child support in another state

[nancymd]

Children and BM live in Virginia. Husband (NCP) and I have been living in SC. CS is $896 for 3 kids plus we pay for medical/dental insurance. Because insurance is under my employer, BM refuses to use it since it is not in husband's name. CS was a flat rate.

Last November, we went to court to request a reduction in child support. Oldest child was 20 and in the Marine Corps at that time. Next child was a senior in high school, good grades, and on delayed entry to Marine Corps for this June. Third child was nearly 15.

We had to choose an attorney from the phone book. I felt he was hostile towards us. I have worked for and with many attorneys but never saw this hostility before. Perhaps he just didn't have a good personality.

We asked that CS be reduced for the oldest and we requested that the order make allowance for the next child to be dropped IF he graduated. Our attorney said that couldn't be done and we would have to go back to court in the spring to request that he be removed. I don't understand why this couldn't be done. We had to pay $1000 for the lawyer and he said we had to attend the hearing. This meant my husband had to take 3 days of unpaid leave, we had to travel 1000 miles round trip with the costs of motels, gas, food, etc. All total it cost us nearly $3000. We came out ordered to continue to pay the same amount for 2 children that we had been paying for 3. It took our entire savings to do this plus we had to borrow some of it.

My husband has not been able to work in our town because he can't earn enough to pay the CS. He has had to work 200 miles away. He has living expenses to work there because he lives in a campground in a small camper. Our attorney said we could not claim that as part of our living expenses because it was a "lifestyle choice". We didn't consider it a lifestyle choice but a necessity.

The attorney says we may be able to get a reduction to $500 for the remaining child if we go back to court. Of course, this means another $3000, which we don't have.

I recently accepted a job in Oklahoma. We are trying to save the money to move my husband here. We have no way to absorb another $3000. it will be several months before we can. Our attorney says they will not make it retroactive so we can't get back any of the extra money if it is reduced.

Is there any way we can apply for a reduction without incurring so much expense? We don't even know if they would reduce the CS even if we paid the money and went.

We pay CS through Child Support Enforcement but they only provide an attorney to BM. (BTW she lied about her income but our attorney says we can't do anything about that.)

I know it doesn't have anything to do with CS but BM has never allowed us to have the children more than an hour and she's always around when we see them. My husband is supposed to have "reasonable visitation" but this is what she considers reasonable.

I'd love any feedback and ideas.

[mistoffolees]

Lots of issues:
- I would suggest not using an attorney from the phone book, particularly if you're not happy with him. It's better to ask around for a good one.
- Your husband working in a different town IS a lifestyle choice. There's nothing to prevent you from living in the same town (even if you both have to move to where he's working). You're also considering a move to OK which indicates that you DO have choices. Besides, it's not really relevant. CS doesn't really depend on your expenses, merely NCP's income (and in some states, CP's income).
- Before doing anything, it's worth using the online child support guidelines for your state. What often happens is that you get cs assigned in the year of the divorce. After 10 years, the normal cs would be higher (but yours stays the same unless you contest it). In addition, salaries tend to go up. After a number of years, even dropping one kid could result in higher cs. Your attorney should have been able to tell you in advance that this would happen. In most states, cs is a simple calculation, so your attorney should not have been surprised by this result.
- BM can't refuse to use your insurance. If the CO says that NCP must provide insurance, it doesn't matter who pays for it, as long as he guarantees that it's there. Well, technically, CP CAN refuse to use it, but that's her choice and she can't ask you to pay medical expenses that would have been covered by the insurance she refused to use. That is, if she wants to pay the full amount herself, she's free to ignore your insurance if she wishes.
- Your attorney is correct that CS will not be modified retroactively. If the court started making retroactive decisions, it would be impossible to plan anything since you would run the risk of all your plans being thrown out the window by something beyond your control. Put the shoe on the other foot - what if the judge said that your support really should have been $2,000 per month for the last 10 years and you have 30 days to pay the 'arrears'. That would obviously be unfair. Awarding a retroactive reduction would be just as unfair.
- Your attorney is partially correct that you can't do anything about BM lying to CSE. If you have evidence, you could presumably send the information to CSE and/or the district attorney to have her charged with fraud. It's unlikely to go anywhere, though, and would really stir up a hornet's nest.
- If BM is not allowing father to see the kids more than an hour, you can file for court ordered visitation.
- There are less expensive ways to do this. You could take all the documents from the first trial and change the dates and other relevant facts and file them yourself. IMHO, it's risky for custody issues, but for a support issue, there's not as much at stake, so it might be worth a try. Read up on how the system works, first. YOu're still going to have to go there in person, so you'll still be out unpaid leave, travel, food, and court fees (relatively modest).

Good luck.

[mango]

Well I guess I will sleep better knowing that our court order is what IRS goes by. I would hate to have to bicker over who had "more" time, geeze. Besides they did cut US a check for the right amount, and we filed LAST.

I can't imagine they would have sent us the refund if they had doubts about OUR return.

So I suppose it's up to them to go after her, for the tax money back.  I ACTUALLY rather they did NOT go after her (at least for a while.....) SD is 13, lets say 5 years would be nice. :-)

Because BM will retaliate on US if they go after her. Nothing is EVER her fault, even if SHE mistakenly claimed the wrong year, or if she "felt" she had "more days" despite our court order stating teh rotation, whatever her reason for taking the claim, it will be "our" fault.

Thanks for all the posts!!

[KAT]

I wish you would come here earlier, I could have told you for free that the cs wouldn't be lowered by very much if at all. My Hubby continued to pay the biohag for an extra 13 months (between emancipations) because it simply wasn't worth the few thousand dollars it would have saved to see her ugly moon pie face again. I'm sure she thought she got over....but she was wrong!! hahaha

You can just copy & use the same forms your lawyer during the last modification making the appropriate changes. Your husband might be able to file this all by mail & ask (attach a letter, needs to cc to all parties) the judge if he can be heard telephonically due to travel costs (some judges allow it, some don't just ask!). Your lawyer should have told you up front that a modification was a waste of time at that point.

Don't worry, these next three years will fly by in no time. Trust me! Then you'll all be free & clear of the states slavery laws.

:)

KAT in VA