ON the other side...

[dipper]

I am married to a man who while having full custody of one child and having the other child half the time physically, pays cs, medical insurance and 75% copays.  I know how unfair the court system is...

Now, having said that....I was working a decent job and had medical insurance on my children..so when my ex and I split, he was ordered to pay cs and 50% copays.  That was nine years ago and only once have i asked for an increase - and that was after he was taking me to court to reduce cs when he was making more money than it was based on.

Okay...we are in VA and he moved to NC within one year of our split.  He was very slack in paying....then went for about 2 years pretty regular....and now for over a year, he will not pay.  And there is nothing that can be done....VA asked NC to look into it..and NC now has jurisdiction, but they are doing nothing!!  They have had this case for nine months and still havent gotten the first payment.  Every now and then  he will send in a small amt.

He rarely even takes his given visitation time, and I would gladly agree to him seeing them more often.....but, he just doesnt do it....

My girls asked to see their dad a month ago..and I called him and left a message, and I called his mother...who agreed to take them down to see him....She does transportation for him.....I drove my girls to their nanny's and she packed food and took them...

Since that weekend - no one has called them or tried to see them at all....

I am totally disgusted with the situation - his lack of concern for the girls..and the states inability to do anything ...

[dontunderstand]

I feel you!  My DH pays his child support every single month.  He is fighting BM tooth and nail to spend time with SD, and she still fights him on EVERYTHING.  She frequently requests a change in visitation and he agrees, he requests a change and it is a flat out no.  
My x doesn't see my daughter at all.  He doesn't call either.  The state has finally started garnishing his wages, but he works in a school district that doesn't get paid in the summer, so she gets nothing.  The kicker is that he works in the summer, he just doesn't claim it and CS won't do anthing because it is "temporary", okay, who cares?  Isn't taking care of our children a permanent job???

[dontunderstand]

Keep on CS!, NC child support is similar to ours.  You have to hound them to get anything done!  I also found this web site for you...http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/cse/geninfo.htm
Good Luck!

[dipper]

The state of VA doesnt want to actually relinquish the case to NC, so they have asked them to inact the order, but I can only contact VA.  They just sit around waiting for NC to tell them they have did something....which nothing has even been attempted in five months!!  I have given them his employers info twice!!  Does he work there?  Yes...I am sure of it.  For four months they have had this and do nothing....

I am thinking of writing to the representative of that area and complain about the DCSE's actions......usually when I do this in VA, I get a reaction...and I need to do this again here as well.  

My ex doesnt call either.  He can call his mommy, but not his own children.  My youngest called him a few weeks ago on his birthday, but he didnt return her call - and get this, it was her birthday too!!!  He would never sign rights away though - he is all about appearances for his mother's sake.......

My girls do pretty well though.  I had taken my oldest to a therapist last year for another reason - and he told me that he does see a 'father hunger' in my daughter.  She wants her dad to pay attention to her.  But, the therapist only saw my daughter a short time because he said she has such a strong foundation - she knows who she is and she was able to work through what had happened to her and knew not to blame herself and she was not harboring any anger of destructive fears......

My girls were so young when their dad left, I guess its all they have ever really known.  And he and I dont fight or hate each other...so they dont have that poison eating them up....

Its crazy that your daughter's dad doesnt have to pay in summer.  But the real problem is he doesnt do it anyway - I mean, he knows he has a child and he doesnt take any part in her life....that is so sad.....

[dontunderstand]

I would definate "light the fire" and if supervisors need to be involved to get this done, then so be it!  
For me it isn't necessarily that we need the money, I just feel like if it can afford my daughter to do things that I may not be able to afford, or something extra that she wants, so be it.  I guess it just makes it easier.
My x is similar to your's.  He has a "daughter" in name sake for appearance purposes.  It's almost comical if it wasn't so sad, he used our daughter to cheat on his women.  She would be his excuse to not be with one so that he could be with another.  As a matter of fact, he has 3 more children that were all born within a 6 week oeriod of time!  
My DH has been around since she was 1 1/2 and that is all she knows.  She has told her "dad" that DH is "my real dad"  we do continue to instill in her that he is her dad and for whatever reason he isn't able to be her "dad" right now, but hopefully someday!  We let her make her own decisions based on her observations not on our comments!
I feel their pain though!  It is such crap, who is the adult?  It is like grow up and get over yourself!...

[SadStepMom]

FYI - this on the complete opposite side of the country, but when BM lied and when to the child support office to fill out everything for going after DH, it then took them 10 months until the state was set up to collect child support from DH.  I think if he had been working, it probably would have been another 4 weeks or so until it came out of his check (instead we just paid the state, so it was right at 10 months that she started getting checks thru the state)  During this 10 month period we were told not to pay BM directly, but the state wasn't set up for us to pay them either.  Only was it later that we found out we could have still paid her directly.

On a personal note, it probably took BM 20 minutes to fill out her pack of lies, and it is going on 5 years and we still don't have it all straightened out.  One state says it is the other states responsibilbty and then that state says it is the first states.

[dipper]

Sadstepmom,

The system is so messed up.  I know there is a heavy caseload - but even then...the people working these jobs dont seem to care whose lives they are messing with.  Yes,it cuts both ways -for those of us waiting for support -and for those who had it taken wrongfully.

I have heard this before - had a friend that got custody of his daughter, but CSE was still taking money from him....and its not like they are just going to hand it back over......

[Forthelittleones]

We avoided this happening.  DH walked right down to CSEA and told them to stop it.  They refused to talk with DH unless I wasnt with him.  He and I refused to leave the other as we were exhausted from the whole change in custody.

CSEA was an absolute evil place to deal with.  It was awful but we got our point across and no more money was given to the wench.

Now, we have not collected any but oh well....

[flewwellin]

I live in NC.  My Dh pays child support for his 2 kids.  We fell behind and are trying desparately to catch up on the child support. ( He had to switch jobs) if he is in NC and he is working than you can call NC's child support enforcement and request that they garnish his wages and it's automatically taken out of his check (however often he gets one) and will also make him pay more for the back pay that he owes.  If you need these #'s just let me know.  I believe that a man needs to pay his child support, they were there when it all came about too, so they are also responsible. And word of advice hound them every day until they know your voice on the phone, know your full name and your MPI#.  Don't give them any slack cause then they think they can do nothing and get away with it just like your ex.