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"X drew the trump card....very long...sorry.."

Started by hatewelfare, Jan 14, 2004, 11:03:50 PM

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           I give you the order that alowed the a move to Iowa by my x last year. She has called the cops on me twice so far for minor disputs with transportation. Once was the end of my summer vistation I she called me the first weekend on Sat and wanted him returned. I said I had until Sunday night. (minor I know).

Now to the big one. Last weekend I went down to get my son. She never showed up. I was concerned and went to the police station to file a report and have them check for accidents. The officer let me use his cell phone to call her, she never answered. I waited until 1:15 and drove home. I called again...no answer, left message to call me back. I tried again on Sunday night at 9PM now answer...no call back.

Monday I called the X at 7:30 to try and see if she was home....no answer. I then called the school to see if my son was in school. He ended up coming late, the excuse, they overslept.

I'm now worried, I call my x at work and she won't say anything to me. I tell her I had been calling and she didn't pick up or return my calls and she said she nows that. I ask whats up and she says "I can't talk right now" I ask her if she'll be at the exchange piont this weekend and she says "no".

Come to find out she had my son in to be video taped and reported to CPS that I touched his butt. I spent many hours on the phone to find this out. I had to call the school, which wouldn't let me talk to him because of this "investagation" they did piont me in the right direction of calling CPS because I had no idea of anything going on.

Iowa police trasfered the case up to my hometown and I talked to an officer and gave my statement. Basicly the story goes that I touched his butt while we were in bed sleeping, my son said this. He didn't know the date when asked, he didn't know how many times this happed when asked. The officer knows this is a custody disput thing, he said he has seen many of them. They are still waiting for the video tape from Iowa.

Needless to say I am very hurt by these accusations and feel so sad for my son that is being draw into all this crap, just because my x doesn't want me to have visitation.

I talked with the Iowa CPS today and they said if the officer up here doesn't think nothing is going on the they will drop the order to not allow me contact with my son. The officer up here is going to call CPS toady to say just that. He can pretty much see through the whole thing, but needs to wait for the video, then it goes to county attorny. Which the officer said he can't see how I could be charged with anything.

I have many doctors reports dating back to birth about here bring my son in and blaming me for this or for that. One doctor wrote on the bottom "It seems they are trying to make a mounten out of a molehill"

I have no idea of what started all this, I did bring my son to the dentist the last visit and they said he had the start of gingivitus and they filled 2 cavities that were nearly absist. He hadn't been to a dentist in over 3 years.

My son is 9.

Now the question.

1: Do I go back to court for full custody on this?

2: How much weight do judges put on these false accustations with regards to a custody change?

3: X has tried this before about 5 years ago and it was thrown out. Does that help establish a pattern?

4: With just this small bit of info what do you think my chances are of a custody reversal are now?

Below is the order from the judge...she seemed like she didn't want to allow the move but had to under MN law. She made several comments about how we need to work together and she would like to see parents live in the same town or within 50 mile of each other.


Court File No.
Case Type: Dissolution with Children
In re the Marriage of:

the X

Me (hatewelfare),


The above-entitled matter came for argument before the Honorable Sally I-------- R---------, Judge of District Court, on January 17, 2003, for an evidentiary hearing on Petitioner's request for an Order allowing her to move to the State of Iowa with the parties' minor child, over Respondent's objection. Petitioner appeared personally, pro Se. Respondent appeared personally with counsel (My slow attorny). Also appearing was the court-appointed Guardian Ad Litem, K---- P-----. The Court gave Petitioner permission to move to Iowa with the child, subject to conditions set at the hearing and subject to further review hearing on the issue of parenting time, if the parties could not agree.

On the 12th day of March 2003, both parties appeared personally pro Se, for further hearing as to parenting time. Also appearing was the court-appointed Guardian Ad Litem, K---- Pi--------i, who had filed with the Court her recommendations as to the child's best interests.

Based upon the arguments of counsel, the files, records, and
proceedings herein, the Court makes the following:


1. Permission to move to Iowa. Petitioner's request to move with minor child to Iowa is GRANTED. Petitioner's request is conditioned upon (1) Petitioner's full cooperation and compliance with Respondent's parenting time as set forth below,
(2) Petitioner's sharing one-half of the visitation transportation
obligation, and (3) upon the Court's express retention of jurisdiction as the child's "home state" for the purpose of custody jurisdiction.

