grounds to get custody

[daniels_lynne]

Vermont

My boyfriend has 50/50 custody of his son.  We feel that his son is being put in danger yet its nothing that DCF or the cops can take care of.  The mother is doing things like making him sit on the floor of the vehicle because there are too many people in it, she doesn't go to any of his school activities, sports events or anything like that. Plus she lies about his medical records. We feel that there are more things going on but don't know if we have enough proof for the courts.  Is the boys word,emails, and a journal of events that have occurred enough evidence to take to court.  Should we obtain a lawyer?  Where could we get more help with these issues?

[socrateaser]

>Vermont
>
>My boyfriend has 50/50 custody of his son.  We feel that his
>son is being put in danger yet its nothing that DCF or the
>cops can take care of.  The mother is doing things like making
>him sit on the floor of the vehicle because there are too many
>people in it, she doesn't go to any of his school activities,
>sports events or anything like that. Plus she lies about his
>medical records. We feel that there are more things going on
>but don't know if we have enough proof for the courts.  Is the
>boys word,emails, and a journal of events that have occurred
>enough evidence to take to court.  Should we obtain a lawyer?
>Where could we get more help with these issues?

So far, the only fact that you've posted that's material to a custody action is not placing the child in some sort of restraint while in a motor vehicle, and since I don't know the child's age, I can't comment on what sort of restraint that ought to be, or the level of danger created.

Other than that, if the children are mature enough to testify credibly as to their wishes, and their wish is to live with you vs. the other parent, that could be good.

But, unless you're prepared to lay out your facts to an attorney so as to determine if anything rises to the level of a substantial change in circumstances affecting the child's best interests, then neither I nor anyone else can advise you.

The rest of what you've posted is too vague and ambiguous to be of any use in evaulating the circumstances.

[daniels_lynne]

Im sorry there is just so much going on in this situation that its hard to give all the informaiton.

The child is 9 years old.  He no longer needs to be in a booster seat however he does need to be in a seatbelt.  As far as the medical records.  The mother claims he is allergic to all kinds of stuff that he isn't allergic too and she claims that she takes him to the doctors to get treatment for things when in fact she doesn't.  We know this because we have obtained copies of his medical records.  Other things that make us believe he would be better off if he was with us more is this.  The mother has had three house fires in three different houses in the past 3 years.  She allows someone who doesn't have a  license drive her kids around.  We pay her child support yet we buy all of his school clothes, pay for his sports, buy basically everything he needs while she does what seems to be nothing for him.  She has four other children and seems to be more worried about the needs of herself, her husband, and everyone elses chidlren.

[socrateaser]

>The child is 9 years old.  He no longer needs to be in a
>booster seat however he does need to be in a seatbelt.

Well, if you can prove that the mother routinely fails to have the child in a seat restraint, then that would be a good fact to present to the court. Not certain how you can prove this, unless you have a private investigator follow the mom and child around and/or the mother has been regularly cited by law enforcement on this issue. But, without proof, the issue will get you nowhere.

>As far as the medical records.  The mother claims he is allergic to
>all kinds of stuff that he isn't allergic too and she claims
>that she takes him to the doctors to get treatment for things
>when in fact she doesn't.  We know this because we have
>obtained copies of his medical records.  

And this proves what ultimate fact that is material to a change in custody? I'm not trying to be snotty, but unless you allege behavior causing some clear and convincing harm to the child, you will not be permitted a new custody hearing.

>Other things that make us believe he would be better off if he was with >us more is this.  The mother has had three house fires in three
>different houses in the past 3 years.

This is certainly interesting. Was the fire dept called for each incidence? If so, what was the "official" cause of the fire? If the fires were never investigated, then, here again, you will have a "proof of facts" problem that renders the issue useless for the purpose of obtaining a new custody hearing.

>  She allows someone who
>doesn't have a  license drive her kids around.  

Can you prove it? If so, how, and how often does this occur?

