Looking for insight and guidance

[crayiii]

I'll try to keep this short...

My wife called very upset because she found out the judge set the divorce trial date for early Dec.  She said "this HAS to be done by August!!"

She also begged me to cancel a hearing that I requested for clarification on our temp parenting plan for next week because she said she can't afford her attorney or to take time off from work.  I could hear her boyfriend yelling in the background.  When I pressed, she told me that they had a wedding date all ready set and they HAD to make it.

I told her I was in no hurry because I wanted to do things right.  I also reminded her that I have sent 2 settlement offers to her attorney and I never heard a response.  She told me she never saw it.

Today I requested a hearing for the admin CS orders and she called freaking out because that means she won't get CS for a while longer.  I have our child right now and I have provided him with $500 in clothing and gave her money last week for other things.

I sent her a parenting plan a few days ago that I said I would agree to.

I also spoke with her attorney today and asked him why he hadn't sent my offers to my wife.  He told me that his communication with his client was none of my business.  He then told me that I had a choice, he could either work on his response to my clarification motion this week or he could work on the settlement.  I told him that was between he and his client.  He then got pretty upset and told me that if I wanted to go to trial that that was fine with him.  

He then told me that there was plenty he could do to speed the process up and get everything finalized very soon.

What is it that he can do to speed this up?  The boyfriend is cracking and I think if I can keep the pressure on, I can get my wife to agree to what I want.  

I'm a little worried that her attorney can do something to get this finalized (in her favor) sooner than the Dec. trial date.  What should I be watching for?

[socrateaser]

>What is it that he can do to speed this up?  The boyfriend is
>cracking and I think if I can keep the pressure on, I can get
>my wife to agree to what I want.  

Offer to meet with your wife at the attorney's office, and make a condition that the boyfriend not be present, and try to settle it.

The boyfriend is definitely cracking. He's starting to wonder if the sex he's getting is worth the money (it isn't). And your wife is worried that if she can't get a divorce from you, then her meal ticket may wriggle off the hook (quite possible). I know this personality type, and I've dealt with her type before -- I suspect that she is quite attractive, and also quite demanding.

>
>I'm a little worried that her attorney can do something to get
>this finalized (in her favor) sooner than the Dec. trial date.
> What should I be watching for?

First, you are not capable of running a trial. Dont' get all resistant to my comment here -- I'm sure you're very intelligent, but at trial you will be expected to authenticate evidence and correctly deal with objections, and this attorney will trip you up with technicalities, so unless you're planning to hire a lawyer, you better be trying to figure out how to settle the case.

There's really not that much that the attorney can do. If you demand a trial, then you will get one. But, as they say, be careful what you wish for. In a settlement, you are in control of what you will and will not agree to. In a trial the judge is in control. It's a rare day that you will do better with the judge, then you can do across a conference table.

Think about what you want, and what you'll accept, and then try to settle and move on with your life.

[crayiii]

If it goes to trial I will hire an attorney.  I have been offered an emergency loan from a friend but only if I NEED it.

You are right about my wife.  She is attractive and she looks for meal tickets.  She has never worked a day in her life until now.  She is now working two jobs...

I sent her the settlement offer and her attorney told me he wants me to agree to remove all the "extra" stuff.  I included all of the conditions that are in the sample parenting plan on this site.  He said that we don't need to talk about the specifics of phone calls, etc.  He said he would like the parenting plan to be no more than a few pages long.

The attorney also suggested we go through and list everything we agree on and those things we don't we can take to the judge.  I feel that what I offer is a package deal and I don't want to piece meal it together.  Is that thinking right?

[socrateaser]

>Is that thinking right?

I think it's a good position to only agree to the complete and final settlement of all issues simultaneously, and there's nothing unusual about such a stance. I have no idea why opposing counsel is trying to limit the scope of the settlement agreement's terms. Maybe he believes that the boyfriend is looking for things to object to, and by not getting into the details, this prevents boyfriend from asserting control.

The ABA code of professional responsibility requires attorneys to not allow a third party who pays attorney fees for a client, to influence the attorney's representation. You could describe the incident at the courthouse and ask wife's attorney if he would oppose your motion for a restraining order instructing wife to not communicate about the case with her boyfriend, on grounds that it is frustrating settlement.

In short, you would be subtley trying to help her attorney get rid of the real obsticle impeding settlement of the case. I suspect that the boyfriend is being as much of a pain in the attorney's ass as he is being one in yours.