Son needs braces

[mistoffolees]

If it's cosmetic, you're out of luck. You can't force the issue. All you can do is ask and offer to pay (I would suggest that you offer to pay for the amount that's not covered by insurance so that insurance picks up some of the bill) as you've done.

One thing you want to think about. Your first post was about how your son 'NEEDS' braces, but you're now saying it's cosmetic. By saying that he needs something that's purely cosmetic, you are potentially doing a number of things:
1. possibly harming his self-esteem (particularly if the mother doesn't go for it). Sorry, but straight teeth isn't a requirement in most jobs that I know of, nor is it a major life impediment to have crooked teeth (my teeth have been crooked my entire life and it's not a big deal). By saying he needs it, you could create the image in his mind that his value as a person depends on physical appearance.
2. this is the way lots of people get started with a sense of entitlement. IMHO, braces are a luxury and sending the message that they're a requirement confuses kids about what matters and what doesn't - and often makes them think that what they want is what they should get.
3. you're setting yourself up for a conflict with your ex. If she sees you as making unreasonable demands (by saying that he NEEDS braces when it's just a cosmetic issue), you're not going to have a very good working relationship

Maybe I'm reading things into your initial message, and if so I apologize, but my pet peeve is people who confuse 'need' with 'want'.

[ncpneedshelp]

I completely understand what you are saying.

Unfortunately, in the world today, people are judged on their
appearance.  As I stated before he is already being teased about
his teeth.  So to me, that is a need...because it is hurting him emotionally.  Yes, I know kids tease, that's normal.  But isn't a parent wanting to make things better for their kids normal too!?!

I am not going to push the issue, believe me there are many more important issues we have problems with!  So if issue is ignored
I will probably drop it for now.... But as I was taught if you don't ask you won't get!  

Thank you, again!

[mistoffolees]

>I completely understand what you are saying.
>
>Unfortunately, in the world today, people are judged on their
>appearance.  As I stated before he is already being teased
>about
>his teeth.  So to me, that is a need...because it is hurting
>him emotionally.  Yes, I know kids tease, that's normal.  But
>isn't a parent wanting to make things better for their kids
>normal too!?!
>
>I am not going to push the issue, believe me there are many
>more important issues we have problems with!  So if issue is
>ignored
>I will probably drop it for now.... But as I was taught if you
>don't ask you won't get!  
>
>Thank you, again!

Well, you could possibly argue that it's needed for her emotional health if her teeth are so bad that it's just plain hideous, but other than that, I'd put this in the category of 'parents can't guarantee a world free of hurtful behavior'. Kids are tough. If it wasn't the teeth, it would be the weight. Or the height. Or hair color. Or something else. In my experience, ALL kids get picked on about something. The difference between the ones who do well and the ones who don't is how they deal with it.

Good luck.

[MixedBag]

the child COULD get this done when they are an adult if the CP decides not to allow the NCP to pay for it and cooperate by taking the child to the appointments and stuff.

Yes, tons of psychological damage will be done in the mean time, but it CAN be fixed later (and probably cost more and stuff), but adults also wear braces.

And psychologically, this will have a positive impact on the child's relationship with the parent who is willing to set things straight after many years of putting up with crooked teeth.

Or maybe the answer is to wait until the child can drive themselves to the appointments and get things done (which would mean more around 16 or so).

[mistoffolees]

>the child COULD get this done when they are an adult if the
>CP decides not to allow the NCP to pay for it and cooperate by
>taking the child to the appointments and stuff.
>
>Yes, tons of psychological damage will be done in the mean
>time, but it CAN be fixed later (and probably cost more and
>stuff), but adults also wear braces.

Or the kid may grow up and realize it's not such a big deal, after all. Every time I see the dentist he says that he could fix my crooked teeth without too much difficulty. Money isn't an issue, but I'm just not vain enough to want to go through it.

>
>And psychologically, this will have a positive impact on the
>child's relationship with the parent who is willing to set
>things straight after many years of putting up with crooked
>teeth.
>
>Or maybe the answer is to wait until the child can drive
>themselves to the appointments and get things done (which
>would mean more around 16 or so).

That doesn't solve the real problem. The mother has sole legal custody. I don't believe the father could legally sign for braces no matter how the transportation works out.

[Jade]

>the child COULD get this done when they are an adult if the
>CP decides not to allow the NCP to pay for it and cooperate by
>taking the child to the appointments and stuff.
>
>Yes, tons of psychological damage will be done in the mean
>time, but it CAN be fixed later (and probably cost more and
>stuff), but adults also wear braces.
>
>And psychologically, this will have a positive impact on the
>child's relationship with the parent who is willing to set
>things straight after many years of putting up with crooked
>teeth.
>
>Or maybe the answer is to wait until the child can drive
>themselves to the appointments and get things done (which
>would mean more around 16 or so).


Getting it done is better as a child, as it is much easier to get the jaw to change shape when children are still growing.

My aunt had to have her jaw broken as an adult to get braces.  She wouldn't have had to have this done as a child.

[Kitty C.]

......and make sure you have ALL the facts before you give out that kind of 'advice', Jade.  If your aunt had to have her jaw broken before she got braces, it wasn't because of the braces but probably something else that had to be fixed before applying braces.  Or from some other problem that developed at some time in her life.  Or it could be congenital and she had it all her life.  MANY possibilities as to why she had to have it done.

I work in a collegiate oral surgery clinic..........breaking the jaw is a very rare occurance nowadays and there must be extenuating circumstances before they will go that far.  The only possible difference between getting braces as a teen compared to adult is that it 'might' take longer as an adult.  Then again, it might not.  EVERY person is different and what happens to one may not happen to another.  And everyone reacts to treatment differently as well.  Some progress rapidly, while others take more time.

[MixedBag]

hate to disagree, but both of my girls and my son have had their "jaw broken" -- when it comes right down to it.

All three had an appliance mounted in their upper jaw to their teeth and it had this thing in the middle that (for the girls), I turned each day and over a period of I think it was 6 weeks, they upper jaw was made wider and "was broken".  It didn't hurt them.

Their front two teeth were actually apart by a bit, and then they went back together on their own.

The appliance stayed in place for a very long time to allow the bone to grow back and heal therefore their upper jaw was now wider to allow for more space to fit all the teeth.

[MixedBag]

You're right.  Until the child emancipates, mom has the final say.

But c'mon, if the child can drive himself/herself there, and the other parent is footing the bill entirely, is the court gonna find the NCP in contempt and stop something that the child wants?

[MixedBag]

getting it done as a child IS much better.

But this NCP is saying that the CP won't approve.

And I'm throwing the idea out there that the NCP can decide to also support this down the road when the child is an adult -- because the focus is to support the endeavor for the child.

And if the CP won't cooperate now, the NCP can always still support later.