New to the boards

[angel]

 "is living with her dad in Tennessee and he has a girlfriend that wants to be mommy.. it's really sad".

Not really sure I understand why that is "sad"....

If I understood your post correctly, GD was fortunate to have a BF who was willing to step up to the plate and take care of her when your D wasn't able to, (and it hasn't really been proven that she can yet) and from the sounds of it, has a woman in his life who loves your GD also.

With all the horror stories going around of bad SM's, bad BF's, and children getting lost in the shuffle and being abused, unwanted, and/or uncared for,  if it were me, I'd just be glad that GD is being loved and cared for--it could certainly have been a very different situation!

It's my feeling that a child can never be TOO loved, or by TOO many people.

I hope for your D's AND your GD's sake that your D will eventually get well and stay well.

[Kboeds]

First of all, welcome all newcomers to the site. There are sites out there for non-custodial moms but many of them are getting very difficult to join.

I wanted to address this to mama concerning her D.

I agree with the post that D needs to get sober and stay sober for a while then go back to court for additional visitation. I dont think she should go back asking for full custody or anything drastic like that, she needs to show that she understands that her ability to be a good mother was impaired and she has corrected that. She also needs to show that she feels it is in GD's best interest that their relationship be rebuilt slowly with regular visitation with the posibility of increasing that visitation in the future.

If D goes in after 6 months and says I have been sober for 6 months and I want my daughter back, the courts will probably send her right back to the bottle with their response. She needs to be realistic about her request if she wants the best chance to have more time with her daughter.

Here is what she should do in the mean time.

DD needs to make up a letter form.. something like this.

              Alcoholic Anonymous meeting Attendance Record
                                 for (DD's Name)


    Date          /  Meeting or Group Name      /   Location          /   Witness Signature

________   /     ____________________    /  _________   /               ______________  
________      /      ____________________    /  _________    /     _____________  

Continue with enough lines for several meetings. The courts are going to want proof that she has been and is attending 5 to 7 meetings a week. At each meeting she can take her signature form to the person leading the meeting that week and as them to complete it for her.
This way when she goes to court, she has something to show them that she has been attending regularly and for how long. (If she doesn't have this, it may delay her request for changes because they may tell her they need 6 months to a year of this record in addition to what ever time she has already been sober before they will consider her request.

The next thing she should do it submit to random testing once a month. That would just mean that once a month she would go by her Dr's office and get a urine test. Tell them that she needs the results mailed to her.

In addition to the attendance records, this will show that she has also been regularly tested and the results have shown negative.

She should also get employment to eventually become more independant. The courts are going to look at her ability to keep a job as another sign that she is sober and getting her life in order.

Just my thoughts, hope they help

KB

[Brianna6]

I am new also to the board we all have our own stories and battle scars. It is hard to see a sight like this and believe this all really goes on. I thought I was all alone in this world and every other women had their kids but it not true. I Find that no matter how hard I try I wont ever get my boys back. The step mother and x are so controling to me. I always have to make some kind of deal with them. Nothing goes through. I keep getting told well we will just have to go to court and you wont win because the judge is a family friend. I am no longer going to make a deal with them. They say I am a bad mom and I dont love them and tell the boys that. I hate explaining to my kids that it is not true. I am re-married and he is in the Navy so I cant live by my boys. And they keep telling me that I am wrong for that. I have no choice where I live right now. I have 3 other children 2 step and a baby that my hubby and I had together. And I am told that I am a piece of crap for taking care of them and all I care about is my hubby and the kids here. I really hate them but what else can I do?