Need help for upcoming court case in NY please

[stepmom]

My husband has a 13 year old daughter from a previous relationship and have to go back to court on Dec 2nd and I desperately need help.  We have not hired an attorney and was wondering if I should.  Here is my story:

This entire year we have been fighting for visitation of his daughter.  We went to court in July because we hadn't seen his daughter for most of the summer.  So we filed a violation of the existing order and also asked for it to be modified since his work schedule had changed.  His daughter's mother must have gotten knowledge that we were doing this and filed to have a modification done as well.  Meanwhile the mother was still not allowing us visitation so the judge gave us a temporary order to get immediate visitation before she went back to school so we could spend some time with her.   A law guardian was appointed to his daughter and they did a Linking Hearing & talked to the daughter.  The judge said she wanted to have a relationship with her father and that she liked me the stepmom but she was conflicted because of all the fighting going on.  So the judge told the mother she needed to quit interferring with visitation and must promote it and there was no reason to call while she was there.   Since that order was done the 1st week of August the weekend visitation has not been what is was suppose to be.  Pick her up on Sat @ 10:00 am and take her to school on Monday morning.  Needless to say it has not gone as the court order says.  One weekend about a month ago her mother called her numerous times as well as her grandmother & aunt.  My husband eventually let her go to her aunts house on Sunday night to avoid being the bad guy and telling her no but also advised her that this would be the last weekend of this.  She needed to spend her time with us and that was that.  Well her mother continued to call her another 6 times sometimes minutes apart.  In total over 10 calls that day.  I've had about enough of it because she is always calling to harass us or start a fight so I filed a harrassment charge against her and got a restraining order so she could no longer call her or come near our house.  I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter who does not need to hear or see her mother's temper.  She uses such foul language around her own children and I will not allow my daughter to be a part of it.  So she was arrested and given the restraining order.  We gave it some time & called to try to talk to his daughter who was upset @ us.  We tried to explain to her why we did this and her mother was listening on the phone the entire time and when My husband made a certain comment about how her mother needs to obide by rules or pay the consequences she proceeded to swear @ him and hang up.  So she was in contempt of the restraining order and we filed another report and she was arrested again for contempt of a restraining order.  Now his daughter has not been up for the last 2 weekends she was to be here.  She is upset with us because of what we did.  We have no way to talk to her without her mother being there.  We are scheduled to go back to court on Dec 2nd and the same law guardian that saw her before and said he could definately see the daughter was intimidated by her mother.  Now the mother has petioned the court to have him dismissed and another  law guardian appointed because she does not like him and what he has to say about the situation.  Meanwhile we have filed 2 vistitation violations since the Aug court date and the judge keeps threatening to change custody to us if the mother doesn't enforce the vistitation.  I guess my question is on many violations do you need and proof that Parental Alienation exists with her.  She has totally now turned his daughter against us.  I am so stressed out about this and have been dealing with this all year.  I am so hurt but what hurts me the most is the what the children have to put up with.  My 2 1/2 year old daughter loves her sister so much and even though she hasn't seen much of her she has not forgotten about her and constantly asks:  WHere's Sissy?   It is heart breaking and something you cant explain to her @ this age.  I know his daughter is also been seriously affected but I don't know what else to do to help her other than to keep fighting. I'm afraid if we give up everything we've fought for so far it will look as if we are giving up and she will think we don't love her.  We are doing all this because we do love her and she is too young to see this right now and is seriously brainwashed by her mother.   Any help anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated.  Ive been doing so much research and trying to avoid the costly fees of an attorney.  Her mother is represented by public defenders but because we both work when she refuses we dont qualify.   Thanks for listening

[KAT]

First, if you haven't filed a motion for a change in custody due to parental interferance I would so NOW. Ask that custody be given to the obviously more cooperative parent. The judge can't order what you don't put before him/her. It sounds like you have a decent judge by the way, consider yourself lucky. What was your answer to bio's motion to terminate the GAL? And heck, I doubt she's her *shopping* is going to turn up a GAL with a different response to her PASing the child.
KAT

[stepmom]

Thanks for the response back Kat.  No we haven't filed a motion yet to change custoday.  The judge has already threatened the BM with that if she doesn't enforce visitation.  The daughter really hates us right now and already made the comment that she would not come to stay with us if that is what we were trying to do but my husband said she didn't have a choice.  Not sure if @ the age of 13 wether she does have a choice and the judge will listen to her or not.  Do we have to request it then or will he do it automatically due to her non-compliance.  I hope you're right about the new GAL we will see just waiting for the ruling from the judge.  I don't think he is going to change it especailly after what the current GAL has said. The current GAL I gave paperwork to on the subject of PAS just incase he was not familiar with it.  So we will see what happens.  I just hate the waiting game

[mom012]

Howie is very reasonable - file for counceling - Judge Sullivan is very familiar with PAS - we lived it - and still do a little for 5 years. and I personally gave him much much reading material.

from having the kids 50/50 to nothing to finally 50/50 again - a long strung out battle.

Laywers in CHENANGO COUNTY only do the minimum for you - you have to demand it to get anything - they say don't bother - but do bother - ask for mediation with Kim Frey, Mental Health Clinic - he is a pain and likes to go into stories bla bla bla - but at least he can get you time with daughter - send daughter cards everyweek - even if she is in the same town - just love yous - smiles, etc. she will come around - my 15yr old stepduaghter just recently thanked me for sticky by her even when she played mom and dad...

Catholic Charities - Lis Howe (think she got married) is also good at FAMILY COUNCELING - go for it - file for it

who is your GAL - Revoir - Dunshee- Gordon - DiStefano -- Freese(sp) are all good - we used them ALL

With filing a  violation you have to ask for more than that - in the petition you must ask for MAKE UP TIME for time missed - this was an inside tip - and it worked

Howie in our case even told the BM your children will go and will enjoy themselves - and they did but of course they went back to moms complaining - wouldn't you at 13 if it got YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANTED.  Be Firm be sweet - stay calm.

Needless to say she NEVER got one contempt - we had to work it out and it was what is best for the children...

After a few months of this then file for modification - thurs - mon - the more time you can spend with the daughter the better.

A boy in TX just shot his DAD for the mom was telling him his dad did not love him...bla bla bla...
please visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/newyorkcivilrightscouncil/
 we are a small, just starting, yet motivated group --

Knowledge is power - know what your duaghter is going through - if you husband now could not stand up to the mom - how can a 13 year old - this is what I tell my husband every time falls off his shoes or complains about his children during their time at their moms.

STAY STRONG - YOUR NOT ALONE!

[stepmom]

thanks mom012 for all the valuable information.  I was shocked that someone so close to me has gone thru the same stuff and the information you gave was great.  I would love to talk to you more and sent you a personal message.

[mom012]

sure - [email protected]

also visit
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/newyorkcivilrightscouncil/

[stepmom]

Some good news-I just found out that the judge in our case denied the mother's request to dismiss the current law guardian because she didn't like what he had to say.   Its a good thing we have a restraning order against her right now because I'm sure she is livid right now & would be constantly calling.  Will see if everything else goes good on 12-2/would you file a violation every weekend if you didn't get visitation or would you wait to bring it us in court??  We have already filed 3 since August so I don't know how many they consider excessive before changing custody