Several questions

[angel]

Hello

I tried registering under my name but it said i had the wrong type of email so im using my wifes login.  Sorry this is so long, but I have alot of questions, and hope to only take your time once--so thx in advance.

Custody case was setteled in Ohio, 2000.   BM and i still reside in ohio, i live in a different county than her now though.

 My ex girlfriend (BM) and I have joint legal, but I was given 9 months of the school year for residential purposes.  

 Papers say "Reasonable phone contact with son" is permitted --they say nothing abuot phone time between her and I. I talk to her during pickups/dropoffs anyway (as long as shes not cussing me out).

 BM only talks to son about 10 minutes a YEAR on the phone, (her choice) but has called and demanded to speak to me close to 500 x in the last 2.5 yrs. I would have no prob talking to her on phone a REASonable amt of times each yr, but this is beyond ridiculous.

She doesnt ask how sons doing, or any concerns for him, she just wants to prove she still has rights of access to me and to pull power plays, and wants to try to horn in on my life with my DW and try to cause problems.

BM refuses to even leave a simple 5 second message on machine saying shes canceling for that week. She has used son (when hes up there) as a pawn to force me to call her back when she knew I didn't want (or need) to.  

We had already made arrangements in person on a Friday to meet 1/2 way for pickup on Sunday.  But an hour before I was supposed to leave, she left a thinly veiled threat on my answering machine "if you don't call me back i'll....well, i don't know WHAT i'll do...so you BETTer call me".

She can be abusive on the phone, and has even called my WORK place just to cuss me out (which affects my work performance and is on my boss's time). Son wasn't even in her home, so it wasnt emerg. BM also calls DW filthy names and talks badly about her to son.

Since son is with  DW 300 days a yr, (since son was barely 7) she  is "mom" to my son, so it distresses me to know how hard it is on him emotionally to have to listen to BM about this subject.

DW has been around son more in 2.5 yrs than BM has in 10.5, so son is quite close to, & loves DW deeply, and we have never, and would never put down BM to son--not for any reason.  It doesn't matter what we know or feel, we wouldnt do that to him.

 It was court ordered BM pay 1/2 of OOP medical/dental expenses. She hasn't paid any. I had never requested CS last 6 yrs. Am now in the process of having the court order her to pay CS, and shes irate --doesnt feel she should have to pay ANYthing.

Son is now 10 1/2 yrs old.  

2003-After my new marriage, it was agreed on, and court ordered that BM would get son 1st 3 wknds each month, and that Jan. thru March I would drive whole way (4 hrs round trip). We are to meet at 1/2 way point April thru December.

 BM is often late on pickups--anywhere from 1/2 hr to  1 1/2 hrs, and sometimes doesn't even show--I have documented each time.

BM is supposed to have son at least 90-128 days per year (which includes holiday time).  This yr she will have him only about 60 days (by her choice). Even when son is there hes only in her home less than 1/2 that time--rest of time hes with anyone she can get to watch him.

2005, BM started canceling sometimes during her scheduled times with son.  Then the first time she drove in April of 06, she informed me that she would prob only be getting son 1 or 2 times a month. She hasnt gotten him 3 wknds a month yet since April.


here are my questions:

1 Can she (or the court) FORCE me to take abusive and or unecessary calls from her? IMO, phone time with me is a courtesy (which I should be able to extend or not depend. on sitch).

Since this is my home w/ my DW, I dont feel my ex has a right to intrude for every single excuse she can think of, and ex's

Could I get RO to stop her from demanding to speak directly to me everytime, and court ordered taht she stop putting son in the middle by asking him to come get me to talk to her every time she calls? I just want her to leave a courteous msg on answer. machine.

Could she be court ordered to not call my work place on my employers time?

2. Since it will be well over 6 months that shes shown shes content getting son only 1 or 2 wknds a month, can I still be forced to take him whole way for all 9 visits Jan-March?  Or is she setting a precedent that would allow me to take son less than all 3 wkds each of those 3 months?

Or would it be hard (with documentation of all her cancelations) to get the court to change it to once or twice during Jan-March?  

(IMO its totally unfair to me to have to drive 4 hrs 9 different times when BM is "fine" with having son only half her amt of visits when its HER having to do 1/2 the driving--it should be the same no matter WHOs driving).

3.  Since BM is getting son so few days each yr, would it be hard to get it changed from joint legal to sole custody?  

4. Do I HAVE to wait 1/2 hr past sched. time for pickup? As often as shes late,we shouldnt have to wait 1/2 hr every time. I feel 15 minutes is long enough--It should be her responsibility. to be there at sched. time--I'm there on time, and BM knows what the sched. time is.

BM may forfeit 1 or 2 scheduled times with son for being late, but she hates making the trip to get him, so it would make it worse for her to make the trip and then not be able to pick him up.  So once/twice would be enough to teach her to be resp. enough to be there on time after that.

