Police Report and 911 Calls.Cell Phone Harassment, & ACS Call, etc

[Jade]

>I am sorry I need to state what the order states specifically
>so, you can understand.
>
>"Pick up and return at Dunkin Donuts.  Friday pick-up curbside
>at mother's home.  No one to be present except parents at
>Dunkin Donuts.  Holiday visitation11am-7pm pick up and return
>curbside at the mother's home.
>So, when you state that the mother can file a contempt of
>court charges against my boyfriend your information is
>inccorect b/c at no moment does it state that no one could not
>accompany my BF to the pick up and drop off at the curbside of
>the mother's home.  The only place that no one can accompany
>my BF to is the Dunkin Donuts so, me accompanying him and
>staying a block away is in no way a matter of contempt against
>my BF.  
>Furthermore, my BF has even has inquired to judges and lawyers
>and they have all agreed that my BF is in no way violating the
>court order.  Now my BF has told these same individuals how
>the child's mother is in contempt of the court order b/c she
>has brought her sister, her mother, her neighbor to the Dunkin
>Donuts and they have been physically at the Dunkin Donuts.


In other words, you are not going to do anything to diffuse the situation and you are going to continue to go.  And your boyfriend isn't going to stand up to you and tell you no.

All of you are to blame for this situation.  You can't just blame the mother.  You also need to look to yourself and your boyfriend.  

Somehow, I don't think your boyfriend told the lawyers and judges that you were parked a block away from the public place (you know, the one where it states no one else is to be present) of to drop off.  

I know if I were the mother's lawyer, I would have a field day with that.

[williaer]

Seems your boyfriend needs to take the time to establish some sort of cease fire with the mother....this is only going to get worse.

[notnew]

I do believe your presence at this time is inflaming the situation. HOWEVER, I also believe that the BM must realize that your BF will have either you, or another woman in his life at some point in time over the next 10-15-or so years depending on the age of the child.

SO, with that in mind, I do believe it is time to call a truce on this and lay some serious ground rules.

I think your BF needs to have his attorney, or either write himself a formal, business like letter addressing the exchange conflicts which are not in the best interests of the child. DO NOT detail events or lay blame. Just state a blanket statement saying that since there have been issues regarding the exchange, he believes it would be in the best interest of the child to diffuse the situation immediately.

In this letter, he should request that all exchanges for at least 6 months take place inside of the police station that is closest to the current exchange place (the Dunkin Donuts). Also, that ALL exchanges take place at the police station.

He should stipulate that for the first 3 months, neither one of them be permitted to bring anybody to the exchange with them. AND he should show up early enough to be already inside when BM arrives for his own protection.

After the 3 months, then both parties are free to bring someone along with them should they desire to do so. BUT, that person will remain in the vehicle parked out in the parking lot while said exchange is taking place.

All parties involved agree to keep discussions limited to topics involving the care and control of the child only. Also, all parties involved agree to not harass, disparage, or otherwise harass each other or any other persons traveling with either parties in the parking lot.

State in the letter that the parties can review this arrangement nearing the end of the 6 months to modify the arrangement in the hopes that both parties have become accustomed to the process and feel more comfortable with it.

Send it certified return receipt requested and state that the changes will be in effect immediately.

Your BF needs to do this to protect himself as well as you.

I want you to understand that I DO not agree with stipulations dictating who can and can't be present at exchanges. In our case, we drive 60 miles one way to exchange on Friday evenings. To demand my wife not be present is unrealistic as we spend time with my family on those Friday evenings prior to driving back home.

AND I think letting one party take control of these matters simply because they cannot behave like adults is unacceptable as well. HOWEVER, I think that in this case, all parties have behaved badly at one point in time, so it is time to draw a sensible line in the sand that EVERYONE must adhere to that is in the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD.

What kind of memories are you all creating for this child? Not good ones. Your BF needs to act in the child's best interest. Not yours, BM's, or his. Having the exchange at the police station will give everyone involved the "security blanket" that is obviously needed for all involved and give the kid the breathing room necessary to make things as easy as possible for the kid.

The finger pointing that BF, you, grandmother, BM, etc., are doing is not looked on favorably by the courts. It is time to get it under control.

It will benefit your BF greatly to be the one who puts forth a sensible and workable resolution to these issues without the court's intervention and without a TRO from the mother. Believe me, this is leading to criminal charges that MAY stick. Neither one of you want that I know.

NOW, should he try to resolve these matters amicably and in a logical fashion, and BM refuse to comply then it will clearly show who is causing the problems.

BTW he should cc a copy of this letter to the court and include a Certificate of Service (find it on this site if you dont' know what it is) asking them to enter it into the record.

I cannot stress to you strongly enough how badly these actions will effect things for your BF in holding on to his relationship with his child.