Should I or SHouldn't I?

[seb1670]

My gf has a daughter, who will be coming to live with us at the beginning of the up-coming school year.

Her custody order states they are to share the child yearly (as parents live in different counties). After child enters high school, she can choose where she wants to live - She's chosen to live with Mom.

Mom, my GF, is debating whether to open that can of worms and ask for child support... she's afraid that the X (the AH that he is), will try to take her back to court for custody.. even though her daughter is definately mentally capable of stating where she wants to live.  

HE are the factors;

We have a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom home in a nice neighborhood, brand-new high school a few blocks away, we both make decent money. I have custody of my two boys 13 & 12, both are to start high school this year also.

He BD, has just moved from a home they lived in belonging to BD wife's father to an  "ify" neighborhood in a city where there are gangs in the area. THe house is a 3 bedroom 2 bath and wife decided she wasn't going to work, while BD claims he makes 30.00 an hour.

BD has older daughter who ran away a few times and is now living with her mother, and that mother is going for child support, he has 2 boys 12 & 10 with current wife wh olive with him.

They've 'technically' been married since 1995, while BD and my GF were still in divorce proceedings. THen they got married again after the divorce was finalized... anyways they are not sure if we have this info or not....not that it makes a diference, unless he takes us to court...

Since the agreement was for the child, my GF's daughter, to live with one parent one year and the other parent the year after, and so on... the child is dead set against living with her father anymore - especially after this last school year...Mom wants to prepare for college for daughter, as she is an A/B student and wants to go to college. But we can't afford 3 kids going to college at the same time - she wants the BD's help, but he whines too much.... then threatens to go to court. Which we're not afraid of...

So, the question is; SHould she, my GF, open a case for child support?

[reagantrooper]

Why not try to get some FREE money out of Dad!! Better to buy more Bobn Bons!! HEHEHE

By the way you have nothing to do with anything in this matter.

On the contraery you and your Boys may even be ammo for the Dad. I know damn well I would be using "you" to my advantage. Think about it!3 unrelated males living in the home with a adolesent Girl. If I am Dad I am for sure checking into YOUR background looking for any "dirt" or anything I can make look like dirt on you or your Boys. How long have you and your GF been in this relationship?

[cinb85]

If so, maybe she can sit him down and tell him that she won't take him to court for CS as long as he is willing to "help out" with college costs for their daughter.  Maybe they can come up with some kind of agreement that works for both of them and especially for their daughter.

[seb1670]

After 9 years of custody battle, she has finally gotten him to act decent. But for the most part, they get along.

We're not sure how to approach this subject with him. He whines too much. the problem is that we do ask him about things and the answer is "We'll think about it and get back to you" and if we do - we're badgering them...

Anything is worth a shot - maybe this is something we should put in writing and send to them and see what happens. But I don't think we should wait until her senior year....

[cinb85]

Maybe her ex will surprise you.  It's always best if you can work it out.

I wish that my ex would help me out.  Our daughter will be going to college in a couple of years and in NJ the non-custodial parent doesn't have to contribute to college.  He IS supposed to continue to pay CS while she's in college, but he doesn't pay now and they don't do anything to him.  He basically gets away without helping to support our daughter.  It all falls on me!  Next year our daughter will be getting her license, then she will want a car.  I don't know how I'm going to afford to get her a car and insurance.  It's going to be expensive!


I hope that your GF can work out a deal so her ex will help will college.  
I wish you, your GF and our families the best.

Good luck!

[VeronicaGia]

> Next year our daughter will be getting
>her license, then she will want a car.  I don't know how I'm
>going to afford to get her a car and insurance.  It's going to
>be expensive!
>
>
>

She should get a job, just like thousands and thousands of other kids do.  It teaches character, and appreciation.  

[VeronicaGia]

1.  What state are you in?

2.  How old is the child?

3.  What idiotic judge decided to let a minor "decide" where to live?  If the same minor's parents weren't divorced, a judge wouldn't let her "decide" where to live!  

4.  I agree with the poster who mentioned all those unrelated boys and men in the same house as a teenage girl.  Could be a problem.  Not to mention there are a few southern states that still don't look to kindly on living together instead of a married couple.

5.  His marriage is of no relevance to this issue, whether this goes to court or not.

6.  If these were your kids, you'd be whining too, since apparently the child has decided she likes mom more.  How would it feel if your two kids decided they liked mom more, and left you?  How would you like their step-dad taking your place?

7.  Keep in mind, you are not this childs parent.  Do your best to stay out of it, especially if this goes to court.

8.  Also keep in mind that if he has another support order against him, your support order will be based on income minus that support order.  

9.  No agreement, written and notarized or verbal will hold up in court.  Only a court order holds up in court.