Child support and visitation rights for a father

[miguel]

I am currently going through a situation that I need help with. I have a 12yr old daughter that lives in NYC with her mother. I reside in the state of Florida with my wife and my 2 other children ages 7 & 3. From the very beginning I have had trouble with my ex. She is a very angry, vindictive person that has never gotten over the fact that we didn't work out. She uses my daughter as a pawn to hurt me. I have always paid child support for my daughter and to avoid further difficulties it was being garnished biweekly from my wages. In May of this year I lsit my job and was not able to make my child support payments. I had informed my ex of this and she said that we could work something out. She is now suing for modification of the child support order because she wants more money. I don't make the same amount of money as I did in NY. ( I am originally from NY and relocated to Florida 3yrs ago). I make less now then I did when the original child support order was established and I have two more children to support. She makes tons more than I do. She is just asking for more money to get to me. She doesn't let me see my daughter and makes it very difficult for me to have a relationship with my daughter. The few times that I have had the chance to spend time with my daughter I know that she loves me and wants to spend time with me and her brothers. When her mother is not around and I talk to her she is a totally different person and her personality comes out. My ex doesnt see that she is hurting our daughter the most in all of this. I want joint legal custody because I want to be a part of my daughters life. I don't have the money to hire a lawyer or fly to NY and I don't know what to do. Can anyone give me advise as to what I can do and where I can go for help. I have always tried my best to provide the best for all of my children. I have always tried to be a part of my daughters life and be there for her, but her mother won't let me. Please help me before its too late.

[gabes_mom]

I believe that you can get the jurisdiction of child support established in florida since you live there.  I would see about getting that changed asap

[mistoffolees]

She can't use money as an excuse for you not to see your daughter. Child support and vistation are entirely unrelated issues.

If you want joint custody, you'll probably have to do it in New York. It's not clear from your post, but it seems as if that's where the divorce was filed and where the daughter has lived for some time. You'd have a hard time arguing for some other court to take jurisdiction.

I'm not convinced that you're asking the right questions. Joint legal custody probably won't do you much good in your current circumstances. The mother will still control many things and the daughter is probably going to remain in NY. Not to mention that any court is going to require a pretty strong reason why the circumstances have changed enough to address the issue which was resolved years ago.

It's unlikely that you're going to get joint physical custody, either, with the distance. You should really be focused on getting more visitation and then finding a way to make it work with the distance. You might find, for example, that if you buy a videocam for both of your comptuers that 15 minutes a night on videocam with your daughter would do a great deal of good. If you can combine that with increased visitation over holidays and summers, you could probably improve your relationship with the daughter - which is really what I think you're trying to accomplish.

You're just going to have to live with the fact that you have an angry, vindictive ex and focus on how you can improve the relationship with your daughter. She'll be 'free' in 6 years, so there's a light at the end of the tunnel if you can hang on.

[ocean]

Child is still in NY so the order stays in NY. You can ask for modification and have a telephone hearing. New York is very "literally by the numbers". It is 17% of your salary now (or last years taxes). New York does not give credit for second families and support goes to 21.
There is a child support calculator on-line for New York. Plug in the numbers and see if it would be a big difference to go for the modification. Call the clerks office and see if they will send you the paperwork for you. You should send them recent paystubs or last years taxes (white out all your wife's info and total amounts).

As for the visitation...do you have it court ordered for visits? Will you daughter fly alone? If you have it through the courts, then send her the "letter of intent" (from this web site-certified mail to prove you sent it) for the next visit and tell her you need to know by xxx date to buy tickets. You can get very cheap tickets if you buy them early and when they go on sale. (49 each way sometimes for NYC). If BM gives you a big problem, you can also file for contempt because BM is denying visits.

Good luck!

[miguel]

We were never married.  I had to go and petition for visitation rights for my daughter. I like the idea of getting two webcams, I just have to convince my ex to get a computer. Thanx for the advice.

