Name change for son

[holly123]

Hi,
My son has always been called by his middle name. His first name is his dad's name, which isn't a very attractive name, btw.  When we go to Dr's offices, school, or anything 'official', he always has to go through a process to have people call him by what he is called- his middle name, not the name he never uses, which is his dad's name anyway. I have to constantly sign forms (exampl: F. Peter Lastname). I think it would be simpler for him in life to make his middle name officially his first to avoid this confusion.  I named him his father's name on a last minute whim in the hospital after birth to catch dad's attention so he wouldn't ignore me and his then baby.  It was a bad decision.

I filed for a name change. We have joint custody. I asked the clerk if dad objects (which he will-just to be difficult) can I still have the judge hear my argument. He said yes. That I have to serve dad by registered letter of court date, once I arrange it by the judge I am assigned.

I called dad tonight on a separate issue- that he is not paying his share of after school expenses, so I am w/drawing son from program as I cannot afford it. I have been paying all this time, though dad uses it when he needs to. As well, he is not paying half of the medical expenses: I get 66.00 deducted every pay period, which is every two weeks, for my son's portion of the medical- it may be higher- I don't think I am including dental. He sends, by his determination, 60.00 for each month, when he feels like it, which is inconsistant, so I don't get reimbursed in any sort of timely fashion.  He also seems to feel this is per month, not per pay period, so for those months that there are three payperiods, I am out of luck-- March and August so far this year.  He insists it is per month, end of story, click.

Anyway, I informed himthat I was interested in changing son's name, and he immediately, as usual without letting me talk, was loud/against it/and threatening me with further court action ("I will bring up a lot more things...ect").  I informed him that I would be sending him a registered letter to inform him of date. He said he would not pck it up.

Question 1: If he does not pick it up, is that a fail onmy part to serve him?

2.Have I made a reasonable attempt?

3.What is the courts norm posdsition on this kind of name change where the parents disagree.

4. Do you think I have a valid argument, based on my son's best interest?

5My son likes the idea. The court requires theminor child to be there, but with disagreeing parents, I feel it is unfair to put him in middle.  Dad just reacting this way IMHO as he does anything opposite of what I want.Is there anything re: this you can suggest?

6.Do you have any other advie/comments on anything in the above scenario, i.e. medical and after school scenarios?

I have so many isues with this man, it is overwhelming, and I don't do anything, but I do need to deal with things. I have let many things slide for a long time, as he is so unpleasant to deal with.

Thank you.

[socrateaser]

Quite a vent. Not necessary to answer your questions, but useful to understand the actual situation in play here.

Sidebar...when you get mad at the other parent, remember this: you liked him at least enough to get naked and have sex. So, while you may have good reason to be annoyed, the person who you should be most annoyed with is the one who looks at you when you're putting on your makeup.

>Question: If he does not pick it up, is that a fail onmy part
>to serve him? Have I made a reasonable attempt?

Whether your attempt is reasonable is irrelevant. Every jurisdiction has specific requirements for service on legal petitions for a name change. If your jurisdiction permits service by registered mail, then you will have satisfied the law. If not, you won't, and whether or not you acted resonably under the circumstances will not matter.

>What is the
>courts norm posdsition on this kind of name change where the
>parents disagree?

The child's best interests will be the tie breaker.

Do you think I have a valid argument, based
>on my son's best interest?

Your argument is that the child uses his middle name and it's a pain to have to correct people on the issue.

Your ex's argument will undoubtedly be that you hate him (which, based upon your vent, it appears that you do indeed) and that you are attempting to punish him by excluding him from the child's life by removing his name.

I can't say what he real judge will do, and I won't guess. But, if I were judge, I'd probably ask you if you would agree to leave the child's name the way it is in return for the other parent paying all of the past due amounts you claim he owes, and a penalty of $1,000.

If you said yes, I'd fine you $1,000 and dismiss the petition. If you said no, I'd ask the other parent if he would agree to the name change in exchange for his not having to pay child support. If he said yes, I'd allow the name change.

If he said no, I'd take the kid into chambers and ask him to convince me as to why I should let him change his name. If he succeeded, I'd allow the change, otherwise not.

>Do you have any other advie/comments on anything in the above
>scenario?

Put the child first, and ask the other parent to do the same. Then, move on with your life. Both of you are enjoying pushing each other's buttons as a means of punishing each other and exerting control. Unless you can stop the cycle it will continue and it will harm the child's development and his ability to deal with others in relationships.

Thus is not easy to accomplish -- but you need to make it your life's work or you will be sorry someday in the not-too-distant future. It's gonna come back and bite you on the arse.

P.S. why are the post dates in this forum all
>mixed up- i.e. some from '05? Is it just my computer?

Check your time zone setting (double-click on the time on the start bar, then click on the time zone tab).

