Help with contempts.

[TwoBoys]

Case history:
BioFather and i were never married, Im PRP, he is SRP.

He has had little contact with the child; during first year, only saw him 3 times, second year only once, third year twice, etc.  Father got married shortly after my son was born.

CS and Paternity were established when the child was 1 yr old through the state.  State miscalculated CS so we went back to court - finally got the modification when child was 2.

Custody and visitation were never set.  I tried to encourage visitation, but father would not exercise - only ever attended birthday parties, or wed run into him out in public.

When my son was 4, he out of the blue started visiting, but after each visit would ask for a reduction in CS b/c he just had a new baby with his wife.  If i said no (he was already paying below guidelines), he would threaten to not see our son anymore.  He would disappear for a few months, and then the same thing would happen over again.

Finally, June 04, I filed a motion with the court to modify our order.  I wanted to: 1) establish custody so that i could have legal papers for school otherwise they said they would be able to release him to my sons father without my knowledge or consent 2) establish a set visitation order if he wanted it that was consistent 3) allow me to put my son on my medical insurance (he refused to agree to it) b/c my son had recently been diagnosed with a chronic medical condition and his insurance hardly paid anything.

I also filed contempt on unpaid medical bills totalling almost $1000.00

He filed a counterpetition to reduce CS.

A hearing in Oct 04 established visitation at the fathers request to occur 1 weekend per month (he lives locally but said he was too busy for EOW).  All other requests of mine were granted and our countys SPA was ordered for our case.

He was ordered to pay $50/mo beginning immediately to pay off the past due medical.

A final hearing in Jan denied his request for a downward mod in CS and proved that he was paying below guidelines still.

Since then, we have been in court 3 times for unpaid medical expenses (mostly the Rxs my son needs for his condition).

Each time he was found in contempt, although he always pays the amount up right before the hearing.

Also, since the final hearing where CS was denied, he stopped exercising visitation.  He had exercised visitation for the months of Oct - Jan.

Today, we went to court for contempt and he pleaded "stupid" basically, said he forgot he got receipts, thought hed paid, only realized when he got served that he hadnt paid, etc.  The judge basically dismissed it all, only ordered him to pay half of my filing fees.  Said there was just miscommunication.

I shoudl mention:  i sent several letters attempting to settle this, all of which i filed with our case when i filed the contempt - i also brought it to the judges attention.

The judge simply said "I think you guys are doing a great job, keep up the good work, just try to do a little better communicating".

I requested that we at least be ordered to a coparenting course b/c NOTHING gets settled between us without going to court, all of my attempts to settle went without response, when i woudl call to settle it, hed cuss me out for even having our son, for "bothering" him with my sons medical problems, and saying he cuoldnt be bothered with that b/c he had a family to support.

The judge said those werent issues he could address, and suggest we just keep "doing our best" to resolve things without going to court.  Judge said since the father didnt remember, seemed confused, and because he had paid it eventually that he wasnt goign to find him in contempt.

Im pulling my hair out!

Questions:
1.  The man will NEVER pay a single medical bill without me filing contempt.  Past has proven it.  In 6 yrs hes never paid ONE bill without me filing contempt.  So now, when hes late, how much more do I have to do to get the judge to hold him accountable?  I send everything return rcpt requested, have his signature, have his checks dated long after the due date where he paid them, etc... what more documentation should i get?

2.  He has not exercised visitation now in 4 months.  He hasnt seen or spoken to my son in any way during that time.  Could i seek to modify our order on those grounds?  Use his failure to exercise visitation as a change of circumstances?  If so, how long should i wait before filing that?  I was thinking 6 months of zero contact.  Id like to have it so that if he doesnt visit for a long period of time that when he does decide to visit, it be introduced incrementally again.

3.  The SPA - this is a joke at this point.  Im required to inform him of certain things, yet if i attempt to, Im chewed out.  Hes stated many times that he doesnt want to hear about our son, since i wont agree to reducing CS.  Do I have any chance of changing the custody agreement so that we dont have the SPA anymore?

Thanks, sorry for the lengthy post.  I really would like him to be involved in my sons life, Im just not going to reduce his CS as a ploy to get him to see his son.  

