Child wants to move in with BF, but no court order exists

[holidaydad]

Socrateaser Please Help!

My 15 year old daughter living in NJ wants to move in with me. No marriage between BF and BM, no court orders or child support.
Although we weren't married, we were living together 15 years ago when we split up, she moved back in with her parents who provided shelter for them both.

I have always carried my daughter on my medical insurance and have always been there for holidays and birthdays, even though I moved to NY a year after her birth.

The BM never wanted me to pursue custody because she didn't want me to have extended visiting rights and taking my daughter to my NY location with my current wife. Asides being a 5 hour drive makes weekend visits almost impossible. I never pursued it, just tried to see my daughter ever chance I could when in NJ.

Five years ago the BM became pregnant with another man and they moved in with him. Visiting now became alienating for me and the only contact I had was with the grandparents, they would contact my daughter and would let her know when I was going to visit, this always took place at the grandparents house. (BM parents)

Now the BM has yet another pregnancy, so it's the 15 year old, a four YO, and an infant. The other man in making it difficult for my daughter smashed her laptop to pieces in front for her because she was chatting with a friend.

Her mom told her why don't you move in with your father if you don't like living here. So she called me up and asked if she could move in with me and my wife in our upstate NY home, five hours from her current location in NJ.

The child is upset and wants me to pursue with her living with me, her school therapists has told my daughter that the best thing for her is to move in with me based on everything she has told her.


1) If the BM agrees that she can move in with me, what consent paperwork do I need?

2) Is this something that a lawyer needs to process or can we work it out between ourselves?

3) If the BF just got emotional and suggested that my daughter move in with me, but really doesn't want to see that happen. What can I do legally to get my daughter?

4) Where do I stand as the BF but never filed for custody prior to this?

[socrateaser]

>1) If the BM agrees that she can move in with me, what consent
>paperwork do I need?

Under the circumstances, I would seriously consider just getting a power of attorney signed by the mother, appointing you the child's guardian and authorizing you to make all decisions concerning the child's best interests.

Then, after the child is actually living with you for six months, I would file a petition to establish legal custody in NY, because that's the length of time required for the NY courts to obtain indefeasable jurisdiciton over the custody issue.

The reason why I am suggesting this is because it will "feel" easy for the other parent to relinquish custody. But, in fact, it will provide you with very substantial evidence to support your obtaining custody after six months has passed.

>2) Is this something that a lawyer needs to process or can we
>work it out between ourselves?

A lawyer would be better, but not absolutely necessary for the power of attorney.

>
>3) If the BF just got emotional and suggested that my daughter
>move in with me, but really doesn't want to see that happen.
>What can I do legally to get my daughter?

I assume you mean "BM" above. If the other parent opposes your exercising primary custody, you would have to file a petition in the NJ courts. This will be expensive, and you may lose. Also, NJ is positively the worst state in the U.S. to be subject to an initial child support order, because the courts retain jurisdiction to maintain a child support order indefinitely, and regardless of the child's age. So, I would try to get the child into NY by some extra judicial action, such as via the power of attorney.

>4) Where do I stand as the BF but never filed for custody
>prior to this?

If you can prove that you have an established parent-child relationship, then you're in good shape, generally speaking. If not, then the other parent holds all the cards in a courtroom battle.

[holidaydad]

Thank you Socrateaser for your valued advice, you have given me the answers I was looking for. I agree that the power of attorney would be the most subtle for the BM to handle, and I will pursue that avenue.

I have one more question, if after obtaining the above, what process is needed to transfer her to the new school.

1) Is it as easy as going to her current school with the power of attorney letter and asking that all school records be transferred, i.e. grades, scholastic testes, medical shots?

This brings another question to mind,

2) Where do I stand if the BM decides that the child is to be back in her care only after a short period of time? Do I have any right to disagree? What is that process?

Hoping for the best.

[socrateaser]

>1) Is it as easy as going to her current school with the power
>of attorney letter and asking that all school records be
>transferred, i.e. grades, scholastic testes, medical shots?

Yes. A power of attorney permits you to sign any document related to the child on behalf of the custodial parent. That is, you can give your contact information, and then sign as:

Custodial Parent (printed) by: your name (signature)

>2) Where do I stand if the BM decides that the child is to be
>back in her care only after a short period of time? Do I have
>any right to disagree? What is that process?

Once the child is in NY and enrolled in school, if the other parent gets cold feet, you can petition a NY court for an emergency order to restrain the other parent from trying to remove the child from NY's jurisdiction, on grounds that the removal under the circumstances would operate to mistreat the child. If this situation arises, you will need to act immediately, because otherwise the Sheriff may decide to take the child against your wishes (doubtful, for a 15 year old who doesn't wish to leave, but legally possible).