Some questions about situation with X...please advise...

[Genie]

My X collapsed and went into a coma on 7/7.  There seems to not be much hope of him coming out of it anytime soon.  The Drs don't seem hopeful that he ever will.  I have remained close to him and his family so non of the problems are with us.  We are all devastated and stressed.

Now the questions:

1.  I'm not sure exactly how soc security death benefits work and/or SS disability benefits. We have 2 minor children (5 & 1 yrs) and he has 2 children with 1st wife (19 & 15 yrs).  I assume dependent benefits would be split 3 equal ways then?

2.  Obviously he would be unable to pay CS. Even if he comes out of the coma the Drs says he will have permanent brain damage.  Should I have his CS stopped?  He has never paid me any in the 11 mons we have been divorced.  

3.  Per the divorce I owe him $20K minus any CS unpaid and medical bills unpaid. So I was basically not going to owe him anything at that time since he didn't think he needed to pay.  It would've been offset and he still would've owed me money.  What happens with this money now? Is it considered to be part of his estate that his X can try to come after?

4.  He is supposed to have $50K life insurance policy for 1st wife and $100K for me.  Of course he doesn't have any of these.  Can she try to come after that $20K minus what he owes me now for that?

I know I am not responsible for any of his bills or debt since we are no longer married.  However, he was always only a bank to his first wife so I can see her trying to get whatever she can.  There is no estate as he has nothing.  Any advise on how to handle her is appreciated. She is already asking questions and digging for info which non of us is giving her any.  

I live in IL.

[socrateaser]

>My X collapsed and went into a coma on 7/7.  There seems to
>not be much hope of him coming out of it anytime soon.  The
>Drs don't seem hopeful that he ever will.  I have remained
>close to him and his family so non of the problems are with
>us.  We are all devastated and stressed.
>
>Now the questions:
>
>1.  I'm not sure exactly how soc security death benefits work
>and/or SS disability benefits. We have 2 minor children (5 & 1
>yrs) and he has 2 children with 1st wife (19 & 15 yrs).  I
>assume dependent benefits would be split 3 equal ways then?

SS administration will treat the children as if they were all from the same family. For specific death benefits, see //www.ssa.gov.

>
>2.  Obviously he would be unable to pay CS. Even if he comes
>out of the coma the Drs says he will have permanent brain
>damage.  Should I have his CS stopped?  He has never paid me
>any in the 11 mons we have been divorced.  

No. You want the support arrears build up if you can, so as to offset any support arrears owed to the first wife's children. That way, if she sues the estate for support, and the estate administrate joins you to try to get to the $20K that you now owe the estate, you can say that he owes you $X in support arrears, and you want a judgment, and then that judgment can be used to offset the $20K you owe.

>3.  Per the divorce I owe him $20K minus any CS unpaid and
>medical bills unpaid. So I was basically not going to owe him
>anything at that time since he didn't think he needed to pay.
>It would've been offset and he still would've owed me money.
>What happens with this money now? Is it considered to be part
>of his estate that his X can try to come after?

See above.

>4.  He is supposed to have $50K life insurance policy for 1st
>wife and $100K for me.  Of course he doesn't have any of
>these.  Can she try to come after that $20K minus what he owes
>me now for that?

This is irrelevant.

 If he were not in a coma, then you would still owe the $20K, whether or not he obtained the insurance policy. So, while his permanent incapacity would now permit you to collect on the policy, were it in existence, the fact that it is not, is not a reason to offset the money judgment. As you say, 11 months has passed and he didn't obtain the policy -- but you didn't enforce your rights, either, nor did you pay the $20K.

Thus you are both in what is known as "pari delicto," which means "both at fault," and it's likely that the court will not grant you any relief here.

By the time things are sorted out, your ex will probably owe you more than $20K in support arrears, which should completely insulate you from the possibility of having to pay the estate, which will owe arrears to the 1st wife.

This is a pretty twisted hypothetical. Unusually difficult.

[Genie]

I don't owe him the $20K until Aug 25, 2010.  So I wasn't supposed to pay him the money as of right now.  

