Pissing matches

[Ref]

I really miss the old boards. When people were more concerned with helping each other out then being the one to get the last word in. I have been here for many many years (changing my name once) and I have never seen it get this bad.

There is one specific poster who seems to have an opinion on almost every post that is put on this board. He doesn't like to hear anything he doesn't agree with and doesn't know how to end a conversation without getting the last word in. If he disagrees he becomes condescending, only making the respondent more likely to carry on the pissing match.

It makes me sad to see that this board is no longer focused on helping people but in bickering like children. If I were new to this board I would see this place as a hostile silly environment and would not expect any real support.

Thank you to you oldtimers and many of you newcomers for showing support and lending a hand. You are invaluable but unfortunatly overshadowed buy some other less humble folks.

Best wishes,
Ref

[Davy]

Agreed !  Except there's only one person doing the pissing and nobody knows if the person is standing up or squatting.  I'm reviewing my Squat Manual for behavior traits.

Here's a couple of posts from a like situation several years ago.  I don't think either of the original posters will mind revitalizing their posts (but not in their entirely).


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Posted by xxxxxxxxxxx, ....... 2003 ......        

SPARC has no political affiliations or leanings at all. Period. We're here for families in general, and specifically for children who have parents that are separated or divorced. That's pretty much what we're all about, and that's what we try to stay focused on.


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Posted by xxxxtoxxxxxxx , xxxxxxxx 2003,


Dammit xxxxx you messed me and this group over!


I was on the radio last week again espousing the great website here, and what happens this week (actually today)? I am called by the radio host to defend this sites xxxxxxxxxxxx retoric! DAMMIT we dont need this kind of publicity. In fact I have 2 messages on my voice mail to return a call to a reporter who just recently did an article on our fight here. She wants to know why we are "anti american" and all and the other is to a state representative who wants answers as well. SHHEESH I come home from work to this? . DAMMIT we just shot ourselves in the foot in my state. FREEDOM OF SPEECH HAS RESPONSIBILITIES!

So I guess it is off I go and start all over again to spread the word on a new group of parents/children's rights"!

Very few have fought as long and as hard as I have and for the amount of money spent championing parents/children's rights. I was an admirer of yours in the past xxxxx, but this has hurt our cause!

The reason we xxx can't get it together is because we xxx don't stick together on the topic! STAY ON TOPIC means stick with parents/childrens rights.!!!!

The more people I spread the word to folks about this site, the more folks that read it and many are state legislators and news folks who are wondering just who we are. WE ARE NOT THIS!!

Just as I go to court my exes attorney will now have ammo stating I am a pro/defender of xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx rhetoric. SSHHEESH, she has been trolling here for years and knows who XXXXX is. Dammit. This is very upsetting.

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[olanna]

It might be here as a man...but it ain't.  If any woman would have posted this bs on this website, she would have been chewed up and spat out like fodder.

Pretty clever to come here as a "man" and try to sway the group to think like a fem.

I've been here for a long time....seen this happen before.

[babyfat]

I'm very new here. I was starting to think this is normal here. Is it not? I actually came to this board to gather info. I've been a second wife once and am about to be come one again. I did not encounter the problems I'm having now with the first situation, they worked with eachother on everything for the kids. I wanted to see the problems from others prespective to get a better grasp on the situation. I'm here researching opinion on the system to better understand it. I can tell you I don't view the board as "a hostile silly environment" I see it as having some hostile silly people but most seem helpful and willing to share opinion. As far as "...would not expect any real support" the verdict is still out on that one. I can tell you I already know who's posts to ignore and whose to pay close attention to.

[Kitty C.]

Thanks Ref!  I feel old enough every day when I go to work, dealing with dental students who are young enough to be my child! :-)

But you're right...........I remember what it was like back when this place was 'new'.  It was the ONLY place I had found on the web that actually gave useful information and didn't cannonize me for 'being a woman on a man's site'.   I'm glad to see so many of the friends I made almost 10 years ago still here, but there are also many whom I miss as well.  I have no idea why they left........maybe change of circumstances, maybe things worked out for them.  But it would be a blight on this website if they left because they didn't like the bickering and oneupmanship that has become more and more common.

I surely miss them all, but I stay because I still have many friends here.  I also have been where some of the newcomers are right now.  And if I can give back just a little of what was given to me, then I feel I will be on my way to 'paying back' all that I have gained from this site.

