Anyone have Referee Leppanen from Ramsey County?

[TJRodolph]

I did some more reading about BPD....and I do believe the custodial mother definately falls under the high conflict personality disorders...no doubt. I always thought she was unrealistic, and carried her anger for FAR too long.

I do not know what the kid thinks of his mother, we haven't had him in our possession long enough to find out, and my husband can't get him to discuss anything important on the phone cuz his mother monitors the calls and if he disobeys or makes his mom mad at all, he gets punished. The kid has told us though, that he is a hard-headed boy...and I asked him why he thinks that and he said "cuz I AM a hard-headed boy." I heard his mom call him that on the phone on the 1st day we had him last summer, she was mad at him for playing with a noisey toy on the plane. Well why the heck did she send the toy with him in his ccarry on backpack if she didn't want him to play with it? That was just setting him up. Obviously this kid has low self esteem issues already.

Oh, and when the two times we had him (one week in Dec 04 for the parenting evaluator to meet him) and this past summer.....the mother only sent him with ONE backpack of clothes! No toothbrush, no hairbrush, no medicine. After Xmas of 04, we bought him a BIG suitcase and had sent it back with him with over $500 worth of clothes and toys. Mother claims the airlines lost it. Then a week later she said they found it. There is still discrepany on whether the child actually got that stuff or not....since when we asked him about certain gifts, he says the airlines lost that stuff. He said his mother took his photobook (of us in MN) and hid it in HER room...but that he sneaks in there sometimes to look at it. Just sad.

THe child lives with his (step) grandpa more than his mother. She claims the child is only there when she works the night shift. Well she works full time night shift and sleeps during the day. How much time does that leave for attention for the kid? hmmmm.... and the grandpa refuses to give us his phone number so my husband can't talk to the kid...saying his number is private and he can just call for the kid when he is at his mom's house. Well we all know that is cuz the mom wants to be able to monitor the calls. And she also tells the kid NOT to discuss school or medical stuff with dad either.

The step-grandpa just got married last month (the mom's birth mother died a few years ago). And the kid told my husband that he only has one granny now. So my husband says "what about Grandma Olivia and Grandma Jo?" and the kids says "oh yea". Olivia is my husband's mother (who talks to the kid every week and has had him for visitation in NY almost every year for his first 5 or 6 yrs of life) and Jo is my mother.

It says in the stuff I have been reading, that people with BPD are very convincing in court, trying to make themselves look like the victim with their emotions...and that courts are more fair with written documents vs. actual testimony....so I am thinking we'll go for the affidabvit submittal verses the evidentiary hearing. I am SURE the pbfh will go for that cuz she won't want to spend the money or time to come to MN again. LOL

[TJRodolph]

Update.....pbfh sent a letter to the judge, requesting a later court date as plane tickets are over $1000 since there is less than 21 day notice and she cannot drive to MN as she would miss too many days from work and could possibly lose her health benefits for not working X amount of hours per week.  Judge just sent my husband a letter stating she rescheduled from 2/14 to 3/13 on the request of the custodial mother. UGH! Now she has another month to manipulate her case. I am furious. But she does have to appear in person, cannot do a phone conference.

I guess this will just give us more time to get more evidence. Such as pbfh's 30 day response time to the Interrogatories Request is up, getting ready to send a letter to her saying if she doesn't reply within 15 days, that we will file a motion to Compel Discovery...in which case she will have to come to court again!

Our next parenting time is April 1st, one week after the court hearing date. So hopefully we can get an evaluator to meet with the son during that week.

[TJRodolph]

Updates.....I sent a 2nd request to BM re: the interrogatory request and said that if she doesn't reply within 15 days that I was going to file a Motion to Compel and for sanctions. Well, a week later she sent me a response....but it was unresponsive....I asked questions like....what is the name of your employer, address and work schedule...A: This is not your concern.....How many hours a week does my son spend at your father's house....A: This is not your concern......How many different jobs have you had in the past 2 yrs....A: this is not your concern.....What school does our son go to?...A: will be discussed in court. What is the name of our son's doctor and therapist?....no answer given. What health insurance is our son covered under since you refuse to use my insurance? A: will be discussed in court. You get the drift. So anyhow, I am still filing a Motion to Compel tomorrow because the majority of her answers were un-response, and she is obligated to answer those questions. Also, I am sending in a supplemental affidavit to my change of custody so the Referee can read my interrogatories and her response before we even get there. The BM just totally ruined her credibility now and I am SURE the judge will have questions for her.

But now I have a new problem. Ever since the BM received the custody motion, my son has been acting differently toward me on the phone. He doesn't seem excited to come see me anymoew. I ask him things like how school went, what did he study, and he says "why do you keep asking me all those questions?!" When I told him last night that I bought his ticket and mailed it to his mom already and that he is supposed to get on the plane on April Fools Day...all he said was "I think I have school that day". I believe the pbfh is now badmouthing me to our son, turning him against me. His whole attitude has changed.