So in light was that, can she come after that $20K right now as part of his estate or b/c he doesn't have the life insurance policy for her?

Thank you for your information.

Is there anything I need to do to protect myself against her?

[socrateaser]

>I don't owe him the $20K until Aug 25, 2010.  So I wasn't
>supposed to pay him the money as of right now.  
>
>So in light was that, can she come after that $20K right now
>as part of his estate or b/c he doesn't have the life
>insurance policy for her?

If you mean that you have signed a note that comes due in 2010, then you still owe the estate the debt, as promised by the note. The other parent cannot demand payment from you -- only from your ex's estate, or, if he's alive, then from him or his conservator. Which means that the first wife can get a judgment against the estate, in anticipation of your note coming due, and then request that the court join you as a party to equitably contribute to satisfaction of her judgment, which your ex's estate would be entitled to at that time.

If your ex is alive, then the court could order the conservator to assign your note to the 1st wife to cover her child support arrears. But, you will also have child support arrears, and it is equally fair that your debt be extinguished to the extent of what you are owed.

This is a VERY tough call. The court could split the note and only assign half the value to the ex-spouse, or it could say that you are entitled to your arrears, therefore you should receive satisfaction first.

If your ex is declared legally dead, then his Will, or the intestacy statutes will control some of this issue, because your children and the 1st wife's children would all be equally entitled to share in your debt. So, you could end up owing your own kids one half of the note and the 1st Wife's kids the other half.

>Is there anything I need to do to protect myself against her?

I would do nothing to alter the existing support order, because arrears will continue to build up, and the court is prohibited by federal law to retroactively modify the support order until you or your ex's conservator/administrator files to terminate/modify support, or your ex is declared legally deceased.

When that happens, you should immediately ask the family/probate court to give you a judgment of arrears for whatever is owed you. Then you can use that judgment to offset your own debt to the estate/conservator, which will protect you from the other parent.

Creditors get priority over heirs in reaching whatever assets are in the estate.

You could also just pay off the note early, perhaps by refinancing your home, and that would end all uncertainty surrounding the issue. I don't know your financial circumstances or whether this note is secured by real property, but bankruptcy might discharge the note.

Also, in some jurisdictions, the homestead exemption would prevent the other parent from executing against the equity in your home if things got that far.

Frankly, the list of possible twists and turns is very large, and there's no way for me to address a complete strategy in this forum. I'd need to see a balance sheet and an income/expense form before I could tell you the best move.

[Kitty C.]

You will need a copy of the death certificate in order to file a claim with Social Security.  All children are treated the same, so they all should get equal amounts.  Remember that statement you get from SSA every year around your birthday?  In it, it will tell you what amount your children would get if you died now, so I'm sure his statement says the same.

As for CS, DS's dad paid to CSRU and I never did a thing to notify them.  The only thing I could recommend is that if CS was scheduled to be paid thru an agency, you might want to call them and ask what, if anything needs to be done.

On a side note, if you get the worst possible outcome, I 'strongly' recommend counseling for your children.  Maybe not now, but at a later date.  My son could be a poster child for what happens when a child loses his father.  If either child starts to exhibit behavior that seems unusual or crops up suddenly, find a pediatric therapist who also specializes in grief counseling.  DS lost his dad 4 years ago when he was 13.............now he's paying for it dearly and probably will be for a very long time.

[Cookiemomma4]

Not to jump in, sorry Socrateaser, but her children could be collecting SSDisability dependant benifit without their parent being deceased.  This takes an application being filed in the father's name (which I am sure is already in the works) along with the children's information included.  Some paperwork will have to be filed by each of the mothers (and they will notify you of this) and then the kids will recieve the benifit.  This can be a long process but you would get a lump sum payment when the benifits are approved to cover since the time of application.  Also, does go on long term SSD, he will most likely recieve medical asst and then the children may be elligalbe for it as well (free healthcare isn't always such a bad thing!).  Anyway, HTH and again, sorry to intrude.