Confused lost custody of my 2 year old now stuck living with the dad

[momof3]

      I recently lost custody of my son in June I have been the main caregiver of my son since birth.  Last February I moved out of my boyfriends house because financially I could not afford to live there I was living of food stamps and paying his mortgage with my section 8 housing to get by and that wasn't even cutting it I needed to work and it was impossible there.  I moved from Michigan to South carolina where all my family is, also where I could work and support my boys, I have two boys from a prior relationship 15, and 13.  After 1 month I had a great paying job -full time,  (which was used against me in court) and I was renting a 4 bedroom house.  I was finally financially about to provide for my family.

      I was required after living there for about 6 months, to return to the State of Michigan with the baby, and after the contested conciliation hearing,  the friend of the court ordered for me to turn the child over to his father who really was not close to him.  Of course he had affidavits from all his family members and friends stating I am alcoholic and I was not the primary caregiver he was .  I did breastfeed for a full year and i was taking care of my 3 kids while he slept till afternoon just to get up to play video games  and watch t.v. nothing productive at all.  I was ordered to pay $105.00 weekly child support and supervised visitation.  He wasn't even 2 yrs. old.  So I had to hand my son over even though he was not close to his dad,  it killed me knowing he would be looking for mama.  I had to go back to South Carolina and back to work meanwhile the attorney fees were outragous I could no longer afford it so my attorney quit my case.  My exboyfriend grew up in that town in Michigan, his lawyer is his friend, a small town where they all know each other, his lawyer is friends with the friend of the court and used to work fo the judge assigned to my case.  Long story short I went back to South Carolina for 3 wks.  My sons father asked me to come back and be with our son,  what was supposed to be 1 week turned into 2 months and I am still here stuck because my car is broken down.

       I had to enroll my 2 older children in school here.  I am trying to figure out on getting back so I can get back on track and work .  My son's father drew up a 50/50 parenting plan a couple months ago I signed because I was so desperate to have some rights to my son other than supervised, I believe he has since changed his mind so he can have complete control. How do I find out if the papers were filed?  He just plays stupid when I ask him about it.
      By the way he has not worked in over 2 years all he does all day is play video games and watch t.v.  I don't know what to do, I have to leave and get back to work to support my other children what should I do before I leave?  Should I go to the crooked courthouse and explain my situation? If so who do I speak with?  I don't want to leave my son but it has come down to survival!!!

[olanna]

Try to find a job in MI.  Get yourself together there and then talk to the father of the baby about custody and other items.  You really aren't going to be justified to move away...at least not without some type of formal agreement.

Explain what you are doing to your other children and get them settled into life as quickly as possible.

Best to you and yours.

[momof3]

    Thank you for the advice olanna  i'm trying to, it is really close to impossible. I  have to drive my 13 yr old to and from school (he is school of choice) which means no transportation, so hard to get work.

    I am stuck in a bad situation my 15 yr old doesn't want to leave, all his friends are here.  I don't want to have to leave but I see no other choice of supporting myself and my kids.  Should I file any papers before I leave with the court, so they know my situation?  And the reasons why I can't stay.
 
   There is no security living with him, he has thrown me and my sons out twice since we've been here.  Once was the night before my 13 yr olds birthday I ended up having to stay at my 15 yr olds mothers house.  Then on his birthday we spent the day driving around with no place to go.  I did not have enough money to drive back to South Carolina where I do have a place of my own and family.  We won't forget that birthday.
   
    I feel like we are suffering because of this terrible situation losing custody.  Right now everything is on hold I really have like 10 dollars and no income coming in.  I have to worry about simple things like buying shampoo and having enough gas to get my kids back and forth from school.  When it was just a couple of months ago I was looking to finance a car had money and didn't have to worry about the little things like buying shampoo.  I need to get back on my feet and get a lawyer, and see if there is some kind of parenting plan that would work out yes long distance but it's something.  I really feel like my son should be with me I take care of him all the time,  he and I have an extremely close relationship and it is just getting stronger.  I think his dad just uses this as a convience he doesn't have to mind him at all when I'm here.  

    Thank You so much for taking the time reading this I really don't have any other place to vent or get advice.  Thank You!!!!

[Zephyr]

Your 15 yo mother's? I'm confused- aren't you the mother?

[olanna]

What a mess, huh?  Can you find a job there?  At this point, I wouldn't worry too much about who will be happy when/if you leave but I would be looking for a way to get some money coming in.

If you can find work in a distant town, then do that.  Move there and at that point arrange some sort of shared parenting of the youngest child.

What part of SC are you trying to get back to?  I lived there for awhile.  Were you in SC for six months before you had to move back with your son?  Generally after six months, the state where you live takes jusrisdiction.  I am surprised that you had been gone that long and they made you send the baby back.

Ah well, no understanding these courts. Each state is like its own little country when it comes to child support, visitation and custody.

If I ever got into power, I would make sure that the maximum CS award was equal to the Fed guideline, which is about $500 per child.  Anything over that would be considered alimony, as that is just what it really is.  And also elminate the lawyers from the plan, having a public mediator to help parents develop a working parenting plan that always assumes equal custody for both.

You can't just move away from the other parent. ....no matter what you might have going on in some other state. Find your mantra where you are...or near where you are.

And again, I hope all works out for you. Hit up the social programs if you have to...you will be amazed how quickly that will motivate the video gaming king to get a job.

;)

[momof3]

  I meant to say my son's friends mothers house

[MothersGetARawDealToo]

If you are working and he is not then you will end up paying him child support.  Maybe you should move near the dad and get back on public assistance and spend that extra time with your kids - helping them transition in the new state.  What a tough situation. Good luck