Enough to modify visitation

[dipper]

Soc,

We are in VA.  Custody reversed in May after two failed attempts - reversal took place after bm was evicted from apt. and son kicked out of school second year in a row.  

Son had criminal charges relating to school incidents, and bm demanded her lawyer be his lawyer and kept insisting that I pay part of bill, which I refused because of concerns of conflict of interest.

Twice bm has admitted in court of cursing me in front of son, which is a violation of order and no action was taken by court.   Since reversal of custody, bm is demanding more time than I had with exact same wording.

I filed for a show cause on her cursing me within five minutes of reversal in front of son....and a clarification to address the conflicting visitation.

I have made offer to bm in writing that if she is willing to sit down and talk these matters over with me, I will drop court motions to save us all the stress and ongoing financial matters.  She has ignored this offer.

However, bm's behavior is worsening still and I am concerned about her hostility pouring over onto bad decisions regarding our son.  Most recent, son's hearing was Monday.....she waited until I got there Monday morning to tell me - "Lawyer will not be here today because my father refuses to pay your half of the bill!" (And no, I didnt ask, she knew I was not going to pay her lawyer.)

This was done in front of son, blaming me for lack of representation.  I had no prior notice, and I feel she was willing to throw son to the wolves just to have her way - HER lawyer or no lawyer, and I take the blame.

lawyer did show up and after hugging lawyer, she told son, "mama came through for you again."

Soc, I spoke with lawyer privately and found that bm was lying about payments.  He is charging $1000 for son...she has only paid $100, while claiming twice that she had paid much more.  She retained him nine months ago.

These are the things that have me concerned:

Worsening financial situation, despite living with parents for five months:
*   Apartment she was evicted from five months ago is taking her to court in August for warrant in debt
*  though she authorized and took son to counseling for three months, I have received entire bill - with a letter stating no payments were ever made
*   Son needed shoes while in her care, she could not buy any - citing she had to wait until payday.......I took son new shoes and found that he had cuts in his ankles from wearing shoes with wires completely through the inside.
*   Retained lawyer for son, yet only paid $100 in nine months, and blames me for nonpayment (lied twice)

Building son's hopes:
*  Despite financial problems, took son to an $800 apartment  stating she may rent this one....it costs $200 more than the one evicted from
*  This is building his hopes, because he does not like her father, whom she lives with...

Hostility
*  Called me a F**** idiot five minutes after reversal in front of son and stepchild
*  Told son she would have me arrested when he asked to spend a weekend with me (his wish, I never refused to take him)
*  Blamed me for not paying bills in front of son at court

Hostility toward me appears to be clouding her care of son:
*   Questionable apparel was not taken from son/or brought to my attention.....leaving him vulnerable to more charges.......she took item when he returned to her house with the item a second time and gave to her lawyer

*  Was willing to let son go to court unrepresented rather than tell me so that I could hire another attorney.....son asked for two weeks about attorney and she repeated, "I dont know" each time.....making sure he could not tell me attorney was not expected at court....

Soc, this is only the matters that have occured in front of son....the day of the hearing was awful as she continuously fussed at and called me names - mostly out of son's hearing.

Does this seem enough to request a limited visitation for a trial period - of say, six months, to review her behavior at that time?

[socrateaser]

>Does this seem enough to request a limited visitation for a
>trial period - of say, six months, to review her behavior at
>that time?

The only relevant issue in my opinion is the continued display of hostility towards you in front of the child, or behind your back. The question is: can you prove that it's occuring, or will it just be your word against the other parent's. If you can prove that this hostility is routinely in evidence, with objective evidence, then you should be able to restrain the other parent from exercising custody without submitting to some anger management therapty.

If you can't prove it with hard facts, then I don't believe you have a case.