How to proceed?

[dontunderstand]

Dear Soc,
I will try to outline the important points.  We live in WA state.

My DH and I have been trying to get reasonable visitation for my 7yr old SD.  Due to lack of good representation, this has dragged on for the last 3 yrs. (Now have competent representation)

Everytime DH and SD spend any amount of time together, BM pulls her away and makes excuses for no visitation. We had SD 2 days and nights a week and every other weekend which worked out great!  This was not a court order yet, we were waiting for the court date.  Mom decided to take away weekday visits because this is "disruptive" to SD.

Now we get to the meat...SD has missed over 60 days of school this year and been tardy over 40 times. (With us, she was tardy 1x) Mom blames tardies on SD "behavior problems"  SD has no bx issues at school or else where.  She was not even enrolled in school for 2 mo. She has changed schools 3 times and just got caught up in reading, (due to DH working with her) she was VERY far behind! (we have daily attendance records)

BM has moved over 7 times in the last 3 years, just abandoning the residences. ( Have letters from prior residences)  Moves w/out notifiying DH.  BM disappeared for 1 1/2 yrs while DH went TDY for military.  No phone # either, now stating DH choose not to see daughter.

BM can't keep a job, can't stay on state assistance (won't participate with program requirements)

BM states major issues with DH "not caring about SD safety" "not putting her in a car seat."  BM has 17 muni court issues including hit and run and false reporting, not wearing a seat belt, no ins. speeding etc...

BM calls police and makes false reports against DH that include 4 degree aggr. assult. (requested police report)

BM calls SD while visiting and tries to manipulate her into wanting to come home (have taped conversations)  We went to a therapist and have pages and pages of "my mommy said"... IE "if I like you and be nice to you then I have to live with you and you won't take care of me and I will never see her again" "Dad is consistant and is progressing well with visits"(documented)

The list is endless.  The 1st commisioner saw through the crud and told her to stop trying to turn daughter against DH.
2nd comissioner believed every single lie.  We requested reconsideration hearing.  

We now get SD 1 day a week for 4 hours and every other weekend, and every other holiday.  DH can only call SD 1x a week!  

We are devastated.  SD is so confused, and feels so guilty for spending time with us.

What else can we do?
How do we proceed?
Please help!  And thank you!

[socrateaser]

See below...

>Now we get to the meat...SD has missed over 60 days of school
>this year and been tardy over 40 times. (With us, she was
>tardy 1x) Mom blames tardies on SD "behavior problems"  SD has
>no bx issues at school or else where.  She was not even
>enrolled in school for 2 mo. She has changed schools 3 times
>and just got caught up in reading, (due to DH working with
>her) she was VERY far behind! (we have daily attendance
>records)

Move for a change of custody on grounds that the custodial parent regularly and routinely acts against the child's interests by not ensuring school attendence. If the record is as bad as you say, I think these facts are sufficient showing of a substantial change in circumstances.

>BM has moved over 7 times in the last 3 years, just abandoning
>the residences. ( Have letters from prior residences)  Moves
>w/out notifiying DH.  BM disappeared for 1 1/2 yrs while DH
>went TDY for military.  No phone # either, now stating DH
>choose not to see daughter.

The moves are irrelevant, as is the abandonment, unless you can show how they have affected the child negatively. The disappearance is certainly relevant, but you should have acted to protect your interests during the period of military service. How can you prove that the other parent made the child unavailable during this period of time, and furthermore, if you didn't have a court order for custody/visitation, then the mother could disappear whenever she wished (not sure about this, as your facts are not clear on the issue).
>
>BM can't keep a job, can't stay on state assistance (won't
>participate with program requirements)

OK...

>
>BM states major issues with DH "not caring about SD safety"
>"not putting her in a car seat."  BM has 17 muni court issues
>including hit and run and false reporting, not wearing a seat
>belt, no ins. speeding etc...

How have custodial parent's actions harmed the child here? Does this evidence demonstrate some dangerous sociopathic behavior? If not, then it's irrelevant. If so, then you need to tie it to the case. As for DH not putting child in car seat, what proof does custodial parent have to support this allegation? Have you been cited by law enforcement for failing to adequately restrain the child in the car? If so, then that's a problem, If not, then there's no proof of this, assuming that you deny it under oath.

>
>BM calls police and makes false reports against DH that
>include 4 degree aggr. assult. (requested police report)

Sue her for malicious prosecution. Of course she has no money, so there's nothing to obtain. But, beyond this, the issue is irrelevant, except to show a pattern/habit suggesting mental instability. I'd try to have the mother pyschologically evaluated, assuming you can afford the expert fees.

>
>BM calls SD while visiting and tries to manipulate her into
>wanting to come home (have taped conversations)  We went to a
>therapist and have pages and pages of "my mommy said"... IE
>"if I like you and be nice to you then I have to live with you
>and you won't take care of me and I will never see her again"
>"Dad is consistant and is progressing well with
>visits"(documented)

Eval of the child's mental state by an expert is good. In WA, recording a taped conversation requires a recorded announcement of the intent to record immediately prior to the recording being made. If you didn't do this, then the tapes are all inadmissible evidence, and you could be criminally and civilly prosecuted for making the recordings.


>The list is endless. The 1st commisioner saw through the crud
>and told her to stop trying to turn daughter against DH.
>2nd comissioner believed every single lie.  We requested
>reconsideration hearing.  

If you have findings and conclusions by a judicial officer about past detrimental behavior by the custodial parent, then that may be admissible as evidence to prove habitual sociolpathic behavior detrimental to the child's best interests. I'd gather all of the evidence of this together (abandonment of residences, inability to stay on work programs, routine school absense etc., therapist's opinion of the child's mental state, etc.) and try to make the case that mother is mentally unstable and her actions affirmatively harm the child's interests (tie the abandonment of residences, work programs, etc., with the routine school absenses, i.e., the mother's poor judgment is being carried into and negatively affects the child's life.

That's the case, and if you prove it, I think you have a winner.

[dontunderstand]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! We were unable to get a reconsideration hearing for more visitation due to the comissioner having so much room to "interpet the law", he was apparently well in his rights, even though it was severely unfair!  However, it has only been after the last hearing that we received all this new evidence.  It is funny that you would say that she has habitual sociopathic behavior, we have been saying that for a long time! Thank you for giving us a direction to go in!