Gonna lose it!!!

[Sunshine1]

Ok Soc, I will try to be brief, but can't promise it. I need a course of action.


BM is NCP, and been divoced from DH for at least 4 1/2 years now.  BM went on disability, wiping out CS and has recently been diagnosed with the following...(exact text)

Sexually assaulted by her neighbor, while her children were ont he premises.  Very quickly Post Traumatic Stress disorder developed: instrusive and repeated recollections of the event, recurring nightmares about the event, intense psychological distress and sysiologicla reactivity when exposed to cues that remind her of the event, efforts to avoid cues that remind her of the event, anhedonia, feeling detached from others, initial and middle insomnia, hypervigilance, and difficulty concentrating.

Exeriences repeated panic attacks that significantly interfere with daily activities, such as grocery shopping, going to doctor, and driving her children to school.  These symptoms continue to impair her functioning, although she reports her concentration improving.

Under went testing (MCMI-III) and the following was reported:  Post traumatic stress disorder, Generalized anxiety disorder, Major depressive disorder, recurrent, and anorexia nervosa.

Further testing showed a moderate degree of psychopathology in her personality structure and the following diagnosis were also found: Dependent personality disorder with avoidant features, goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance from others, has acute mental health problems that impair her ability to function in daily activities.  Her global assessment is 40 on a scale of 100 and is extremely reluctant to try medicaiton to help with the symptioms.

This is a long letter so I gave you the low down and skipped the mumbo jumbo of the technical terms.

Now on to what is going on.

BM and I (SM) were in an altercation over something very STUPID and it resulted in both of us being charged and convicted of disorderly conduct and we have basic HRO's for a year on both of us with 8 months left.  Fine no problem, lets move on with it.  She is still stuck on the incident like it happened yesterday.  

Bm is inflicting extreme emotional abuse on her children when they go to visit.  She  is video taping them (with scripts) with things they must say bad about me and DH.  She has made them write letters totally full of lies, that she makes them write and threatens them to do so or else.

Lack of food while on their visits, no showers, and the latest writing aletter to DH that his homework expectations were too high, and writing the teacher blasting me which had such an underlying vindictive tone to the letter, the teacher gave us a copy to give to therapist and said she would not be responding to a letter that was pitting her against a parent.

There is no signs of physical abuse, and CPS has said she has doen nothing to the children....that I can prove...

CO says children must come with all items that they arrived with, she has a thing about their cellphone and has dropped it off at the Sheriff's office because it annoys her.  I must drive an hour each way to pick it up, they won't mail it.  Have no other means of telephone contact other than the cellphone we provide for daily phone contact, if we call her cellphone she reports me as calling it and harassing her. Even when the kids have the phone she shuts it off and will not let them speak on it nor can we call it becasue it is off.

Anyways that is just the tip but the most recent irritations that have occured.

Since the HRO's were put in place I have had 1 call a week from some form of an officer in the tri-county area saying i have violated the restraining order.

This week it is Child protection wanting to inspect my home, which by the way had a vague discription of our basement, that you could tell the person reporting had never been in the home, if there was truly a danger the person reporting would have actually known the layout of the home.  We are going ahead with the inspection.

Children are going to be on their second appointment for counseling.  Children are emotionally distraught when they come home from her house, depressed, tired and starving and it is affecting their school work.

We have an attorney that has taken one arm and both my legs now, and soon my other arm when I get done paying him.

BM has a "free" attorney whenever she needs help.  Meaning when something is filed, she is her attorney, otherwise says she is not representing her.????

Now to my questions:

1.  At what point would you file for supervised visits?  

2. Is there anything I can file to get her to stop harassing me with a harassment order?  Or harassment in general?

3. Cellphone issues, any ideas on how to combat that?  She is keeping the childrens property and handing it over to the Sheriff's dept, plus denying ALL phone contact while in her care.

4. Any good meds you can recommend for me before I lose it?

[socrateaser]

>Now to my questions:
>
>1.  At what point would you file for supervised visits?  

As soon as you can prove some affirmative action against the children done by the other parent. You make quite a few allegations above, but you don't tell me what proof you have for anything. Remember, it's all about proof to the judge. No proof -- no modificaiton order.

If the counselor agrees that the children are being emotionally abused then that would be good independent proof. Other than that, if the kids are old enough to testify credibly, and they express fear or distress and don't want to spend time with their mom, then I'd have them testify to it.

>2. Is there anything I can file to get her to stop harassing
>me with a harassment order?  Or harassment in general?

It seems to me that if you're being reported to the authorities regularly, then that may be a violation of the existing orders. I'd need to read the orders. But, once again, you need to prove it. So, if CPS comes in and inspects and finds everything's great, then you could subpoena their records to tell you who reported you, and then if it's the mom, then go back and ask the judge to make the existing orders even more restrictive than they already are. If the mom is as paranoid as she appears from the psych profile, a judge telling her "one more time and it's jail for ya," may absolutely terrify her into stopping her behavior.

