child support questions....

[holly123]

Hi, I have joint P%L custody of my son with his dad. We dont get along at all.  He is really hard to deal with, either him or his current wife...so he treats me really bad (actually has all along), and of course I dont accept that, so the communication is nil.

He scared me for a long time...and made so much more money than I, he had an attorne harrass me for a long time. I had nomoney at all.

I have my son 9 mos out of the year, he has him three (summer) with the every other weekend and one night a wekk reversing during that time.  We alternate holidays. I have no idea how to figure out percentages on this.  Seems confusing-- a long task with a calendar.

Anyway, he was ordered to provbide medical via his employer, esp since he had a great plan and no payments at all for it (100%). We were to 'split any co-pays', and 'if mom gets a better plan, and we agree, it can be switched', basically.

I did not ask for money, fearing retribution at the time, and it was 'put on reserve'.

Its now 12 years w/o any help at all financially for anything...His attitude is, 'when he is with me, I pay, when he is with you, youpay'. He has two other children y his preent wife.  They own a home, I rent.

He lost his job, and there went the insurance.  My son has pre-existing medical, so an independant insurance wont take him.  He went on COBRA for a few months, and attempted to bill me for that (half)

Then he apparently went on the state medical plan for low income people. (He went on unimployment for 2 years, and got a dislocated workers funding to attend a 9 month school program).  

Six months later, i got a letter from the state with my CS pin numer. I was like, what is this. I called, and they said since i was NCP, they were going to seek payment n medical.  I said I have him 9 months of the year, no way am I NCP- we are joint, bbut I bear brunt of most expenses, without help.

They referred me back to state medical. Took a long time, but they said to claim custodial, you have to have child 6 months or greater, which disqualified him. So I put him on mine, now that I finally got a better job w/medical.

When medical choosing time at my job, i tried to talk to 'dad' about it-- which plan- he as difficult. We decided on highest plan- as son has medical cond. and you never know.  I called him the night before it would be permanent for a year, and he said yes, do it, he will pay sons portion. Mine would be 20.00 pay period, son=45.00 additional, pay period.

then next day he called and said forget it...i am not paying. now i am locked into this for a year. He has made sporadic payments though of 60./month, so far this year about 5 months, owing me 3. he never pays on time or anything- when the mood strikes him.

He decided on the amount, just as he does with eveything...

Anyway, He had, after 2 years UE gotten temp job.  I finally deceide to apply for CS (Last year) It took worker (same one from medical case) over six months- nothing. I called- she said they were wating on finding his income and had to do that before proceeding- itwasnt showing in databse. Finally another couple months, it shwed his temp agency is really located in another state, ut he works here.  Then he got threatening again, and I got scared, and told worker to close it- wasnt worth it.

Why do they need HIS income- efore they will even start??? If he makes 2.00, cant it still be figured out?  

ANYWAY------- HELP!!!

[ocean]

You can file yourself at the local courthouse. Bring all you papers, but it sounds like you want to modify the existing child support order due to medical changes and that you really have physcial custody. (You could also file for physical custody and stay joint legal). Here, once you fill out the paperwork that day (which they help you do), it takes about 3-4 weeks to get to court. You will be mailed a packet which includes a notarized statement of all you income and expenses. You are also asked to bring in your last taxes/paychecks. Some states include both parents income and he may get credit for his other children. There are child support calculators for each state on-line. Put in the numbers and see how much you are looking at. Medical/daycare is based on a percentage (by income) and added to child support.
Good luck!

[Genie]

Since her ex is so threatening towards her, I don't know if she can or should do this on her own.  And she doesn't have the money for an attorney.

If you go forward with this, you are going to need to be very strong and firm. Don't let him push you around and don't let him make you back down.  Another concern, I'm sure he will find the money to come up with for an attorney no problem.

When he is threatening to you, is it to you alone or is he threatening to take son away from you as well? And do you think he would try to follow through?  

I feel for you.  You are in a hard position.  I wouldn't have closed with the state b/c they were doing all the work.  I would try again and if he starts his crap again I would go to the police and see about getting a restraining order against verbal abuse etc.

Good luck.

[ocean]

I agree with Genie. If you feel threatened, go to the court house and get a restraining order. If he is calling your house, let it go to a machine. If he shows up, call the police.
Once it gets to CSE, they will will take over to collect. Be prepared for him to quit his job often to get away from paying. The arrears will continue and they should go after his taxes, license, etc....
Good luck!

[holly123]

Thank you both for yur relies-- it means a lot. I will think over what you advised...and let you know...I will probably have additional questions, too.  

I hate dealing with this...and the CS area is confusing.  One thing that irks me is that they had to spend all that time tracking down dad's income.  After that LONG wait, I chickened out.  I wish they couldve just set up a court date. What did they need to establish his income for? Cant they just serve him, and have him reply with the info? what a waste of time.

[Skippy89]

Child Support needs income information so they can determine what his portion of support should be.  Child support should be able to base his income on minimum wage or potential income based on what line of work he has done in the past or what his wages have been.  Of course they often need proof of prior income.  The state can also figure percentage of time.  Some states do not address visitation or custody issues.  If there is already an order in place, they may keep what ever the order states.

You should not let your fear stop you from taking care of your children.  He is probably using that fear to control you..and it appears to be working.  He has a responsibility to his children just as much as you do.