Someone needs to put her in her place

[c_alexander]

I got off the phone with my ex wife and I am SO frustrated with this situation that I could just scream!!! For sometime now I have been saving every penny I can to move to Colorado so I could be near our 9 year old daughter Jessica. Times have been pretty rough and the savings plan has been anything but smooth, but slowly but surely I am making headway. that is until tonight. I had hoped that my ex wife would be senseable enough to make some kind of agreement as to joint physical custody once I get out to Denver because our daughter has been pestering both of us about it. My ex wife however thinks that SHE is the one calling all the shots and unless I kiss her freaking boots, that I have little to no chance of getting this.

I can not afford to go back to court and fight this, especially if I want to have enough money to move out there too. If I fight this in Indiana, thanks to all the conservative closed minded neanderthals who call themselves judges here I have slim to no chance of getting the joint phhysical custody that both I and Jessica want. If I do nothing and opt to go to Denver without an agreement then I will have to go to court there and to be honest I have no idea what to expect fromthe legal system there other then it is not going to be cheap.

What the heck should I do? What would YOU do?

One other question. Indiana law states that a minor child must be 12 before you can leave them alone legallyotherwise it is considered abandonment...Colorado has NO age limit. According to my understanding of the law, my ex wife is required to follow Indiana law so long as I live in Indiana. Does anyone know more about this?

[MixedBag]

And the only person to do that is you.

I know money is tight.

I know that 99% of the parents out there are advised AGAINST going pro se. (I am -- and I have mixed feelings about that too).

If you do nothing in Denver, you'll be in the same position as you are now....totally frustrated.

IN law for leaving a minor child alone doesn't apply anymore because she's physically in Colorado.  All the stuff regarding divorces and keeping jurisdiction back in IN for that doesn't apply because the LAW in IN that you're referring to (I bet) is not in the family code section that covers divorces.  If it is, then I'm wrong and you can file for contempt in IN under the family codes....  BUT good luck in proving your case.

Between now and your move, read, learn, BUY the family law code book and BUY the family court procedures book from Colorado.  Learn all you can so that when you move, you can lessen your attorney's bill by knowing when to ask questions and when to blow her off.

[joni]

Baby steps.  

First get to Colorado and reestablish a consistent visitation schedule with your daughter.  Then address the legalities.  I think it would be hard pressed with you living out of state and not seeing your daughter regularly to get joint custody, especially since your Ex is going to fight it.

Get yourself established.  Be a classroom volunteer.  Get to know the teachers and see them regularly.  Get involved in your daughter's extracurricular activities.  Put her in extracurricular activities during yoru parenting time and volunteer.  Once you do this, you'll be in a better position to challenge anything.

[c_alexander]

The biggest thing that I have going for me that would help me change our current joint legal custody over to joint physical is that my ex wife's live in boyfriend already shares joint physical custody with his 2 children. Presidence is already set that thiis kind of arrangement will and does work in thier house. Additionally our daughter Jessica was the one that specifically asked her mother and I for this arrangement to begin with. She had asked her mother long before I ever knew about it. This in addition to my unplanned move from Indiana to Colorado just so I can be a part of my daughters life has to count for something.

I want to thank you guys for talking some sense into me. After I got off the phone last night I was so angry. It is so frustrating the position I am in. I feel completely helpless, and I fear going back to court because everytime I have gone back to court they only make things worse. They take all of my evidence and proof that my ex wife is trying to push me out of my daughters life and completely ignore it like it is unimportant. I have tried changing judge's, but it makes no difference.

As for the cahnge in parenting time, something must be changed or worked out before I go. Knowing my ex wife she will hold me to the our current parenting time arrangements if I don't ge tit changed. My biggest question is where should I change it. I have had no luck in Indiana. The judges are conservative, closed minded neanderthals who favor the womans side and have no interest whatsoever in the childs best interests. Is Colorados family law system mre open minded? Does anyone know for sure?

[Bolivar]

First, I would like to congratulate you on moving closer to your daughter Jessica. :-)  That in itself makes you a GREAT Dad in my book. :-)

Second, you will have to go back to court to change custody.

You need a plain of action.  The big question is HOW to develop a plain of action.

Changing custody after divorce papers signed and the CP fighting the idea is very, very, difficult.

Here is a name of someone I am using, perhaps he can help you.  I am in OHIO and do telephone conference calls with him.  

Steven Carlson
ChildCustodyCoach.com
Orange County, CA
(714) 379-0850
//www.childcustodycoach.com
[email protected]

[MYSONSDAD]

This site might be very benificial to you. They are making good strides and much is being down in Colorado, not to mention other States. It will give you a heads up. They are also doing things pro se.

http://www.childrensjustice.org/

"Children learn what they live"

[c_alexander]

Someone...who will remain anonymous as per their request, gave me a good idea on how to fight this custody thing. Basically they told me that when oru daughter was born, that she was born into the custody of both her mother and me. Upon entering a court order that "awarded" custody to my ex wife the courts took away my custody of our daughter, however they did not stick to their own rules as to providing proof that custody should be taken away from me. Basically Indiana law,as with most states, has only certainy situations in which custody can be taken away from a parent. These are usually if there is physical abuse or durg and alcohol abuse evident in the house or if the child is not being properly taken care of. During my divorce we had a social worker come into both my house and my ex wife's house to determine which environment would be best for our daughter. At that time the social worker could not find any evidence of the above listed reasons for taking away custody from me, and even in her initial report to the court stated that she reccomnded the court award me custody. In the end my ex wifes lawyer secretly met with the social worker and somehow got her to change her mind during her testimony however. The legality of this move by my ex wife's lawyer is still unknown. If I can return to court knowing in detail to the letter of the law the specific situations that must occur for a parent to loose custody of a child and apply this to the courts "awarding" of custody to my ex wife then I might be able to beat them at their own game here. I hope to discuss this with my lawyer soon, but I believe that the arguement is solid.