>3. Cellphone issues, any ideas on how to combat that?  She is
>keeping the childrens property and handing it over to the
>Sheriff's dept, plus denying ALL phone contact while in her
>care.

I don't know. This also could be a form of harrassment in violation of the existing orders.

>4. Any good meds you can recommend for me before I lose it?

Buy a full body sized punching bag and set it up in the garage. Then when you're annoyed, go in and kick the snot out of it for a few minutes.

Heroin is the best, but it's illegal. Ativan is good before bed, occasionally.  I just use 1 cup filtered water, 2 teaspoons of Hersey's regular Cocoa, 2 teaspoons of sugar and 1 tablespoon of half and half. Heat for 2:15min in microwave. Delete the half and half if you're dieting (works out to about 60 calories). Much more satisfying than a bag of chocolate chip cookies.

[Sunshine1]

Passed our inspection with flying colors.  The report was that the children have no fire escape from their rooms, dog poop on the basement floor, and there was electrical wires hanging down so the children could swing from them...and last but not least I (SM) was sleeping in the children's rooms.  LOL we have a 6 bedroom home..mine is the biggest sooooo the Social worker laughed when he inspected the house when we showed him the door that didn't exhist, and the egress windows that didn't exhist.  And of course the imaginary dog poop that wasn't there.  BM has never been in our basement, and it was described like you would from observing it from the outside, if that makes sense.
 
The social worker said we could file a complaint that this was a malicious report but the odds of them actually prosecuting BM were pretty slim.  He said he had never seen it done before.  He indirectly gave us the hint that it was BM, he told us to speak with our lawyer.

We have decided to get the report when it is CLOSED, and if it happens again we will be able to stand on something.

I was shopping around for a different attorney and she knew our attorney.  We told her we needed an attack dog and she told us that our lawyer was the meanest pitbull she knew.  She often referred clients to him all the time especially when they needed a down right a-hole to help them she reassured us that we were in very capable hands.  I feel better now I think.  Transfer went well this evening....but there is always Sunday.

I will keep you posted! Thanks Soc!!!!!

[socrateaser]

...even if nothing ever comes of it, it will be proof that you were concerned. Government doesn't act until the complaints become so loud that they can no longer be ignored. If you do nothing, then the government will reciprocate in kind.

Just realize that probably nothing will come of it, but you never know when will be the moment that the camel's back finaly breaks under the weight of changing public opinion.

[Sunshine1]

Soc I got her!  I hope.

She graciously wrote us a 3 page letter today (dated and signed) in response to our letters regarding following the court orders, compliance, homework etc..very professional.  Hers all emotional.

She responded with snide remarks, totally blatantly telling us she will refuse all phone contact with our phone we provide and my Christmas gift early...... drum roll please...

Her admission of an investigation she is waiting on the result of!

....exact text....

......You have been in contempt of court many many times which is all documented and will be addressed in court very soon.  I'm just waiting for a report being investigated right now.

This is your last weekend sending the phone also.  As I had told deputy xxxxx every time you send the phone I will be dropping it off at the xxxxxxxx police dept.  My phone or my boyfriend's phone is always on for emergency purposes (has daily phone contact not emergency only privileges) If you want to contact the boys you can call my phone or my boyfriend's as many times as you want, all day long. I don't care and always encourage the boys to contact you.  If you have any questions or comments you know how to reach me.

 You obviously haven't stopped whining since it has gone on for 5 years so you should be a professional at it now.  I can't wait to see what your next letter will be about or what you will be waisting your time on!

1.  Do I got anything you think?

2. Week before was a report for a supposed violation of HRO.  Report came in on Wed or so for CPS, investigated by Fri. and speaking about an actual investigation on Sun in a letter....am I wishing or do you see it?

[socrateaser]

>1.  Do I got anything you think?

Well, you have proof of the intent to violate the order to send the kids back with everything they brought, because she is telling you that she will drop the cell at the Sheriff's rather than to send it with the kids

And, you can testify to picking up the cell at the Sheriff. Hopefully, they can give you a receipt, because that is admissible as a business record, without anyone to testify to its authenticity.

>2. Week before was a report for a supposed violation of HRO.
>Report came in on Wed or so for CPS, investigated by Fri. and
>speaking about an actual investigation on Sun in a
>letter....am I wishing or do you see it?

The investigation is certainly harrassing, and you now have her admission that she made it, but that doesn't mean that the DA will prosecute the false report. You can sue her for intentional infliction of emotional distress, in civil court, or small claims, but unless she has some good assets, like a home with equity, you'll probably never collect.

The letter, combinded with the actual report from CPS would be damaging as far as a grounds for a new custody hearing on supervised visitation, etc.

None of this is nuclear -- it's not like she's threatening to kill you if you don't leave her alone. But, it's better than a poke with a sharp stick!