Video taping tips

[Im_a_survivor]

Kids and BM/step-dad live in Tx, Tx has jurisdiction.  

My step-kids are here for the holidays.   There has been a lot of acrimony between BD and BM over their kids.  The kids have told us things about what is going on in their house, which includes physical and emotional abuse.  We've contacted the authorities about the statements that the kids have made, but when the investigators talk to BM, she tells them that BD is only trying to cause problems for her and that he is lying.  Kids tell the authorities that everything is 'fine' because, according to them, Mom has threatened them that if they tell anyone what is going on in the house, they will be in huge trouble (and other intimidation tactics).

To a large extent, BD and I have tried to accept that there is little that we can do about the situation, and to the extent possible, accept what we can and cannot change.  The school isn't reporting anything specific (other than behaviour and grade problems - which is enough), but definitely, they are not noting any signs of physical abuse.  We have wondered if the kids are just trying to play off one parent off the other.  Their mom monitors their calls with us, so they can't say much on the phone.  But now that they are here in our house, without Mom hanging over them, they just can't stop talking about However, the reports of abusive behaviors just keep coming from them.  We've tried changing the conversation, but it seems like they just can't wait to talk about it again.

In light of all of this, I'm thinking about video-taping the kids while they are talking about this.  I'm torn for a few reasons - one of which is what impact it will have on the kids.  Another, is of course, the legal implications.  

I would like the kids to repeat, on video, some of the things that they have already said, but I'm worried that by asking specific questions about specific statements, it will look like I'm leading them on.

So, I was hoping you could at least help me sort out my questions pertaining to the legal issues/implications in my head, to help make the decision of whether or not this should be pursued.

1.  Do you think that this kind of video tape would have any legal value in court?
2.  Do you have any specific tips or suggestions to give to try to keep this as 'clean' and above-board as possible?
3.  Should we ask for a third-party to ask the questions, or would it be ok for me, as step-mom, to 'interview' the questions.  
4.  Any other tips/issues to consider?

Thank you in advance.  I'm also going to post on another board, to see if folks can help me sort out the non-legal debates rolling around in my head.  

[socrateaser]

>1.  Do you think that this kind of video tape would have any
>legal value in court?

Probably not much, because the kids won't back up what they've said with live testimony, and it will appear that you coerced them to make the video statements.

>2.  Do you have any specific tips or suggestions to give to
>try to keep this as 'clean' and above-board as possible?

There is a threshold beyond ordinary discipline and most reasonable adults can sense when that moment occurs. However, most kids cannot, because the kids want to get control over the parents and surroundings. If you REALLY believe that the threshold has been reached, then you need to take the kids to a professional therapist and have that person evaluate whether the children are speaking honestly, OR, you need to have Child and Family Services come to your home and investigate the kid's statements.

You're telling me there's no sign of physical abuse and the kids will routinely change their story in order to protect themselves and the other parent. Well, physical abuse leaves signs, and they are usually unmistakable if observed within 24 hours.

The kids should be told if they are beaten or sexually assaulted then they should call 911 IMMEDIATELY. If they are afraid to do this from home, then they should do it from a neighbor's home or from a cell phone. You could give them cell phones with only emergency access for Christmas. That way there's no serious money issue, and if there's a real emergency, they will have a way to get help.

In court you need CLEAR and CONVINCING testimony to demonstrate the need for a custody change, and what you're describing will not rise to that level. You're not even convincing me, yet, so you're not gonna convince the judge.

>3.  Should we ask for a third-party to ask the questions, or
>would it be ok for me, as step-mom, to 'interview' the
>questions.  

You're wasting your time. Read my lips -- you need a P R O F E S S I O N A L  E V A L U A T O R or you're not gonna get anywhere.

>4.  Any other tips/issues to consider?

Don't bother with a staged video. Just use a small dictation recorder, have it running and let the kid's talk. Don't even tell them that you're recording, because that will cause their statements to become playtime.

Then when there are no kids around, play the tape back and pretend you don't know anything about the situation, and ask yourself if you would think that these kids are in trouble. If you say yes, you need a professional or Family Services to get involved. If you say no, then put it on the back burner again.