2. Respondent's Parenting Time. Unless the parties otherwise in the best interests of the child, Respondent have parenting time with the minor child:

a. Every other weekend, beginning at 11:15 a.rn. Saturday until 4:00 p.m. Sunday, with the exchange taking place at Windom, MN. Because of the travel time and the need to exchange at a mid-point, each party shall be prompt in meeting at the exchange point and shall advise the other immediately of any weather conditions which may make travel inadvisable.

b. Summer vacation as follows: from the third week in June through the end of the first week of August, at which time Respondent shall return minor child to Petitioner. Petitioner shall have one weekend of parenting time in June and one weekend of parenting time in July. The parties will mutually decide upon the particular dates for Petitioner's parenting time; if they cannot agree, it will be the last weekend in June and the third weekend in July.

c. Alternating holidays as follows: Easter, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas (Respondent to have parenting time for one-half Christmas vacation every year), and the minor child's birthday.

d. Petitioner shall have the minor child for the weekend of Mother's Day; however, if this causes Respondent to miss a regular weekend visit, the missed visit will be made up within two weeks, unless the parties agree otherwise.

e. Respondent shall have the minor child for the weekend of Father's Day as part of his summer parenting time.

3. Other and Additional Times As Agreed to by Parties. The parties are free to agree to additional parenting time as needed for special family occasions and events. Both parties shall cooperate with each other and be flexible in dealing with unforeseen scheduling issues and any other matters that may arise, affecting the parenting time agreement. Both parties shall take all appropriate steps to avoid conflicts with the schedule, but shall accommodate whenever possible requests for changes so the minor child can attend important family and social events with both parents or with his friends and school.

4. Shared Oblicjation for Transportion. Petitioner and Respondent shall share equally the costs and time associated with the transportation required for Respondent to exercise his parenting time.

5. No Interference. The parties are hereby advised that this Court will view any persistent failure to cooperate, unreasonable denial of parenting time, failure to provide prompt transportation, unreasonable failure to be prompt for exchanges, or any other obstacles or patterns of resistance to parenting time, as intentional interference of parenting time. In accordance with Minnesota law, such conduct could result in a change of custody of the minor child and/or revocation of this Conditional Order permitting Petitioner to move to Iowa with the minor child.

6. Duty of Good Faith. The parties shall use the utmost good faith in dealing with each other as to issues of visitation and other matters involving the couple's minor child. Neither party shall vilify or speak badly about the other parent in the presence or earshot of the child, and neither shall allow the child to be in the presence or earshot of any other person who vilifies and speaks poorly of the other parent. Each parent shall assist the child in making adjustments to the move, and other major changes in the home or living arrangements of the parent.

7. Suspension of Child Support in July. Provided that Respondent remains fully current in the payment of child support throughout the year as previously ordered (on October 26, 2002, as corrected in part on January 4, 2002), his child support obligation shall be suspended and not payable in the month of July every year, to allow for the additional expenses he will have for childcare during his summer parenting time, and also for the additional expenses of transportation occasioned by Petitioner's move to Iowa. This suspension of child support for one month each year is in the child's best interests as it will foster the parent and child relationship with the parent who does not have physical custody during the school year and needs funds to exercise parenting time. Court Administration shall serve a copy of this Order on Todd County Social Services, who shall not withhold child support in the month of July each year, provided that Respondent is current in his payment of support.

8. Retention of Jurisdiction. This Court shall retain jurisdiction of this matter as Minnesota is deemed the child's "home state" for purposes of child custody jurisdiction regardless of the child's move to the State of Iowa, until further Order of this Court. The Petitioner has made various representations to the Court as her lack of intent to deprive the child's father of parenting time and her ability and intent to assist with transportation needed to continue to foster the parent and child relationship between the child and his father. Petitioner's mother made this same representation to the Court in sworn testimony. This Court would not have found the move to be in the child's best interest were there not continuing jurisdiction to assure full compliance and cooperation with Respondent's parenting time.

9. Guardian ad Litem. The Respondent shall pay one-half of the total costs of the Guardian ad Litem on a schedule to be arranged with Todd County Court Administrator --------; the Petitioner, having proceeded In Forma Pauperis, has no present ability to contribute to said costs. The Guardian is hereby discharged from further duties in this case, with the thanks of the Court and the parties for her services in this matter.

10. Service of this Order. A copy of this Order shall be served upon the parties, the Guardian ad Litem, and Todd County Social Services Support Collection Officer (referencing suspension of support in July as per paragraph 7 above).

Dated this 3rd day of April, 2003.


SALLY I----- R------
Judge of District Court



remember this is just my answers, I am not a lawyer and I am not you
I would contact CPS here (don't call, go there) if you are from MPLS, let me know I'll give you the address and file a complaint for abusif behavior and that you are concern after she loose that attack she might harass your son sexualy to say it was you. return it against her

>Now the question.
>1: Do I go back to court for full custody on this?

