Important events in a child's life - sharing

[DecentDad]

Hi Soc,

I found out yesterday that my daughter was baptized over the weekend with biomom's family (they all came into town, apparently).

Biomom has selected a Catholic private school (i.e., per the order that she could select and fully pay for whatever school she wants; after my OSC asking the court to rule on daughter's school).

Daughter never goes to church with biomom (biomom claims to be Catholic but hasn't practiced in the years I've known her).  But, there is a 25% tuition discount at the private school for children who are Catholic (i.e., baptized).  So it seems like this was more of a "tuition discount ceremony" than anything else.

We have joint/joint per court ruling, no primary established, and no language on religious decisions nor any language on including both parents in important events.

Per the orders, parents must only inform each other of school and medical appointments and both parents shall be allowed to attend.  So, that's completely irrelevant in this incident, but it protects me with staying involved in health and education stuff.

The reason why I found out about the baptism is because daughter asked me yesterday how come I didn't come to it-- more out of curiosity than feeling hurt.  All I could do is tell her that her mother must have forgotten to let me know about it, that I would have loved to have been there.

The baptism was more for the adults than the 5 year old, obviously, since it's daughter's perception that it was something she had to do for kindergarten (i.e., no knowledge of any religious meaning) and didn't really like it that much.

In the past, the same thing has happened with a ballet recital.  Biomom has her enrolled in ballet, and there was apparently a recital that I failed to attend because biomom never informed me.  Daughter brought it up back then too, and I was more disturbed then (more than I am over the baptism) because the recital was something that was important to HER.

While Catholocism isn't my faith, daughter does attend religious services regularly with my wife and I, so I'm fine with her exposure to spirituality and accept that she's gonna get the Catholic side of things from biomom.  I would have appreciated attending the baptism and helping her understand and celebrate what it was about.

You know my long-term goals... get at least 50/50 on the timeline that the evaluator recommended (summer of 2006), or go for a modification when appropriate with a good shot.

1.  I imagine that an evaluator or judge would look negatively on biomom's failure to inform me of important events in daughter's life (regardless of orders), but how would you recommend either using the information or acting on it, if either?

DD

[socrateaser]

>1.  I imagine that an evaluator or judge would look negatively
>on biomom's failure to inform me of important events in
>daughter's life (regardless of orders), but how would you
>recommend either using the information or acting on it, if
>either?

I think you should just forget about it until the kid asks you questions about it. If the child is proud of the event, then celebrate it with the child. As for using it later, well, it shows a certain uncooperativeness, but I doubt it's gonna shake the foundations of the courthouse, with regard to any future possible custody hearing.

[DecentDad]

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