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Interesting situation....looking for guidance..m

Started by Giggles, Dec 12, 2007, 05:32:10 AM

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A friend of mine just got her final divorce.  XH was abusive, controling and a severe alcoholic.  They were married for 15 years, my friend never had a drivers license because her X forbade her to have one, wouldn't let her work and would withhold her asthma medication until she had sex with him.  I thank god she finally got away from him!!  Problem is, they have a 10 y/o daughter, my friend got custody, has a job, apartment but still doesn't have a car and only a lerners permit at this time.   Prior to the final decree, my friend would give X $20 EOW for gas because the judge ordered that she provide minimal compensation due to him having to provide all the transportation (she moved 60 miles away because the cost of living in X's town was more than she could afford and to prevent him from constantly harrassing her).  He still complained about having to do all the transportation and how much it was costing him (eventhough she was compensating him for it) and asked to have the CS lowered....the judge granted it but ever since the X has yet to pick up his daughter for visitation...it's been 3 months.  I told her to keep a log of when he is supposed to have their DD and fails to pick her up.  
After how much time can she petition to have full CS reinstated due to his failure to pick up the child?  We're not talking a whole lot of $$$  The original CS amount was set at $275 a month, and he got it lowered to $195.  That $80 a month would go a long way towards food, clothing, and the other things her DD needs!!!
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!


I would say after 6 months....then file.

That seems to be the magic number.

EX#2 also got a reduction in CS for transportation -- and didn't use all of it so far, so I'm facing something similar.


The sad part and what is really becoming a problem for my friend...due to X not picking up DD, DD is now upset with her Dad (rightfully so) and has hinted at not wanting to go with him even if he comes to pick her up...sigh  I so wish I could smack that f@&%^$!!!!

I told my friend that if that should happen, that she needs to stand back and let X work it out with DD...he created the mess...sigh
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!


same thing I tell our son(14)...

If dad doesn't pick a weekend for you to come north, there's nothing I can do....and YOU TWO need to work it out.  Alls I can do is be there when it's time to take you and pick you up and encourage you to keep him in your life.

See -- if I was paying for the tickets, I'd make sure it happened and send him every month.


After all him and his wife put you through.  Her claiming your son as her own, they don't want anything to do with him now that he is with you?


Before you do anything, I'd do the math.

Let's say that your friend gets what she wants - $80 per month added to CS and that it happens on the child's 11th birthday. That's $960 per year or under $7,000 until the child is 18.

In order to get that, she's going to spend several thousand dollars on lawyers, so the benefit will be less - and she'll be in the hole for the first couple of years, at least. And, in return, XH can challenge everything - including custody - and make it even more expensive. Not to mention that there's a risk of all sorts of weird things happening.

Furthermore, her chances of winning are slim. As soon as she files, he'll start using his visitation again and by the time it gets to court (which will probably take several months), he can show his records that he has used 100% of his visitation and she'll look like a fool - and maybe even end up paying his legal bills.

OTOH, if she leaves things alone, she's got all that extra time with the child and she's taking the high road.

Is it worth starting a fight that she might not win and antagonizing a situation which appears to have largely settled down?

Sure, it's not fair, but you've got to play the hand you've been dealt rather than the one you wish you had.


Dad calls often enough, not on any given day, nor according to any schedule, and stuff.

And I think our son is comfortable with the amount of contact he has with dad and he knows that if he has a question (usually about motorcycles), he can pick up the phone and call him.

The big difference is that when Dad calls, no one else gets on the phone when before EVERYONE got on the phone and took their turn.

He came here in early August and started school -- but dad didn't pick a weekend in August to have him back north.  So I took him to Louisville, KY for the NBL Grand races -- which (IMHO) is where dad would have taken him anyways.  Dad was recovering from back surgery during that time and went back to regular work on that Tuesday -- so I'm not totally convinced he couldn't have driven there too for the weekend.....but hey!

For September, dad did not choose a weekend, and he didn't choose one for October either.

Dad gets one weekend a month given two weeks notice just like I had, BUT I have to let Michael fly north (which I agreed to), as opposed to the fact that I had to drive/fly north when shoe was on the other foot.

For November and December, dad hooked his weekend on to his week to include Thanksgiving and Christmas -- which is what I did too to use the time, save money etc...

So -- really January is when "we'll see" what's up...

See...CS kinda comes into play too -- Judge ordered full support to me back in August.  I knew that would make dad mad as he already told our son that he/Dad can't afford to pay support and transportation.  So I took August's support and went to Louisville.  I took September's full support and paid for 2 one-way return tickets for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

When we went for the full hearing in Sep, I agreed to reduced CS and let dad pay for transportation.  It took October to get everything straightened up and caught up, so my guess is that for that month, dad is gonna say "He didn't have the money".

Then for Christmas, he didn't use the airline ticket I had already purchased, therefore spending an extra $175 or so....

I'm like -- whatever.

Michael is doing great and that's what matters.  He knows he is allowed to love his dad and his mom at the same time.  And that's what matters too.  Right!

And dad and Camilla are still printing killing trees....