Spiraling

[dipper]

Soc,

We are in VA.  BM has primary custody, joint legal.  January 19th  the judge ordered that son has counseling.  NCP has three weekends per month visitation.

January 20th....BM cursed and hung up on me because I would be late two hours late picking  son up.  She threatened to take son away with her for weekend and lied saying she never leaves 14 year old son home alone.

BM then sends a letter stating visitation for February, which only included two weekends for me, instead of court ordered three.  She had scheduled plans for son - one with her.  She stated that we had been told to get along by judge and that I was not trying.

I wrote her a letter concerning my missed time and the need to make this up.....also noted that in the spirit joint legal, I am to have knowledge of events prior to their being arranged.  

Received letter from bm stating she had attended a disciplinary meeting at school for son.  She also blasted me for an unpaid bill from son's hospitalization 10 months ago. She said that son had received a letter from creditor and demanded that I send proof that I had taken care of this bill....she accused me of grilling son and stated plainly that if I dont stop, She will begin to "grill him about every minute he is in your home."

Yesterday, I sent her a note informing her that I feel mediation may help us to resolve issues that are in constant conflict.  I told her that the perception that I am grilling son has led to many uncomfortable moments for our sons.  I explained that I speak with my son concerning matters in his life and though i am not interested in her personally, behaviors that impact son are my concern.

I also noted that principal at school apologized for not informing me of meeting, but that she called to make the appt and his secretary was unaware that I needed to be informed.  This is putting the school in a position of communicating for us.  

I also informed her that she had never sent me a bill for any of my son's hospitalization, though I had requested this last summer.  She also did not enclose the bill in her last letter, as stated.  I would have the bill put in my name if she forwarded it.

I also stated that to align visitation with the order, i would have son 4 weekends in March.

I received a letter from her today, mailed yesterday.  She was taking son to counselor yesterday( first session), and would let me know who he saw, how much I owe, and what was said.    She stated that she has made plans for him one weekend in March.  And she went on to state that HER lawyer is charging $1000 dollars to represent son on criminal charges.  She has made 2 $150 payments, so now it is my turn to pay this month.  She states that i owe HER lawyer $500.

Soc, I had told her that I dont think its even proper for me to give HER lawyer money......and I dont feel he should represent our son in court as he represents her for custody issues.  She really expects me to pay this though.

Soc, since court didnt go my way, she is pushing all limits.  She even called my oldest son demanding to know how much I paid for my car (old, used) and how I had the money for it...etc.  

I have not received any signed court order from our date in court.  

Is there anyway I can get the weekend she is taking from me?


Would it help to contact her lawyer?


As the GAL is responsible for making sure counseling is taking place and that we take a parenting class, would it be of any use to send him a copy of all letters that have transpired in the past month?

[socrateaser]

>Is there anyway I can get the weekend she is taking from me?

Motion for emergency restraining order reaffirming her duty to facilitate your visitation per existing orders on grounds that other parent has stated in advance that she intends to withhold visitation.

Otherwise, you'll have to prove contempt after it happens.

>Would it help to contact her lawyer?

You could write the attorney a letter and copy her on the letter from your ex stating her intent to withhold visitation, and state that if she goes through with this obvious violation of the current orders, that you will file a motion for contempt.

>As the GAL is responsible for making sure counseling is taking
>place and that we take a parenting class, would it be of any
>use to send him a copy of all letters that have transpired in
>the past month?

I don't know. However, for the record, you don't owe for the kid's criminal defense, unless the criminal court orders it.

That's what child support is for -- to support the child's needs, which in this case, happens to be criminal defense.

[dipper]

Soc,

This is the wording used in the court order GAL drew up per judge's instructions.  (We do not have an order signed by all parties yet, unless its been signed and we just havent received our copy yet.)

I was waiting to send GAL my suggestion of counselor based on what the court order states.

Court order:
Furthermore, the court doth ORDER that the minor child shall attend counseling at a location and through a counselor chosen by the guardian ad litem.  To this effect, both parties are ORDERED to provide the guardian ad litem the name of the counselor with whom the child shall attend within fifteen (15) days from the date of this Order.  The guardian ad litem shall respond to both parties in writing as to the location of counseling for the minor child.  The cost of the counseling should be paid by Father's insurance, with any un-reimbursed expenses paid equally among the parties.


Soc, am I correct in that this order directs us to give our suggestion to the guardian ad litem and HE is to choose the counselor and let us know?


What consequences should I pursue if BM is violating the court order by arranging counseling without GAL's approval?


Will GAL pursue consequences if encouraged to do so?



If court order has not been signed by her lawyer and judge yet, does that mean she simply gets to force her way by making these appts. before order is signed?  (it has been signed by GAL and my lawyer at least)

[socrateaser]

>Soc, am I correct in that this order directs us to give our
>suggestion to the guardian ad litem and HE is to choose the
>counselor and let us know?

Bad drafting. The order is vague and contradictory, because the first sentence requires the GAL to choose a counselor, and the second requires the parties to pick one, by method unknown. I don't know what it means, and neither does anyone else for whom English is their primary language.

>What consequences should I pursue if BM is violating the court
>order by arranging counseling without GAL's approval?

Nothing. You don't have an order. You have something that looks like an order.


>Will GAL pursue consequences if encouraged to do so?

I don't know. ask the GAL.

>If court order has not been signed by her lawyer and judge
>yet, does that mean she simply gets to force her way by making
>these appts. before order is signed?  (it has been signed by
>GAL and my lawyer at least)

If there are orders from the bench requiring the GAL to choose a counselor, then this written order is a detail and you could get a contempt order based on the trial transcript proving the order and the presence of the other parent. Otherwise, you have nothing but a piece of paper at the moment.

So, if there's an order, and the other parent has violated it, then I'd move for a contempt order. Otherwise, you need to get the GAL to interpret the strained language, because from my perspective, the order, as composed, is pretty near meaningless.