[holly123]

Hi,
My son has always been called by his middle name. His first name is his dad's name, which isn't a very attractive name, btw.  When we go to Dr's offices, school, or anything 'official', he always has to go through a process to have people call him by what he is called- his middle name, not the name he never uses, which is his dad's name anyway. I have to constantly sign forms (exampl: F. Peter Lastname). I think it would be simpler for him in life to make his middle name officially his first to avoid this confusion.  I named him his father's name on a last minute whim in the hospital after birth to catch dad's attention so he wouldn't ignore me and his then baby.  It was a bad decision.

I filed for a name change. We have joint custody. I asked the clerk if dad objects (which he will-just to be difficult) can I still have the judge hear my argument. He said yes. That I have to serve dad by registered letter of court date, once I arrange it by the judge I am assigned.

I called dad tonight on a separate issue- that he is not paying his share of after school expenses, so I am w/drawing son from program as I cannot afford it. I have been paying all this time, though dad uses it when he needs to. As well, he is not paying half of the medical expenses: I get 66.00 deducted every pay period, which is every two weeks, for my son's portion of the medical- it may be higher- I don't think I am including dental. He sends, by his determination, 60.00 for each month, when he feels like it, which is inconsistant, so I don't get reimbursed in any sort of timely fashion.  He also seems to feel this is per month, not per pay period, so for those months that there are three payperiods, I am out of luck-- March and August so far this year.  He insists it is per month, end of story, click.

Anyway, I informed himthat I was interested in changing son's name, and he immediately, as usual without letting me talk, was loud/against it/and threatening me with further court action ("I will bring up a lot more things...ect").  I informed him that I would be sending him a registered letter to inform him of date. He said he would not pck it up.

Question 1: If he does not pick it up, is that a fail onmy part to serve him?

2.Have I made a reasonable attempt?

3.What is the courts norm posdsition on this kind of name change where the parents disagree.

4. Do you think I have a valid argument, based on my son's best interest?

5My son likes the idea. The court requires theminor child to be there, but with disagreeing parents, I feel it is unfair to put him in middle.  Dad just reacting this way IMHO as he does anything opposite of what I want.Is there anything re: this you can suggest?

6.Do you have any other advie/comments on anything in the above scenario, i.e. medical and after school scenarios?

I have so many isues with this man, it is overwhelming, and I don't do anything, but I do need to deal with things. I have let many things slide for a long time, as he is so unpleasant to deal with.

Thank you.

[socrateaser]

Quite a vent. Not necessary to answer your questions, but useful to understand the actual situation in play here.

Sidebar...when you get mad at the other parent, remember this: you liked him at least enough to get naked and have sex. So, while you may have good reason to be annoyed, the person who you should be most annoyed with is the one who looks at you when you're putting on your makeup.

>Question: If he does not pick it up, is that a fail onmy part
>to serve him? Have I made a reasonable attempt?

Whether your attempt is reasonable is irrelevant. Every jurisdiction has specific requirements for service on legal petitions for a name change. If your jurisdiction permits service by registered mail, then you will have satisfied the law. If not, you won't, and whether or not you acted resonably under the circumstances will not matter.

>What is the
>courts norm posdsition on this kind of name change where the
>parents disagree?

The child's best interests will be the tie breaker.

Do you think I have a valid argument, based
>on my son's best interest?

Your argument is that the child uses his middle name and it's a pain to have to correct people on the issue.

Your ex's argument will undoubtedly be that you hate him (which, based upon your vent, it appears that you do indeed) and that you are attempting to punish him by excluding him from the child's life by removing his name.

I can't say what he real judge will do, and I won't guess. But, if I were judge, I'd probably ask you if you would agree to leave the child's name the way it is in return for the other parent paying all of the past due amounts you claim he owes, and a penalty of $1,000.

If you said yes, I'd fine you $1,000 and dismiss the petition. If you said no, I'd ask the other parent if he would agree to the name change in exchange for his not having to pay child support. If he said yes, I'd allow the name change.

If he said no, I'd take the kid into chambers and ask him to convince me as to why I should let him change his name. If he succeeded, I'd allow the change, otherwise not.

>Do you have any other advie/comments on anything in the above
>scenario?

Put the child first, and ask the other parent to do the same. Then, move on with your life. Both of you are enjoying pushing each other's buttons as a means of punishing each other and exerting control. Unless you can stop the cycle it will continue and it will harm the child's development and his ability to deal with others in relationships.

Thus is not easy to accomplish -- but you need to make it your life's work or you will be sorry someday in the not-too-distant future. It's gonna come back and bite you on the arse.

P.S. why are the post dates in this forum all
>mixed up- i.e. some from '05? Is it just my computer?

Check your time zone setting (double-click on the time on the start bar, then click on the time zone tab).