[mistoffolees]

Boo, hoo, hoo.

I guess I missed the memo where you were put in control of who was allowed to post and not to post.

I am entitled to an opinion and am willing to express it - whether you like it or not. If you don't like my posts, don't read them.

In this particular case, I am distressed by the growing radicalism of this group - where a large number of posters are trying to create the message that the entire system is worthless and everyone is going to be harmed by it. Heck, one poster regularly posts advice that the court system has no jurisdiction and can be safely ignored. A newbie seeing that message is going to to make disastrous mistakes. If no one else is willing to speak out against that horrible advice, then I will.

Why don't you read the threads involved. Someone starts out by saying that there's no justice and no one can get a fair shake. I provide evidence that the majority of divorces actually go smoothly and do not end up as endless court battles - and provide evidence. The other people then launch into an endless series of attacks against me, accusing me of lying or being here on false pretenses, and then simply continuing to restate their unproven assertions that it's impossible to get justice.

If you're happy with newbies getting that kind of advice - which is likely to harm them greatly - then feel free. Personally, I prefer for people to see the entire system as it is. Not perfect, but you have to work with it. To me, far better advice is how to work with the system to get the best results you can get rather than spending countless hours whining about how there's no justice for NCPs.

Oh, and btw, it's interesting that you're accusing me of personal attacks and being 'condescending' yet you start an entire thread which is nothing but a personal attack. Do you own any mirrors?

[FLMom]

Ref, I agree with you. I'm an old timer here too. This place never made me feel that I didn't belong here as a mother. I've seen the "pissing matches" too, and they sting.

However, Misto's post has a point, and it's a great one.

I'd like to add one thing more. This place lost someone great with the whole Socrateaser fiasco. I still wonder on a regular basis what the real story was behind why he left. Anyhoo, when Soc was in place and we had someone "boo hoo-ing", we'd send em over to Soc. He'd rattle their cage because he was the voice of reason and logic. If anyone dared question him, dozens of posters would follow up of the reasons why that person should listen to Soc and follow his advice to the letter. (I did, and I have 50/50 today because of him.)

Soc was our leader in a way, and we all had a great deal of respect for him. Now, there's no one to point to as the end all and be all as advice. And as with any forum, when someone hears something they don't want to hear, it becomes bitter and ugly. It's not always the message that we seek to argue with, but the messenger. If the person sending the message is not held in 100% pure regard and respect, there's always going to be a division of "sides".

Until we see ourselves as of the same "side", that of parents that have been through the fights of their lives and have the battle scars to prove it, and also find some way of having respect even though we may disagree, this board will continue to be as it is now. We have the choice to take these "newbies" under our wings and do what SPARC intended, or we can keep snarking at each other and ignore the common goal.

We don't always have to agree on everything. That's a given. I'll respect an opinion if I don't always agree with it. What I don't respect or have any time for is when it turns into pointed comments into someone's personality. Maybe the threads here have gotten a bit "loose" as far as that goes, and I know the mods don't have time to deal with our foolishness. Heck, let's start a "take it outside" forum that's private. If you want to denigrate someone personally it can be done there. I know that there's been one person a while back that I wanted to grab by the neck a few times. . . . .

How bout back to business and try to find some kind of common respect for each other, even if we have differing opinions?

[Ref]

I absolutley don't advocate not allowing a person to post even if they are acting in a way that is detrimental to the board. I am not advocating censorship and am sorry if that is the message people got from the post.

Healthy disagreements are part of the way we sort out what is best for or families and our children.

What I am saying is precisely what you stated, that it saddens me that particular posters do not seem to have respect for others.

I agree. Soc was the voice of reason. If someone were to be obnoxious or think they knew it all, then he would do a fantastic job at putting them in their place. I really wish we had a hands on moderator that could keep this board from turning into ....well what it seems to be becoming.

I love the "take it outside" forum. That is great. It can turn some of the offtopic  garbage off this board and let us focus on what really needs to get done.

Great insight and creativity!

Best wishes,
Ref

[mistoffolees]

>Ref, I agree with you. I'm an old timer here too. This place
>never made me feel that I didn't belong here as a mother. I've
>seen the "pissing matches" too, and they sting.
>
>However, Misto's post has a point, and it's a great one.

Thank you.