Flipped out on DCSE

[dipper]

I have gotten beyond frustrated.  The other day I went to J &D court and asked the clerk about hiring someone to serve a summons myself.  Her reply - "you cant do that.  You are not a bounty hunter."  My brother is a police officer, he has been hired to serve summons for matters before...same concept as I told her.  

So, yesterday I called north carolina and was told that they could not speak to me.  That I have to get information from Virginia.

I had called Virginia two weeks ago and was told they had requested info from NC.  Nothing since.

Today I called VA.  I was told that -
 1) NCP had to be three months with no payment before they will even consider action...
2) though it has been 43 days since he sent in a (partial) payment, he is not even 30 days behind because his months run from Apr 3rd - May 3rd.....May 3rd - June 3rd.  Which  means, he has until August 3rd to pay any amount to be safe in his three month time span.
3)  I cannot speak to or leave a message on my caseworker's answering system.    Not allowed.
4)  They had requested info on April 24th..none had been forwarded..and they wait at least 30 days to request again.
5)  Oh!  and as he paid something early april, he is NOT delinquent....only owes over $11,000...but, current CS is their priority....

I completely flipped out today.  What are my options?  NC is not doing anything.  VA doesnt know anything.  I cannot have him served even if I am willing to find someone to do it.....

[mistoffolees]

Contact an attorney and file for contempt. If he's $11 K behind, I would say it's something that needs to be addressed by the court.

[dipper]

I am going to fill out a show cause today.  However, court can only mail it to him as he is out of state.  He wont accept it - hasnt in the past.   But, if I go and they say we cant do anything...I can just file again...and then file again..and again...

The last time I tried to take him to court - about two years ago - they could not address the issue because he didnt accept the certified summons.  I stood out there waiting and saw men being handcuffed and taken away for as little as $1,000.  These were men who hadnt dodged a summons, hadnt escaped to another state, etc...and they were being jailed.  

I cannot afford an attorney at t his point.  But, I am on a crusade now.  I am going to complain to every politician I can think of.  

[notnew]

Dipper,

You know what your choices are. Either go on your crusade with all the heartburn that comes along with this type of thing or give up and live your life to the fullest with your kid and realize that there is nothing you can do to make this situation right.

Remember the wisdom prayer. It is just unreal that this can happen. We hear of cases where the system dogs people who are willing to pay and have REAL hard times and fall a little behind but pull themselves back up on their feet, we hear of cases where people are ordered to pay ridiculous amounts of CS leaving them unable to feed, house, or clothe themselves (I actually knew a guy who had CS taken out of his check and literally got a $1 paycheck - he quit his job that day), and then you hear cases like yours - a true deadbeat parent and the system is letting it happen.

I can certainly understand your frustration. I question though how effective you will be able to be realistically and what the price of your efforts will be on your own mental/physical health.

Obviously, the ultimate choice is up to you. I wish I could offer a real direction for you to take, but I just don't know of anything. If it helps any, you've got my sympathies and best wishes for resolution.

[notnew]

Dipper,

You know what your choices are. Either go on your crusade with all the heartburn that comes along with this type of thing or give up and live your life to the fullest with your kid and realize that there is nothing you can do to make this situation right.

Remember the wisdom prayer. It is just unreal that this can happen. We hear of cases where the system dogs people who are willing to pay and have REAL hard times and fall a little behind but pull themselves back up on their feet, we hear of cases where people are ordered to pay ridiculous amounts of CS leaving them unable to feed, house, or clothe themselves (I actually knew a guy who had CS taken out of his check and literally got a $1 paycheck - he quit his job that day), and then you hear cases like yours - a true deadbeat parent and the system is letting it happen.

I can certainly understand your frustration. I question though how effective you will be able to be realistically and what the price of your efforts will be on your own mental/physical health.

Obviously, the ultimate choice is up to you. I wish I could offer a real direction for you to take, but I just don't know of anything. If it helps any, you've got my sympathies and best wishes for resolution.

[cinb85]

and there's not much that I can do about it.

[dipper]

Notnew...writing is therapy to me.  It is my release.  

I was just really stunned at the sheer powerless situation I am in.  Basically, yesterday was a reality check.  I wont give up, but I already feel less angry....

thanks for the thoughts...

[notnew]

Therapy for me too. That is why I am still checking the posts every day even though I haven't seen my kid for months.

Good luck. I am glad I'm a good dad and my ex has never had to experience what you are going through. As much animosity that is between her and me, I never wanted CS to be part of that equation. I just wish she would stop being angry about everything that has ever happened to her and get on with her life while ending the torment of our child and her perceived "punishement" of me by alienating our child from me.

My father ran from state to state to escape child support too. Back then it was easier to do that too (but it doesn't seem to have improved much has it?). He actually did this on the advice of his lawyer! Good thing I didn't learn from the example set for me!

[cinb85]

You are doing what is right for your child.  I wish that my DD's father felt the same way as you.  I have recently tried to help my ex develop a relationship with our daughter.  He has had very little contact with her for most of her life.  She recently turned 16 and I asked him to plan a birthday party for her with his family (since she has never celebrated her birthday with his family).  He agreed to it and never followed through.  Her birthday was a month ago and we never heard anything from him!

And now he appears to be missing.  His mother told me that she hasn't seen him for a couple of weeks now (he was living with his mother).

I wish that your ex would appreciate the fact that you are a good dad!

[mistoffolees]

I'm not familiar with the process - isn't there some process where you can serve papers on someone from out of state? What about when he comes to visit the kids?