I am appealing...any advice...

[mom25]

I am still shocked that the judge gave my ex custody. My son's attorney was so biased against me and said things about me that were simply not true.  I can't believe how many lies were told about me.
I will fight for my son until the very end because I know that I did nothing wrong. My son is 12 and has been so brainwashed by my ex.
Can anyone give me any advice? Thanks--

[mistoffolees]

I would suggest that you start by reading the articles on this board. Much of the advice you'll get is already written there.

Then try to understand WHY the judge ordered the way he/she did. This is hard because you need to approach it from a completely neutral perspective. There must have been a reason your son's attorney was biased against you. For example (I'm not advocating any particular reason, so please don't take offense, but you have to consider ALL the options):
- The attorney hates women
- You acted badly in some way that reflected on your parenting skills
- The son really does prefer to live with the father (he likes sports, hunting, whatever, and you don't, for example)
- You made procedural errors in presenting your case
- Many more options

Once you have an honest clear assessment of what went 'wrong' (in quotes, because I have no way of knowing what the 'right' solution is in your case), then you're in a position to address it. I would suggest that you work with your attorney to understand and figure out a response. I'm not completely sure, but in general, it's hard to overturn a custody decision unless there are major procedural errors. Some of those need to be pointed out before the decision - for example if the son's attorney is really your ex's brother or something absurd like that. If there were major procedural errors (such as admission of hearsay evidence which hurt you), you may be able to file an appeal, but that's expensive and difficult.

Finally, regardless of what happens, you need to focus on being the best mother you can be in the current circumstances. Lots of things can change over time, but your best chance of changing them for the better is to be a great mom - regardless of what happens when your son is at the father's house. At 12 yo, he's old enough to realize when someone is lying (Don't YOU tell him, let him figure it out for himself). WORST case is that he has 6 more years as a minor in the care of his father but then he's 18 and can make up his own mind. That gives you a lot more years together later when he can make the choice - but that only works if you are the kind of parent he wants to spend time with. NEVER say anything bad about his father, for example.

Good luck.

[mom25]

Thanks. The attorney is a woman so I hope she doesn't hate women! It sounds like you are saying to let things be. I was mailed the judgement-with no statement of decision. The court never gave me reasons for this custody change.
I am sorry but too many times, women are asked to blame themselves for what went wrong. I have always been a honest person. My ex lied through his teeth and my son's attorney believed it.
Unfortunately, my son has been brainwashed by my ex and has been damaged by all of his lying.
I appreciate your time and advice.

[mistoffolees]

>Thanks. The attorney is a woman so I hope she doesn't hate
>women! It sounds like you are saying to let things be. I was
>mailed the judgement-with no statement of decision. The court
>never gave me reasons for this custody change.

I didn't say that. I said that is one of the options. I suggested that you start by trying to determine what went wrong before deciding what action to take.

>I am sorry but too many times, women are asked to blame
>themselves for what went wrong. I have always been a honest
>person. My ex lied through his teeth and my son's attorney
>believed it.

I never said that you should blame yourself, either. I said you need an honest examination of the issues to determine what happened. ONE of the possibliities is that you were at fault. There are lots of other possibilities. I just think it would be a mistake to jump right into the 'what do I do' discussion without trying to figure out what went wrong.

Even 'my ex lied through his teeth and my son's attorney believed it' begs the question. WHY did the attorney believe it? If two people told grossly different stories, there had to be some reason to accept one and not the other. If you can answer that question, you'll be well on your way toward deciding what action to take.

>Unfortunately, my son has been brainwashed by my ex and has
>been damaged by all of his lying.
>I appreciate your time and advice.
>

[patton]

Appealing uses just "ticks off the Judges". They all stick together, so you are wasting your time in my opinon.  It's highly unlikely one Judge will go against another judge in the same county.

[olanna]

"Even 'my ex lied through his teeth and my son's attorney believed it' begs the question."

No it doesn't. The opposing counsel is PAID by the opposing party. It only stands to reason that in order to do the job they are paid to do, they must at least convince the person paying them and anyone else around that everything they have been told is true.

Would a good defense atty pretend to believe the party they are defending is not telling the truth? Hardly.

[patton]

Appealing uses just "ticks off the Judges". They all stick together, so you are wasting your time in my opinon.  It's highly unlikely one Judge will go against another judge in the same county.

[olanna]

"Even 'my ex lied through his teeth and my son's attorney believed it' begs the question."

No it doesn't. The opposing counsel is PAID by the opposing party. It only stands to reason that in order to do the job they are paid to do, they must at least convince the person paying them and anyone else around that everything they have been told is true.

Would a good defense atty pretend to believe the party they are defending is not telling the truth? Hardly.