic, he ran around until his shirt burned enough where he could pull it off.  He asked the other kids to spray him and call 911.  They sprayed him but wouldnot call for help....Instead, the boy ran to bm's and got her.  She ran from her second floor apt. to the house ss was at.  He asked her to call 911 and she wouldnt.  She ran back to her apt., called her brother to ask what to do, and then got in her car, picked up ss and drove him to the hospital.  SS then waited for about three hours before he was transported 15 minutes away to the right hospital.

The police say its not their matter as it was an accident.  Social services says since no caretakers were involved, just other children - its not their place either to investigate.

Thursday bm told dh that ss would not be coming here for a long time as he wouldnt be able to travel.  The nurse told her that it would actually be good for him.....but, she has talked in front of ss about him not being allowed to come out of the county she lives in....

Soc, Feb-march-april...three months and ss is now labeled a juvenile delinquent and has life-long scars.  There have been other things - he came one weekend with a burn on his finger and cigarettes....SS laughingly told us one day that his mom never grounds him -that she always lets him go play or whatever within an hour after saying he is.  AS a matter of fact, oss had just told us that bm said yss was severely grounded - no outside play, no phone, nothing....and within one hour of that we got the call that yss was hurt badly.

I picked up a leaflet at the hospital that said children in this age range set fires because they are emotionally or mentally disturbed..they are acting out.  The friends involved didnt get  as much as a finger burn.  They did come to the hospital and were laughing about rarely doing homework and talking about in-school-suspension...so obviously, they are not good influences.  They are also the same children ss was with when bm called the police not knowing where he was.

BM is demanding total control.  Even trying to get a nurse to kick us out because we didnt know only parent could stay and both dh and I stayed.  

DH is court ordered to pay 75% of all bills, and we are thinking of trying to fight this as ss' lifestyle led to this to some extent.  WE only want things to be fair.  However, dh is having to work...he has missed a couple of days and he has 3 day weekends....so we have been there alot.  But, bm hasnt worked at all and doesnt leave the hospital much.  WE have no idea how she doesnt have any money worries.  SS is important to us as well.  She has started a journal specifically for all of this - yes...dh sneaked a look at it - his mother and sister told her she was crazy for not calling 911 and that is in there and how she felt they didnt have the right to say anything...

SS has endured many excruciating wound changes...and he underwent surgery today to graft skin to his tummy, chest, top of hand, arm, and several fingers.



Soc, in your opinion...

Does this justify a change in circumstances (quality of life)?



Is there any way to do a 'discovery' about the name of the druggie that had worked for her?


Could we subpoena the reasons the employer terminated these 'friends'?



Could we subpoena school records of the children involved to show that they are in trouble alot in school?



We are just emotional wrecks with all of this...Thank you for your help...

[socrateaser]

>Does this justify a change in circumstances (quality of
>life)?

Your case is that the mother's failure to supervise the child has caused him harm, both physically and in terms of his difficulties with the authorities, and that this represents a substantial change in circumstances affecting the child's best interests.

Now, you need to prove your case. If the school has expelled the child, that is evidence of trouble. The child's burns are evidence of possible lack of supervision, but who knows if the judge will buy that.

You're simply not gonna make this case without an attorney to get you an order to have the child evaluated by a therapist.


>Is there any way to do a 'discovery' about the name of the
>druggie that had worked for her?

This is irrelevant, so forget about it.

>Could we subpoena the reasons the employer terminated these
>'friends'?

Irrelevant.

>Could we subpoena school records of the children involved to
>show that they are in trouble alot in school?

Yes. Possibly relevant.