Need Info

[seamus]

Its been a while since I have been here and I use to go by T0052sc but I have had to make some changes to my life.  Which brings me to my question.  I have never known my bio father till recently and have found out what a low life he is.  For this I do not want to cary his last name and want to change it to my Grandfathers from my mom side.  Now the hard part is the kids.  I know my ex will not allow me to change their last name but I don't want the kids to feel separated from me because we don't share the same last name.  Thay felt this way when their mother changed her's back to her maiden name.  So here is my questions
1. What is involved in changing your last name?
2. If I do change my last name can I periodicly use my old name when it comes to the kids so they wont feel confused?  For example school reg.

I live in NH and am the primary phisical custodian of the children.

Thank you.

[Kitty C.]

You will have to check with your local court, but as far as I know, it's just a matter of filing a petition for a name change with the court.  There is a fee, of course and that cost will differ depending on which jurisdiction you're in.

As for your kids, there's no easy answer to that, especially since the ONLY way you can have their names changed is if BOTH mother and father agree....but the process is the same as an adult.  One possibility for you is to use both your current last name and your maternal grandfather's, even hyphenated if you want.  That way you still maintain a 'connection' with your kids.  Nowadays, some people will use two names for their first, middle, or last names and often they don't even hyphenate it.  It's a matter of personal preference.

Just remember one thing:  when your kids turn 18 (or age of majority in your state), they have the legal right to change their name to anything they want to, too.  ;-)

[MixedBag]

here in this county, you have to go to the Probate Court/Office and ask.  It didn't cost much, and it didn't take long.  But that was over 10 years ago when I did that -- forgot to ask or didn't know to ask for my maiden name back during the divorce.

With all my disasterous marriages now behind me, I answer to 4 different last names.....and basically use humor if the "other person" is embarassed because they didn't use my correct last name.  It just plain doesn't bother me because it's not THEIR fault when the mistake is made.

Heck, I even share that my father has a "maiden name" because he totally changed his last name (like all the men in his family) when he immigrated to the states some 50 years ago....

What it does do for me though, is that when I hear a certain last name, I know which child/marriage this person is calling about and then take it from there.

How do my kids feel?  I've never tried or wanted to change their last name and "encroach" on their heritage.  Just like they have one mom, one dad, and the step-parents are first names and respect as IF they were a bio-parent is encouraged and supported.

Even if there is another round, there isn't another name change on the horizon.....just won't do it.

I think if you explained to the kids WHY you changed your last name, it will help.  Then if they want to change their last name, fine.  If EX/Mom wants to change it to your new name, fine.  Or maybe something totally different like a combo hyphenated of the two.

Heck, all but one of my last names is a spelling nightmare, and the simple one is as well.....so 99% of the time, I'm just plain "first name" anyways when someone calls.  They can't say the last name...and we chuckle over it together.

Even in the MILITARY -- I remember Gen Spiegel and Gen Lord coming to me and they'd say "First name" -- and yep, the others would get jealous, instead of realizing that they were both saving themselves from saying my last name wrong.

I like what Cher does.....It's just Cher.