Won't do a thing especialy that they are in IOWA

>2: How much weight do judges put on these false accustations
>with regards to a custody change?

No idea
>3: X has tried this before about 5 years ago and it was thrown
>out. Does that help establish a pattern?

YES, keep all the proof. Ever thought about playing that little game yourself (without including your son of course)? But do the cops know she sales drug ? Just so she knows how it feels, she might think twice the next time.
>4: With just this small bit of info what do you think my
>chances are of a custody reversal are now?

None (just my thoughts like I said I am not lawyer)

I hope I helped man, I feel so bad for you as I am in the same boat !
good luck



How many times has she denied you visitiaton since moving to Iowa?  THAT will weigh more heavily in court than that of false accusations I believe.

# 5,6, and 8 of your order spells it out quite clearly.

If you can show a repeat pattern of her intentional obstruction of visitaiton time, I think maybe your judge will finally get the picture.

I hope this helped.  Keep us posted on what they say.


I got a call Wed. morning by an attorney hired by the ex. They had filed an Exarte Motion with the court apperanty, then her attorney transfered me into the court room on the phone.
I have not been served ANY papers yet. Yet the judge read some of the ex wants. The main one is to cut of visitation for me! I told the judge that I haven't recieved any papers and her attonery's reason for not serving me is that she didn't have my address. What a bunch of BS. I have an unlisted phone number yet she knew my phone number! Ex has been to my place many times and we even had the GAL here last year.
Ex is playing real hardball on this.
CPS in Iowa told her they couldn't interfer with my court ordered visitation any longer so ex's answer is a Exparte motion against me with out proper service! I am suppose to have visitation this weekend so that is why she is doing this.
I'm suppose to get a call this morning for another 3 way with the judge and ex's attorney. I filed papers yesterday to stop the motion. Wrote them myself...we'll see if it is good enough. It's damn hard to get your attorney to draw up papers on a less than 2 day timeline when he is busy with other cases also.
I also called the school and talked to the Priciple and she couldn't believe what is going on yet. I asked to talk to my son and she got him but he then told her after he found out it was me that he "could't talk to me because I'm under investigation." and then walked away.
I can't believe one person can have so much control over a child!
Damn, we do everything to togeather. I am so hurt and confussed by all this crap the ex pulls all the time.  My son is getting so brainwashed by her and her mom now, it's unbelievable.

It just keeps getting worse and worse...



She can't file for anything in Iowa, your court order clearly states that Minnesota has SOLE jurisdiction over your visitation.  I would freak out on your lawyer.  That is what the hell you are paying him for!!

She has done it this time.  What did CPS say in MN?  Have you been cleared yet?  I know you were suppose to have visitation this morning, so what happened?  Did you go to the pick up point?  Just to show she was interfering again and trying to stop your visitiation?

You need to get this heard in front of YOUR judge not the one down there.  The crap about her not having your address.....is it listed somewhere on the papers.... anywhere she would have a copy of it???

Your judge is going to see right through this little tactic just by reading your order she put things in there that would make me think twice about messing with your visitation!!

Please keep us updated!!  I am praying for you!!  :)  Sunny

8. Retention of Jurisdiction. This Court shall retain jurisdiction of this matter as Minnesota is deemed the child's "home state" for purposes of child custody jurisdiction regardless of the child's move to the State of Iowa, until further Order of this Court. The Petitioner has made various representations to the Court as her lack of intent to deprive the child's father of parenting time and her ability and intent to assist with transportation needed to continue to foster the parent and child relationship between the child and his father. Petitioner's mother made this same representation to the Court in sworn testimony. This Court would not have found the move to be in the child's best interest were there not continuing jurisdiction to assure full compliance and cooperation with Respondent's parenting time.


She did file the Expate order in MN at the Todd county courthouse. It was reported to CPS in Iowa. Just so you understand.
I did get a report back from the county I live in that they aren't persuning it any longer...they dropped the case of "sexual abuse" by me.
I drew up and filed several motions in court the other day and the judge has taken them. 1. I filed an motion to quash her Exparte order (which the judge did not grant because she made a ruling of "primafica evidence" :spelling?: in her afidavite) 2. sactions against her and her attorney 3. a custody reversal in my favor

I cited several state stutues that protect against false abuse claims and from claims to infunace a custody hearing. Those the judge did take and made statements about. I also filed a affidavite in support with police reports and a transcrip of coversations with the ex.

