need advise

[ionized]

hi, im new here but i have learned alot just reading the forums. i need your opinion on a motion to modify child support my ex just filed. some background on the case. we divorced 4 years ago, she left me for another man and filed for divorce. i know that doesnt matter. child support is 489.00 a month my net pay is 1100. a month. she has physical custody and we have joint legal. we do not have a parenting plan just every other weekend and holidays if i can get them. there are 3 boys.
the motion to modify is for money for braces for one boy, after school activity fees and tuition for my youngest for an all day kindergarten. she says in the motion that i do not pay for these things and she needs more support to do so. the problem i have is that we have talked about these things and i thought we should wait a couple years on the braces becuase niether one could afford them, same as the tuition in the all day kindergarten. she ignored what i said and went ahead with this stuff anyways, doesnt joint legal mean that i should have some say in these things, all she wants to do is fight and argue call me a bad dad and other things in front of my children. i did pay for boy scouts this year for the boys, i buy them clothes, i faithfully pay my child support. shouldnt she have asked for mediation first, thats whats stated in the divorce decree.
i am afraid to make her mad because she likes to pull the kids away from me and she tells them all about our fights. she likes to say that the cant come for the weekend because i have done something wrong and every summer vacation she ends the boys 3 month visit early becuase in her eyes i have done somthing wrong. she threatens to keep the boys away from me if i dont do something.
what should i do? she nets 600. a month and her husband nets 1500.00, although i dont think that means too much. she just bought a new van and lives in an expensive apartment. i dont believe the children see one cent of the support, she tells the boys that i pay too little and thats why they are poor.  what can i do here guys?    sorry so long

[joni]

Take this opportunity to have your child support analyzed and adjusted.  Are you paying within your state's support guidelines?  Are you overpaying CS?  Your'e probably going to have to pay a portion of the braces if they're medically necessary.  

I would also take this opportunity to go for more visitation, maybe upwards of 50/50.  You also need to formalize your arrangements for holidays and the summer break so she doesn't keep jerking you around.

Get over trying to make her mad.  Stop walking on egg shells.  YOu have to lay down to be a doormat.  It's always going to be something to pi$$ her off and as long as you're being reasonable and fair, you have the right to ask for what you are entitled to.  

[rainbow1]

You need a definite PLACEMENT (not visitation) schedule. You also need a parenting plan that covers all your issues, approved and Court Ordered. Request mediation and go in with a Detailed plan and schedule. You should have this in place, then talk about child support. Request Equal Shared Placement, cover placement days, holidays, parent's and child's birthdays, vacations, pick up and drop off times, transportation (50/50), health insurance coverage, child tax exemption, Right of first refusal, etc. Don't feel too bad, my husband pays his ex 800.00 a month for one child, but the ex is always broke and we have to buy the childs' clothes, shoes, school supplies, pay for all extra curricular activities, field trips, haircuts, health insurance premiums and do all transport at our expense. We have shared placement and she is supposed to spend 459.00 a month of her income on child. Guess stepdad is charging us rent for her basement room to pay his whole mortgage and then some!

[ionized]

thanks for the help guys, so should i ask for the mediation at the support hearing or do i have to make a different motion? shes only doing this because i started bringing up issues that were a concern to me and she got a really good temper. i am not saying i dont want to pay my fair share but according to her its all of the bill. this really all started about a year ago when i got remarried and now i have a great wife and 4 stepkids. she acts likes shes jealous of my relationship whith my boys also.

[rini]

Hello

I noticed on your profile that your state is MN.  every state is different in regards to child support calculations.

Might i ask why the ex only makes 600 a month.

are the kids school age?  

There is a federal limit to the percentage of support that you must pay and from what I can tell you are very close to it.


most states also credit you for extended visitation periods which could be the reason that she ends the visits early.

check your state guidelines and file a response that includes the federal information.  this should be available on this site.  cant remember where but i am sure it is here.

The worst part is that the ex wife will get free representation and you get nothing to defend your position

[ionized]

i dont know why she only makes 600. never asked all i hear from her is where am i gonna come up with the rent? ill check the federal statuates, and yes all the kids are school age. thanks for your reply

[rini]

child support mn

http:/http://www.revisor.leg.state.mn.us/stats/518/551.html







 (federal poverty guidelines

/aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/02fedreg.htm