Question for NCP Moms (with all due respect)

[highlonesome]

So many of us hear about the bias in family court against men -- and personal experience, friends, and statistics do seem to bear this out.  Because of this, I'm interested in your stories and understanding how it is that moms sometimes do end up without primary custody.

I ask this question with all due respect to the moms here and I sympathize with all you're going through.

Thanks....

[MixedBag]

Our personal stories seemed to have scrolled off the board and the reasons for not having custody of our children vary widely...

Mine is/was blackmail -- plain and simple.

One mom put her faith in her attorney....

Another didn't have money......

So the reasons run the entire spectrum......

[Tiresias]

I was ill  and knew that i wasnt the best parent at that time and i made the decision myself to give them to their father.  I made the right choice then, but its a whole new ballgame now.


Ladybug3

[bigsigh2004]

I can reply as a CP dad (who is currently trying to figure out a way to successfully eat crow, swallow it and place my daughter back where she belongs...with mom)

I had the money, she didn't. I had the lawyer she didn't. She had the nervous breakdown because I had the lawyer and the money and was squeezing her with it.

My lawyer took her weak point, exploited it, I was too pissed off at the bitterness of our divorce to think ahead that her mental deterioration was only temporary and decided our DD was better off with my new wife and I. I had the money to pay all the right people to say all the right things, and in no time, I was the CP.

[olanna]

"I had the money, she didn't."...pretty much sums it up for how custody was given to dad after the child lived 11 years with me.

:(

[stk_agn]

I had custody of my children until I started having serious financial trouble (no drugs or alcohol involved). My son went to live with his bio dad and my daughter went to stay with my mother (all temporarily, of course,,,, or that's what they told me at the time)

I had to choose between feeding my children or paying utility bills,,, well, I chose to feed my babies,, i lost my house,, i lost my car,, i lost my job,, AND i lost my kids because I thought I was doing "what was best for my children"

It was the right decision at the time but now,,,, My mother and my ex have taken advantage of the fact that I was in a difficult situation and are using it against me. (surprise, surprise!!!)

I am currently fighting my mother in court over custody of my daughter (which by the way, I ended up losing in court last week)

I have no intentions of giving up and letting my mother keep my child. She raised her kids and now it is time that I raise mine.  (Appeal already in progress)

TO THE AUTHOR OF THE ORIGINAL POST:

 I think it all boils down to NCP Moms doing what they think is best for their children and end up getting burned, sucker punched, blind-sided or stabbed in the back by ones that "PROMISED" not to make it hard on them to visit with or get their children back.

Being a NCP (mother) I sympathize with all the NCP (mothers or fathers) that are having a difficult time visiting with or getting their children back.  

My opinion is this,,,, I think that if all CP could see both sides of the fence (which I have been on both sides,,,i.e. receiving and paying CS,,, controling and having no control over visitation schedules) there wouldn't be so many children suffering due to the fights and need to control between the parents.

Remember,,,, it is about the children and the children only. Not how ticked off you can make the other parent. Think of the children being witness to this.

[MixedBag]

" think that if all CP could see both sides of the fence (which I have been on both sides,,,i.e. receiving and paying CS,,, controling and having no control over visitation schedules) there wouldn't be so many children suffering due to the fights and need to control between the parents.

Remember,,,, it is about the children and the children only. Not how ticked off you can make the other parent. Think of the children being witness to this. "

I've often thought -- "I dare you to walk a mile in my shoes"   And I bet he and fake-wife wouldn't behave the way they do.

Heck, Fake-wife didn't even TELL him he was a dad for the first 5 years of his daughters life.  Perfect example of her way of thinking....don't tell, don't have to share.




 

[justme73]

>I can reply as a CP dad (who is currently trying to figure
>out a way to successfully eat crow, swallow it and place my
>daughter back where she belongs...with mom)
>
>I had the money, she didn't. I had the lawyer she didn't. She
>had the nervous breakdown because I had the lawyer and the
>money and was squeezing her with it.
>
>My lawyer took her weak point, exploited it, I was too pissed
>off at the bitterness of our divorce to think ahead that her
>mental deterioration was only temporary and decided our DD was
>better off with my new wife and I. I had the money to pay all
>the right people to say all the right things, and in no time,
>I was the CP.
>
>
this is exactly what happened to me.  

[olanna]

Seems to be quite a growing number of us, don't you think? I am just proud that some guy had the guts to tell the truth about what he did and why.

[MixedBag]

When  read your post, I was gonna say "I asked the Moms here a while ago to tell their story" so just go "there" and read that.  But I couldn't find it myself....

Well, Under the preferences, you can set it to show posts that are older, like 6 months or so...

THEN you can scroll down on the board and you'll see the thread I started.  It was a while ago, but Gecko, Olanna, Butterfly, and a few others went into more detail.

The last time I posted there was August 22 -- and since theycan be sorted by date order, that should help you find their stories -- or backgrounds.