Bad mouthing Parent in front of Child

[daddyinpdx]

Dear Socrateser,

I've had my child in my custody for over 1.5 weeks. I was recently awarded Temp Emer Custody as mentioned in a previous post. The state and DHS ordered that the mothers parenting time be as agreed to by DHS.

DHS has since withdrawn from the situation and have advised me to administer visitation with the safety of the child in mind.

5 days after the hearing, I allowed for a supervised visit between the ex and child. I also allowed another "supervised visit the next day"

I was not there for the visit, and the mother began bashing me to the child. (Documented in journal and orally confessed)

The supervised mediator who DHS recommended was a friend of the ex's and she also began bashing (talking about past events of me and the ex) to the child.

My ex told the child the exact amount of arreage child support owed to the ex and showed the child court documentation.

As you know, the child came home with attitude and began parrotting the anger and words from the ex and family.

Is there anything that I can do to stop this foolishness from happening. Do I have to allow phone calls and or supervised visits with the same person who also advocates the foolishness?

I need guidance on the issue because this anger from the outside is beginning to stir desention in my home.

Please respond.

[socrateaser]

>Is there anything that I can do to stop this foolishness from
>happening. Do I have to allow phone calls and or supervised
>visits with the same person who also advocates the
>foolishness?

Based on your post, you have no obligation to permit any visitation -- so don't. If you believe that the other parent is a danger, then permitting visitation seriously weakens your case, because your conduct suggests otherwise.

Get the kid in therapy with a child psychologist who is also a court appointed evaluator so that you will have the testimony and report you need maintain custody, and keep the child away from the other parent until that parent passes a court approved anger management program and successfully passes a polygraph showing that she is no longer hostile to the child.

(this is nearly impossible to achieve -- people are not so easily changed and they can never fool the "machine", so basically, your conditions permit you to withhold the child until a final order on the new custody arrangement)

None of the above is "fair," but court isn't about fair for the litigants. It's about winning and losing. You have an edge at the moment, and if I were you I would be doing everything possible to lengthen my lead to a furlong.

[daddyinpdx]

Wow, I was in deep hesitation of allowing the mom to option of supervised visitation. I have to attend a hearing in the next few weeks in regards to visitation and will follow your advice.

I will also refrain from allowing phone calls as well. Until further notice of the courts.

Will the two visits cause me problems in court?

[socrateaser]

>Wow, I was in deep hesitation of allowing the mom to option
>of supervised visitation. I have to attend a hearing in the
>next few weeks in regards to visitation and will follow your
>advice.
>
>I will also refrain from allowing phone calls as well. Until
>further notice of the courts.
>
>Will the two visits cause me problems in court?

If you state that your reason for stopping visitation is that the child reported that the mother was disparaging you to the child, and that you viewed this as creating a hostile environment and being emotionally abusive for the child. Therefore, you believe that the child's best interests would not be served by continuing to permit visitation, until such time as the mother has successfully completed an anger management program, and has taken a polygraph demonstrating that she no longer harbors any ill will towards the child or you.

You can never allow the court to hear that you are being injured, no matter how much that may annoy you. EVERYTHING must be fashioned to either advance or impair the child's best interests, because the child interest is the only thing that the court will weigh in making any decision.

Notice, above I do stick in the word "you" at the end of the paragraph. But, the goal is to show that the mom's disparagement of you has stopped because it's in the child's interest, and not because you deserve to be vindicated for her bad behavior.

The court doesn't really care how the mother treats you, as long as she doesn't commit a criminal act against you. But, if you want to win, you won't let that bother you. It's about the kid -- no one else. Let the mom complain that it's all about her. You stay above it all.

[daddyinpdx]

Socrateaser you are awesome. I luv this board, for it is God sent.