[MYSONSDAD]

Statute 8 was used to take my kids and "award" sole custody.  Statutes 13, 14, and 15, only provided an "option" for joint custody.  They rewrote them all and repealed number 14.
 

SOURCE: IC 31-17-2-8; (05)IN1512.1.22. -->     SECTION 22. IC 31-17-2-8 IS AMENDED TO READ AS FOLLOWS [EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2005]: Sec. 8. (a) The court shall determine custody and enter a custody order in accordance with the best interests of the child. In determining the best interests of the child, there is a rebuttable presumption that joint legal custody and joint physical custody are in the best interests of the child. There is no presumption favoring either parent. The court shall consider all relevant factors, including the following:
        (1) The age and sex of the child.
        (2) The w! ishes of the child's parent or parents.
        (3) The wishes of the child, with more consideration given to the child's wishes if the child is at least fourteen (14) years of age.
        (4) The interaction and interrelationship of the child with:
            (A) the child's parent or parents;
            (B) the child's sibling; and


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            (C) any other person who may significantly affect the child's best interests.
        (5) The child's adjustment to the child's:
            (A) home;
            (B) school; and
            (C) community.
        (6) The mental and physical health of all individuals! involved.
        (7) Evidence of a pattern of domestic or family violence by either parent.
        (8) Evidence that the child has been cared for by a de facto custodian, and if the evidence is sufficient, the court shall consider the factors described in section 8.5(b) of this chapter.
order joint physical custody if:
        (1) the child's parents are willing to advance the child's welfare; and
        (2) the child's parents live in cl! ose proximity to each other and plan to continue to do so.
    (b) The court shall order joint legal custody if only one (1) of the child's parents wants physical custody of the child.



SOURCE: IC 31-17-2-13; (05)IN1266.1.2. -->     SECTION 2. IC 31-17-2-13 IS AMENDED TO READ AS FOLLOWS [EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2005]: Sec. 13. The court may award legal custody of a child jointly if the court finds that an award of joint legal custody would be There is a rebuttable presumption that joint parenting is in the best interest of the child.


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SOURCE: IC 31-17-2-15; (05)IN1266.1.3. -->     SECTION 3. IC 31-17-2-15 IS AMENDED TO READ AS FOLLOWS [EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2005]: Sec. 15. In determining whether an award of If a party seeks to rebut the presumption under section 13 of this chapter that joint legal custody parenting would be is in the best interest of the child, the court shall consider it a matter of primary, but not determinative, importance that the persons awarded joint custody have agreed to an award of joint legal custody. The court shall also consider:
        (1) the fitness and suitability of each of the persons awarded joint custody;
        (2) whether the persons awarded joint custody who would be jointly parenting are willing and able to communicate and cooperate in advancing the child's welfare.
        (3) the wishes of the child, with more consideration given to the child's wishes if the child is at least fourteen (14) years of age; and
        (4) whether the child has established a close and beneficial relationship with both of the persons awarded joint custody;
        (5) whether the persons awarded joint custody:
            (A) live in close proximity to each other; and
            (B) plan to continue to do so; and
        (6) the nature of the physical and emotional environment in the home of each of the persons awarded joint custody.



SOURCE: IC 31-17-2-14; (05)IN1266.1.4. -->     SECTION 4. IC 31-17-2-14 IS REPEALED [EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2005].

 

SOURCE: IC 31-9-2-67; (05)IN1266.1.1. -->     SECTION 1. IC 31-9-2-67 IS AMENDED TO READ AS FOLLOWS [EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2005]: Sec. 67. "Joint legal custody", "Joint parenting", for purposes of IC 31-17-2-13 IC 31-17-2-14, and IC 31-17-2-15, means that the persons awarded joint custody ordered to jointly parent a child will share authority and responsibility for the major decisions concerning the child's upbringing, including the child's:
         (1) education;
         (2) health care; and
         (3) religious training.
However, the term do! es not require an equal division of physical custody of the child.



>I got this off the CCJ site, they are making headway, I think this is something you should look into....

[c_alexander]

Is this Indiana law? It sounds a lot liek what the law used to read like, but even with that is still did not stop Judge almon of Posey County to allow my ex wife to move. He would not even consider a custody change at the time because he did not think that a move halfway across the country was a significant change to warrant a custody hearing.....somebody ever do something SO dumb right in front of you that you had to stop and thinkk about jsut how dumb what they did was?!? haha Thats about what I did when Judge Almon said what he did about a 1,000 mile move not being enough change to warrant a custody hearing.

[c_alexander]

Dear Mysonsdad,

Ok re-reading this I get at what you are pointing out. That is Indiana state law and I can certainly use that to get joint physical custody...Thank you, that really did knock my socks off..haha

Chris Alexander