Torn...(Long)

[MommyX4StepX1]

State NE
BM has full custody of daughter. Dad has visitation;
1 week- Thursday from when daughter is released from school until Saturday 10am
2 week- Thursday from when daughter is released from school until Sunday 6pm
They alternate holidays also; both have 2weeks in the summer with daughter.


Dad pays child support, extended visitation not in the calculation for child support.
Dad has medical coverage on their daughter and pays ½ daycare expenses.


The past 2 years have been difficult with daughter (DD). In kindergarten she had a hard time following rules and got into trouble for hitting and disrespecting the teachers.
In the 1st grade she was sent to the office a few times. Bit, pushed, hit and screamed at other students. She also tried to run away from school and stated she will run away from her mom. For this she was suspended from school for a day.


Nov 2004 DD had stated to her female cousin (at the time they were both 6 years old)
That she had sex with boys and wanted to play sexy with her cousin. DD then touched her cousin across the chest and lower abdomen.  
The cousin told her mom (sister to dad) and Dad and his sister called the local child protective agency and they advise them to make a report with the police.

DD had a forensic interview with the child agency and they found that DD walked in on BM and BM's boyfriend that they live with, while they where having sex and DD was most likely exposed to porn. We hear the Boyfriend had quite a collection.
It was advice the DD get counseling. BM was against it and only agreed to 5 sessions as long as BM was in the room with DD the entire time.
DD was never allowed to speak freely with the counselor.

Dec 2004 DD shows up for visitation with a huge bruise and stated the boyfriend left the bruise. Dad called CPS... I posted about this and everything that came of this. The boyfriends case was dismissed the judge stated that he was just disciplining her.

During visitation with Dad, the past two years DD has also hurt her younger ½ siblings (1 and 2 years of age)
 DD will argue with adults and scream when she doesn't get her way. She will throw huge tantrums, kicking and thrashing around.
DD is seven years old now.
DD has also hit her 74year old grandma and kicked her step mom ( Me) in the face.

DD does this all out of anger and can not explain to Dad or step mom why she is so angry.
DD has stated the BM tells her that she doesn't have to listen to me and DD has said that her BM doesn't have rules for her or a bedtime.

Now we have reason to believe that DD may be going through precocious puberty. BM has not taken DD to the doctors to get this checked out.

Dad has told BM that he wants DD in counseling.
 BM has stated to Dad that she will fight dad tooth and nail to NOT allow DD in to counseling.

We have no more money to fight BM in court. Every time we go to court BM makes up lies that we are just out to get her. All we care about is DD, but feel like we've come to a roadblock and can't do anything to help her..

DD has been so disruptive in our home lately that we are scared for our younger children safety and well-being. We have been seeking family counseling over this (with out DD, since BM will not agree to it) the family counselor thinks DD may be suffering from oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) But with out individual counseling, can't know for sure. The counselor did state that DD behavior is effecting our younger children.

BM will not agree to mediation, even though it is stated in the court papers that they have to seek mediation on unresolved issues before going to court.

 I (step mom) am torn. I have to protect our younger children and can't legally get DD the help she needs.

1. Will refusing visitation of DD until BM takes her to counseling, to protect our younger children, have a negative effect on Dad in the eyes of the court?
2. What options do I have with out retaining another lawyer with money I don't have?
3. What suggestions do you have on how to handle this?

[socrateaser]

>>1. Will refusing visitation of DD until BM takes her to
>counseling, to protect our younger children, have a negative
>effect on Dad in the eyes of the court?

Technically, it's contempt.

>2. What options do I have with out retaining another lawyer
>with money I don't have?

Hmpf! Well, you could file a motion to order counseling for the child ,without the other parent's presense,  on the grounds that the child is a disruptive influence in your home and the other parent refuses to amicably agree to any professional intervention. Then, you can tell the judge that you are out of ideas and that if you cannot get some help for the child that you will ask the court to eliminate the bulk of your visitation in order to protect your other children.

I suspect that the judge will order the counseling.

[MommyX4StepX1]

 I was under the impression that visitation was  right not an obligation.
( Since BM has full physical  & legal custody)

Court papers state:
" In case of unresolved disputes which arise with regard to this Parenting Plan, the parties agree to first attempt to resolve thier differences through the mediation process  ( through the county conciliation court assignment or other mutually agrees upon mediator) prior to filing any legal action."

BM refuses to go to mediation.

We can't file legal action with out mediation.

1 How do we go forward?
2 Can you file contempt to refuse mediation without an attoney?
3 Can you file that motion for counseling with out an attoney?

[socrateaser]

>BM refuses to go to mediation.
>
>We can't file legal action with out mediation.
>
>1 How do we go forward?

File for mediation, and if the other parent refuses, file for contempt.

>2 Can you file contempt to refuse mediation without an
>attoney?

You can, but I don't know if "you" have the lawyering skills to win.

>3 Can you file that motion for counseling with out an
>attoney?

Everyone has the right to represent themselves in court. Not everyone has the skill to do so, but I cannot evaluate this -- only you can decide.

I've never looked online for NE family court forms, and I don't have time at the moment. But, if you find a website that has the forms, look around and maybe there will be a form that lets you submit a motion to the court on mediation or something similar. Then, post the location for me here and I'll try to help you fill in the blanks.