Offer Judge an alternative

[crayiii]

I called the assistance and she is going to see what I can do.

I would like to submit an amended temp parenting plan for the judge to consider at the 6/3 hearing.  The first one had a 9-page declaration and about 30 pages of exhibits in support of my asking for residencial parenting rights.

I now understand that chances are pretty much zero for getting this so I want to make sure I give the judge something he can sign at the hearing.

Do I just just file the parenting plan form with a short declaration asking for my previous plan to be replaced with the new one but to keep my declaration and exhibits in support?

[DecentDad]

Hi,

I've been reading about your situation on and off.

I'm in CA.

In 2001, my ex made a false allegation via 9-1-1, landing me in jail (charges later dropped by D.A.), she filed for sole custody in birth city jurisdiction, and she then moved 400 miles away to move in with her mother.

Four months of "negotiations" went no where, and she let me see our then-infant daughter 4 hours every two weeks, with me doing all the traveling, while we negotiated and negotiated and negotiated.

I finally filed for orders on a parenting plan.  My attorney advised that my only shot at getting orders for child to return to birth city was to request orders making myself the noncustodial parent... else judge would just find it all ridiculous since I had spent all of 20 hours with my daughter across many prior months (despite that I largely shared in raising her during the first year).

Through attorney's guidance, I crafted a plan that let me see my daughter three days a week, but only around 20% total time (i.e., frequent, quality time over quantity).

At the hearing, judge looked at everything, asked mom about her living arrangement plans.  Mom said that she intended to return "some time" when she finds work in birth city (i.e., job searching from 400 miles away).

Judge then took attorneys into chambers.  Told them that if forced to rule, I would likely get everything I requested, given that mom wanted to return to birth city, and that he felt 2 weeks was reasonable time for her to move back... else, he said he'd have to figure out something else.  Told attorneys to go work it out.

We then spent 6 hours drawing up a stipulation for pretty much everything I requested, to start two weeks later.  Mom fought every clause tooth and nail, and it took both attorneys to keep her focused on writing up the stipulation, rather than raging at me.

Two lessons I've learned during the past few years...

1.  In family law, status quo is more important than anything (as Soc is advising).  Cause of the status quo is irrelevant, which is absolutely unfair but that's the way it is.  I have not been the noncustodial parent because I offer a worse house.  I'm more stable (as psych testing later  revealed), I'm better educated as a parent, I'm equally bonded with child (per custody evaulator's conclusion), my home is more appropriate, and I've done nothing wrong... but the only thing that mattered is that mom move 400 miles away for several months and unilaterally established herself as the primary parent before orders were ever entered.  From there, I've been fighting uphill to slowly increase my timeshare year after year.

2.  It takes a particularly selfish, uncooperative parent to move away and refuse to allow access to the other parent.  Only a person of poor character can do such a thing, and that doesn't change overnight.  Such a person does NOT negotiate in good faith and instead uses negotiation as a stalling tactic to maintain their position as yet another day passes.  Such a person may even fool her attorney as to her intent... but when it comes time to sign papers, they never settle unless under major force (e.g., a judge's warning or indication of ruling).


I didn't discover SPARC and other resources until 2003.  I've found Soc's guidance to be largely on the money-- in terms of legal approach but also with his insights into particular dynamics and strategies that may not be technically legal.  He's guided me how to accomplish things on my own in court that my prior attorneys couldn't do on my behalf.

DD

[socrateaser]

>Do I just just file the parenting plan form with a short
>declaration asking for my previous plan to be replaced with
>the new one but to keep my declaration and exhibits in
>support?

File a declaration entitled, "Respondent's First Amended Parenting Plan"

Then write:

"Respondent, YOURNAME, in propria persona, hereby appears, and withdraws his previously submitted NAME_OF_EXISTING_PARENTING_PLAN, as attached to his motion for NAME_OF_MOTION_PREVIOUSLY_ATTACHED_TO, filed ??/??/????, and substitutes, in its place, the attached NAME_OF_NEW_PARENTNG_PLAN (Exhibit #1, attached)."

(enter the appropriate proof of service certificate/affidavit here, and serve all this on opposing counsel, by fax and U.S. Mail)

PS. Be damn certain that this is your last change, or you may annoy the judge.

PPS. Start a new thread with your next post, unless it's a direct question as to the form of the above submission to the court.