5. Is there any way of legally stopping BM from hurting son emotionally by putting DW down?  Its in our papers taht shes not supposed to do that with me--i cant see why it couldnt include DW as well since we are family.

I realize I cant force BM to want son as often as shes entitled to see him, or to want to be there on time to get him, (or pick him up at all)  but.....

 I should be able to change what I can do legally in response to her irresponsibility, power plays, etc, (which would help some of these problems right themselves) which is why Im asking these q's.

 Again, thx for taking the time to read and answer, and i tried my best to follow the forum guidelines.

[socrateaser]

>here are my questions:
>
>1 Can she (or the court) FORCE me to take abusive and or
>unecessary calls from her? IMO, phone time with me is a
>courtesy (which I should be able to extend or not depend. on
>sitch).

No one can force you to do anything. You are allowing the abuse. If your ex calls, just ask her if she wants to speak with her son and if not, say, "Is there anything else concerning our child that you'ld like to discuss?" If she says, no, then say, "OK, well if you need to discuss our son feel free to call. Bye." And, then hang up the phone.

After about three of these conversations, your ex will get the message. If she keeps calling back to try to engage you in a phone conversation, put the answering machine on, and wait for her to leave a message concerning your son. If her message is about anything else, ignore it.

>Could I get RO to stop her from demanding to speak directly to
>me everytime, and court ordered taht she stop putting son in
>the middle by asking him to come get me to talk to her every
>time she calls? I just want her to leave a courteous msg on
>answer. machine.

You can, but it will be near impossible to enforce.

>Could she be court ordered to not call my work place on my
>employers time?

Absolutely. This is a little more clear cut, but it will still be difficult to prove she's calling your work unless you send everything to voicemail, record her calls and then use the recordings as evidence of the harrassment.

>
>2. Since it will be well over 6 months that shes shown shes
>content getting son only 1 or 2 wknds a month, can I still be
>forced to take him whole way for all 9 visits Jan-March?  Or
>is she setting a precedent that would allow me to take son
>less than all 3 wkds each of those 3 months?

If you can prove that the other parent is not exercising the custody she is entitled to, you can ask the court to modify on grounds that the unnecessary drive is not in the child's best interests, and that the child's interests argue that the other parent should share the driving time.

>Or would it be hard (with documentation of all her
>cancelations) to get the court to change it to once or twice
>during Jan-March?  

I think this is the wrong approach. The other parent doesn't want to see the kid -- she wants to see you. So, if you get the court to order shared drop off/ pick up, this extra work will cause your ex to not exercise custody most of the time, and then you won't have to drive. Ask the court to have her pick up at the beginning of her time. That way if she doesn't show, then you don't have to do any driving.

>
>(IMO its totally unfair to me to have to drive 4 hrs 9
>different times when BM is "fine" with having son only half
>her amt of visits when its HER having to do 1/2 the
>driving--it should be the same no matter WHOs driving).

Yes, so you have said. There's no reason to constantly justify your questions. The vent is wasted on me. I've heard every custody story ever told, 100xs already. ;-)

>
>3.  Since BM is getting son so few days each yr, would it be
>hard to get it changed from joint legal to sole custody?

Very hard and very expensive. It's not necessary based on your facts.

>4. Do I HAVE to wait 1/2 hr past sched. time for pickup? As
>often as shes late,we shouldnt have to wait 1/2 hr every time.
>I feel 15 minutes is long enough--It should be her
>responsibility. to be there at sched. time--I'm there on time,
>and BM knows what the sched. time is.

Get a new order and make her pick up at the beginning of exercise of custody, and this will become a non-issue.

>
>BM may forfeit 1 or 2 scheduled times with son for being late,
>but she hates making the trip to get him, so it would make it
>worse for her to make the trip and then not be able to pick
>him up.  So once/twice would be enough to teach her to be
>resp. enough to be there on time after that.

Unnecessary vent.

>
>5. Is there any way of legally stopping BM from hurting son
>emotionally by putting DW down?  Its in our papers taht shes
>not supposed to do that with me--i cant see why it couldnt
>include DW as well since we are family.

You can ask for the order, but it's almost impossible to enforce, because of the difficulty of proving it beyond reasonable doubt. Unless, you give your son a tape recorder and he tells his mom that he's recording her, which will create a huge storm that the kid shouldn't be a part of.

>
>I realize I cant force BM to want son as often as shes
>entitled to see him, or to want to be there on time to get
>him, (or pick him up at all)  but.....

yawn...

>
> I should be able to change what I can do legally in response
>to her irresponsibility, power plays, etc, (which would help
>some of these problems right themselves) which is why Im
>asking these q's.

uh, huh...

>
> Again, thx for taking the time to read and answer, and i
>tried my best to follow the forum guidelines.
>
You're welcome...but no more venting, ok?