We are having another hearing this Friday by telephone for my missed visit. The judge ordered a evaluation on our son and she is waiting for that to make a ruling on allowing me to see him. I did bring up the fact that she was not answering the phone and made me drive 4 hours for nothing. The judge to her that making me drive 4 hours when she wasn't there was "inexcussable" and by not letting me talk to him by phone she was "risking her custody". She also said that the evauator was to be made aware the there is statements made that the child may be being coached.
The judge further said that if there is nothing very bad in the evalution that I will get my make up time "at least". The judge warned the ex again that PBFH made statements that she wasn't going to interfer with my visitation and she was warned that the judge would switch custody...then the judge said "and I will" if she finds out that PBFH has interfered.
The only thing now is she is claiming I made (spelling) "lasivous acts" with out sexual intent. e are going to a full evidentuary hearing next month.
Fun fun fun...
All this because my son sometimes sleeps with me. NOT NO MORE!!! I have NEVER touched him in any way. I will hug him and kiss him goodnight. I guess that is immoral now.
I will lay all my cards out on the table and say me piece...which will be long and see what happens.


Whoa, I like the judge's wording. :)  She isn't going to mess around with her I don't think.  Sounds like you just need to sit and wait...(like that is easy to do)  The saying is still holding true...if you give'em enough rope..they will hang themselves.

I hope this goes in your favor, you have been through so much.  Do you have more than that one visit under your belt, that will prove she is interfering with your visitation?  I hope you can get her.  don't forget to tell them about what your son said in the principal's office about the investigation and he wouldn't talk to you.  Surely that is not something you discuss with a child.

If you run outta stuff and need some fresh ideas let me know.  Two heads are better than one!!  Hang in there!!  :)


I finally got her affidavte and it is full of lies.

She says "he doesn't want to go to his fathers home. I have to put him in the car crying and yelling."He returns from the visits with me very angry and wets the bed for several nights after his return. He has dreams someone is going to break into our home and shoot everybody. He has to sleep with me because I say I am lonely.
Her mom submited another that says he is afraid to be with me. He is terrifed of having to go visit his father and becomes angey when the visits are discussed. Upon returning he stomps around, slams doors, is very rude to all family members ans has alot of trouble sleeping. it goes on and on.

I am beside myself with all this stuff. I can't believe it! PBFH said I and my son were mad last time I dropped him off. The last time I dropped him off I explained I had taken him to the dentist and he had the start of gingivits and 2 cavities that needed filling. I told her he needs to brush his teeth every day and night.
He has never wet the bed with me, never slams doors.  I have a girlfriend fo 5 years that I've been with and spend 95% of my time with him and I there. We sleep together and he sleeps with the other kids. The only time he sleeps with me is at my familys house(lack of enough beds) and a few times at my house.

She also said she took him to the doctor and he refused to take his pants off so that the doctor could examine him. He didn't want the doctor to touch him or look at him.

What the He--- is that all about? What kind of sick person would put their son through all this!!??

She also says I have a violent temper and she was in a womans shelter twice while she lived with me because of my abuse of her.
All B.S. She never called or made police reports against me. I never hit her, yelled at her etc etc.

I bought him a BB gun this Chrismas and he loved shoting it, what 9 YLD boy doesn't? Judge order a evelauation done...can't remember what one it's called. I'm afraid that she has warpped him mind so he will say anything she wants him to while he is in her care.

How do you fight all these lies??
The "therepy she started on the 19th is with  Jennifer Burrows, L.L.S.W. at Dean & Associates. I would imagine that is in Soiux City Iowa. and she will do the evlauation the judge order.

His Grandma had adopted two of PBFH brothers of  kids. Both of their parents had their rights taken away. It came up in court that they "may have been sexualy abused"...by who I don't know. But they know the system and are working it to a T now. I'm afriad that this Jennifer has helped them before and will be on their side.

I can't afford a lawyer right now to fight all this. I can't believe the system is this bad....it's a living nightmare for me.


something stating that she NEVER made these abuse claims (either you against her or you against your son) until AFTER the judge allowed her to move to Iowa -- and ordered that MN retained jurisdiction.  My BIGGEST question is why these problems cropped up ONLY AFTER her move -- NEVER before.I mean, the judge should be able to see this, however, your case is probably huge and the judge can't re-read everything.

Also, my yss does the crying thing about coming here -- we discovered that it is because she tells him "even though you don't like it there, you HAVE to go or [dh] will take you away from me forever".  Mind you, he DOES like it here, but she hid from dh for the first 7 years of ss's life (he's now 10) and has an extremely strong (not in a normal parent/child way though) bond with his mother.

My bet is the behavior problem has been created and fostered by pbfh and her mother so that your son truly thinks he doesn't like going there due to their coaching.

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. ~  Will Rogers