Thanks,
TwoBoys...

[socrateaser]

>1.  The man will NEVER pay a single medical bill without me
>filing contempt.  Past has proven it.  In 6 yrs hes never paid
>ONE bill without me filing contempt.  So now, when hes late,
>how much more do I have to do to get the judge to hold him
>accountable?  I send everything return rcpt requested, have
>his signature, have his checks dated long after the due date
>where he paid them, etc... what more documentation should i
>get?

Obviously, the judge is not inclined to find the other parent in contempt, even if you prove it. You could allow a large number of bills to pile up and send loads of letters, so that when the time comes for the next contempt, you have a much stronger case, even if he pays. Also, this would mitigate your filing fees, because they would be a small percentage of the amounts not paid. Maybe, just file for contempt once per year, so as to get paid.

>2.  He has not exercised visitation now in 4 months.  He hasnt
>seen or spoken to my son in any way during that time.  Could i
>seek to modify our order on those grounds?  Use his failure to
>exercise visitation as a change of circumstances?  If so, how
>long should i wait before filing that?  I was thinking 6
>months of zero contact.  Id like to have it so that if he
>doesnt visit for a long period of time that when he does
>decide to visit, it be introduced incrementally again.

Some States have laws that permit the court to order increased support based on the visitation not exercised, without actually modifying the SPA. I don't know about your State, wherever that may be.

>3.  The SPA - this is a joke at this point.  Im required to
>inform him of certain things, yet if i attempt to, Im chewed
>out.  Hes stated many times that he doesnt want to hear about
>our son, since i wont agree to reducing CS.  Do I have any
>chance of changing the custody agreement so that we dont have
>the SPA anymore?

Yes, but see #2 -- may be a better solution.

[TwoBoys]

Thank you.  Also, Im sorry, I live in FL.  Which does allow for increased support based on visitation not exercised, but I dont see it happening with this judge.  Not if I have this to go by.

Q:
Would once yearly be sufficient?

Father has asked me NOT to send him anything about our son, that he doesnt want to be "bothered" with it.  This was said verbally several times.  Should I continue to send him information since the SPA states it is my duty?   Could I send him a letter stating that "per your request, I will cease to send you any information about your son, even though it is required by me in the SPA.  If you would like to receive information, please send me a letter, via certified mail return receipt requested, and cc the Court File, stating such." and it count for anything in court if I did stop and he decided to try to hold me in contempt?

Also, last thing, in our hearing he claimed the letters I sent him and had return receipts for did not include the medical bills that I am seeking reimbursement for.  

Any other suggestions on how to send it so that there is no question?  The judge hinted several times that he needed proof that I had actually sent the bills (other than the return receipts that he signed).  (What else would I have sent?).

Thanks,
TwoBoys

[socrateaser]

>Q:
>Would once yearly be sufficient?

You don't want your facts to get too cold, but proving non-payment for a bill is usually pretty straightforward.

>Father has asked me NOT to send him anything about our son,
>that he doesnt want to be "bothered" with it.  This was said
>verbally several times.  Should I continue to send him
>information since the SPA states it is my duty?  

Follow the court orders.

Could I send him a letter stating that "per your request, I will cease to
>send you any information about your son, even though it is
>required by me in the SPA.  If you would like to receive
>information, please send me a letter, via certified mail
>return receipt requested, and cc the Court File, stating
>such." and it count for anything in court if I did stop and he
>decided to try to hold me in contempt?

Follow the court orders.

>
>Also, last thing, in our hearing he claimed the letters I sent
>him and had return receipts for did not include the medical
>bills that I am seeking reimbursement for.  
>
>Any other suggestions on how to send it so that there is no
>question?

Have someone else, not a party to the case, stuff the envelopes and swear to their contents, and provide a certificate of service by mail. Then, if you need a witness, you'll have one.


  The judge hinted several times that he needed proof
>that I had actually sent the bills (other than the return
>receipts that he signed).  (What else would I have sent?).

See above. "Serve" everything.

PS. You're interspersing facts and questions, and not numbering the questions. If you want me to continue to answer, please observe the posting guidelines.