>We pay her
>child support yet we buy all of his school clothes, pay for
>his sports, buy basically everything he needs while she does
>what seems to be nothing for him.

Maybe you should stop paying for all these extras and stick with your support obligation. The fact that you purchase clothes for the child doesn't prove that the other parent squanders support money. However, if you stop paying for clothes and the other parent still doesn't buy the child any, but the other parent has new clothes all the time, and you photograph the other parent and the child on many occasions, showing an obvious difference between their respective dress, then you may have an argument. Absent this, however, your facts only prove that you enjoy giving gifts to the child, over and above your child support obligation, and this is not a permitted reason for a change in custody. In fact, it may be an argument that the custodial parent should be paid MORE money, because there isn't enough available to cloth the child.

>She has four other children
>and seems to be more worried about the needs of herself, her
>husband, and everyone elses chidlren.

This last statement is your opinion, but it is not a fact, and it would not be admissible in a court. If you want to put together a case, then you need to write down all the issues that you know, what credible/objective proof you have of those facts, and then tie the facts to the issue so as to show that the child clearly and convincingly suffers harm at the hands of the custodial parent. Until you can do this, you will not have a case that an attorney (or you) can win in court.

[daniels_lynne]

To put this more simply......

Couldn't we just request a custody hearing since there never actually was one.  I mean the parents went to court completely agreeable to the arrangements.  There was no dispute of custody everything was 50/50.  But of course at that time there was only one child involved and now there is a total of 5 other children between the two families.  Do we actually have to have a reason to want custody other than that we want to have the child more often and we think it is in his best interest.  Does a father have to prove that the mother is unfit inorder to gain more custody or rights over a child.  Can't a parent just want to be a parent.

[socrateaser]

>To put this more simply......
>
>Couldn't we just request a custody hearing since there never
>actually was one.  

If you mean that there is no valid, enforceable custody order, signed by a judge, entered in any court, then yes, you could request a custody hearing, because custody has never been determined. However, if the matter was agreed upon between the parents, and the court signed a stipulated custody order, then you waived your rights to an initial hearing on the matter of custody and now you must prove by "clear and convincing evidence" that something in the child's life has changed sufficient to warrant granting you primary custody.

If you are merely looking for a few more weeks in the year, then in some jurisdictions, the court will look towards the child's best interests without showing a clear and convincing change in the child's life, but you still need some proof that something warrants the change.

Just wanting the child more, is not sufficient evidence. This may offend your internal sense of right and wrong, however, it's the law, so if you want it changed, you will need to convince your legislative representatives to change those laws (and I encourage you to try, though you're probably wasting your time).

>I mean the parents went to court completely
>agreeable to the arrangements.  There was no dispute of
>custody everything was 50/50.  But of course at that time
>there was only one child involved and now there is a total of
>5 other children between the two families.  Do we actually
>have to have a reason to want custody other than that we want
>to have the child more often and we think it is in his best
>interest.  Does a father have to prove that the mother is
>unfit inorder to gain more custody or rights over a child.
>Can't a parent just want to be a parent.

Nice vent. I wish I could tell you that wanting to be a parent is enough to get you more custody, however, the other parent wants to be a parent, too, and unless she tells the court otherwise, then the judge is forced to balance the wishes of the parents with the child's best interests, and at the end of the day, that will mean you need more evidence than you are presenting here in this forum in order to obtain any substantial change in the current custody/parenting arrangements.

[Luving StepMom]

I also want to add (from a similar experience) that if you go to court you are risking LOSING the time that you already have.  I know the things you listed are frustrating to you but everything would have to be proven in court, and if I were you I would just continue to document and value the time you have with your child, and when you have more concrete evidence consider going for custody.  

Remember every time you go to court - even if you are the one asking for more and you have proof that the time with you is value-added for the child - if the judge doesn't believe in 50/50 or has a personal bias then you could lose time that you have now.  

Not trying to be a downer, just been there, done that, and if I can save anyone else the time and money and heartache I thought I would offer. I hope everything works out for you.