[Jade]

>I am currently going through a situation that I need help
>with. I have a 12yr old daughter that lives in NYC with her
>mother. I reside in the state of Florida with my wife and my 2
>other children ages 7 & 3. From the very beginning I have had
>trouble with my ex. She is a very angry, vindictive person
>that has never gotten over the fact that we didn't work out.
>She uses my daughter as a pawn to hurt me. I have always paid
>child support for my daughter and to avoid further
>difficulties it was being garnished biweekly from my wages. In
>May of this year I lsit my job and was not able to make my
>child support payments. I had informed my ex of this and she
>said that we could work something out. She is now suing for
>modification of the child support order because she wants more
>money. I don't make the same amount of money as I did in NY. (
>I am originally from NY and relocated to Florida 3yrs ago). I
>make less now then I did when the original child support order
>was established and I have two more children to support. She
>makes tons more than I do. She is just asking for more money
>to get to me. She doesn't let me see my daughter and makes it
>very difficult for me to have a relationship with my daughter.
>The few times that I have had the chance to spend time with my
>daughter I know that she loves me and wants to spend time with
>me and her brothers. When her mother is not around and I talk
>to her she is a totally different person and her personality
>comes out. My ex doesnt see that she is hurting our daughter
>the most in all of this. I want joint legal custody because I
>want to be a part of my daughters life. I don't have the money
>to hire a lawyer or fly to NY and I don't know what to do. Can
>anyone give me advise as to what I can do and where I can go
>for help. I have always tried my best to provide the best for
>all of my children. I have always tried to be a part of my
>daughters life and be there for her, but her mother won't let
>me. Please help me before its too late.


First, child support and visitation are two separate issues.

Second, as for you making less than you did before, that doesn't mean anything unless you can prove beyond a doubt that you could not find a job in your field for the same pay as before.  Lowering your income doesn't mean your child support gets lowered.  

Third, just because you had children subsequent to your first doesn't mean that the support for the first should be lowered.  You were aware of having to pay child support when you had more children.

Fourth, file contempt of court charges against the ex and document every single time that she refuses to let you see your daughter.  She could lose custody if she keeps it up.

Also, just because your daughter acts differently with you when her mother is there doesn't necessarily mean that the mother is badmouthing you.  But if your daughter ever voluntarily tells you that her mother said something bad about you (don't ask her), document that.  

[Jade]

>I believe that you can get the jurisdiction of child support
>established in florida since you live there.  I would see
>about getting that changed asap

No, he won't. Especially since the child lives in NYC, where the original support order stems from.  

[miguel]

I just wanted to clear up certain things that you stated::

FIRST I did not voluntarily leave my job so that I could pay less child support. I lost my job and I needed to work to support my family. I took the job that was available at the time. I have always taken care of my daughter.  I have always tried to give her the best and I have. Aside from the child support that her mother recieves I also help out when she needs something. Her mother wants more money out of spite. Its not because she needs it or because I don't help her.  She is just an angry, vindictive, unhappy woman that doesn't want anyone else to be happy.

SECOND. Are you saying that because I pay child support for my daughter I am not entitled to have more kids? Who do you know puts their kids on a budget!!!. Neither one of my two boys were planned pregnancies, but they were gifts from God that we were not going to turn away. I did not ask for my child support to be lowered. Even though I have been making less money then when the initial child support order was established, I was still paying the amount that was ordered with no complaints. Aside from helping her when she needed something. However I will not stand by and let her try to ruin my life and my families life for her own pleasure.

THIRD I do know for a fact that my daughter acts differently when she's around her mother. This was established by a law guardian appointed by the court for my daughter. The judge told her that she had to stop doing that or she would be in contempt. I am the good guy here who is just trying to do right by his daughter and be a part of her life. Not just on a part  time basis, but on a full time basis. I want her to know that I will always be there for her. There are so many men out there that don't give a damn about their kids. I on the other hand have been fighting tooth and nail to be a part of her life. The only reason I havent sued for full custody is because I don't want to hurt my daughter anymore that she has been hurt.  A legal battle would get ugly (because of her mom) and I don't want to do that to her. All I ask is to be part of her life with no bullshit from her mother.

[ocean]

HI,
#1-like I said above, child support is by the numbers so if let her come after more, you will show what you earn and it will be kept the same (or possible be lowered depending on the facts).

#2 has been debated on here before but it is by the state sooo
IN NY, the answer is no. You knew your support order for the first child before you had your second family. You knew the cost for SD and should have accounted for it.
Some have argued here that all the children should be equal. Some states do account for second families and they lower it a little but not ny.


#3 is next to impossible in ny unless you prove neglect or child wants to live with you and is over 12 years old. You really need to start a visitation plan first. You have not seen her in a long time and the BM could say you have not come for her so she wants to reduce the time.

There are many people on here that have been here for years that have been through it and are trying to help you. The courts wants to see facts and they are not going to listen to the back and forth between you and BM.

Good luck!