Mother Trivializes my plans for x-mas

[c_alexander]

Man I was so mad. Thsi is my first x-mas here in Colorado with my daughter Jessie. All of my family and friends are back in Indiana and I miss them terribly, but I know I have to be here for my little girl. Anyway I have put everythign I have into providing a good Christmas here for my daughter and I and my ex wife is now pissing all over it. She has chopped the weekend so much our daughter is going to get whip lash from goign back and forth between the hosues. Then she has my daughter call me just now and ask if she can goto a party at her mom's BF's parents house because her mom told her all of the kids are goign to be there. Now I ask you what kid is goign to want to goto their dad's house and have a quiet little x-mas when a party full of kids to play with is going on?
I swear little garbage like this is constantly comign up. Her mother is goign to school full time and working as an EMT and the BF and I are raising Jessie. Jessie crys often about how she has no time with her mom, but I would be a creep if I told her the truth that her mom is more concerned with herself then Jessie. It is SO had to continue to be the good guy. How can anyone in good conscience act ths way?

Bottom line I stuck to my guns told Jessie that tongiht was OUR X-mas and that we already had plans. Now she is upset with me for not lettign her go, when it was her mother who KNEW we had plans and sought to trivialize them and villianize me. I never thought I, of all people , was capable of hatred, but I truly hate this woman.

merry X-mas

[4honor]

Turn off the frustration with her mother. Make it all about her and you and the reason for the season.

Chris, you need to let her know that it is important to build some traditions between the two of you, so that she can have some wonderful memories as she grows up. If she brings up the other party, let her know that you are just certain that her mother can arrange for other times when she can play with her cousins, but there is only one Christmas 2005 for you two to share, and not to sweat the little stuff.

[evalisto2005]

>>>Turn off the frustration with her mother. Make it all about her and you and the reason for the season.

Chris, you need to let her know that it is important to build some traditions between the two of you, so that she can have some wonderful memories as she grows up. If she brings up the other party, let her know that you are just certain that her mother can arrange for other times when she can play with her cousins, but there is only one Christmas 2005 for you two to share, and not to sweat the little stuff.

I agree, easier said than done but I agree. Maybe your daughter is acting out a little because she can tell that she's being put in the middle and she wants to show that she's hurt? You don't have to say a thing about her mother. She will know the truth.

I've been there. My son's mother went back on her word with Thanksgiving visitation this year. She then had her mother lie and say that when I called to talk to my son's mother about my son's well being that I threatened to kill her. The police kept calling and calling me saying that I was committing harrassment by telephone when I was not. Next thing I knew there was an advertisement for legal services in my mail box and it said that I had a criminal case pending. I checked and it was right. There was no bond set yet so I had to hire an attorney and turn myself in at the courthouse, have bond set, and wait in jail for a while before getting released. When I got out my son's mother was right there with our son and she confronted me. She told the police that I threaten to kill her every time that I call her but then she shows up to aggravate me and use our son as a weapon and a shield.

Last year I had court ordered visitation for Christmas and my son's mother's mother paid an ex of mine to get a b.s. restraining order against me. In my state a woman needs no proof at all to get a temporary order. My son's mother kept that ex around her so that I wouldn't be able to go near my son. Right before I was served with the b.s. order, the ex lied to the plice and said that I beat her, punched and kicked her, choked her, and threw her down a flight of stairs. But thank God the woman was crazy and stupid enough to say on my voice mails that if I didn't call her back she'd go to the police and tell them that I beat her. I was never even questioned about it and was not prosecuted but it  was pure hell.

I'm not the hating type either but I hate my son's mother like no one could imagine.

[dipper]

I feel for you - after all that you have done just to be there.  Unfortunately, these little tricks do tear the children up. As you said, a child wants to be with other children...but, I tell you what.  I was reading a story recently (chicken soup kind) and this lady was telling about a standing dinner date she had with her dad every week - he let her choose the place and she could talk about anything and never be judged.  This went on from childhood until he passed away many, many years later.

This may be something you can do to cement a real connection that no one can rip from you.  If you cant afford to go out - make a menu of items you can afford and let your daughter pick what she wants to eat.  

I think its total BS what the mother is doing.   Some people use the children no matter the cost....

How did it turn out by the way?

[backwardsbike]

Chris,

I deal with this stuff all the time.  My X married a lady with a huge family.  They are wealthy and each of her parents ( they were divorced and remarried others) has huge luxurious lodges that the whole gang get together to party at.

There are ton of "cousins". I have a very small family.  I have a nice home, but no vacation homes, no ATVs etc.  That's probably casue I will be paying support for the next five years yet.  I do have sibs for my NC kids as my second hubby and I went on to have two additional kids.

After doing this stuff for 8 years I have learned from my DD that there is one cousin she especially likes.  My DD is 13 and so is the cousin. My D asked this year if she could go to thier X mas party cause this cousin would be there.  I even chatted with the girl online.  

I one upped them. I invited the "cousin" to MY house!  And her dad and the grandmother refused to let her come!  Now its on them.  These girls saw that I wanted them to have time together.  I had a plan where they could get together without my loosing any of my very precious time with my kids and the other side BLOCKED my efforts!

Now my DD sees who is the unreasonable party.  I think she is getting the idea that they are pulling her away from her family here by telling her about these social gatherings.  I gave my kids pocket calendars with all my visitation for 2006 highlighted.  I told them those highligted dates were special dates for them and for me to be together.  I told them that as members of this family they were need here when they are supposed to be here.  i told them that if anyone invited them to soemthing on a date that was highlighted they could just say, " Sorry, I already have plans with my mom for that day.  maybe another time?"

Good luck.  DOn't let them rain on your parade with you DD.

[zutalurs]

What is it about Christmas that makes these custodial parents go crazy and forget about their children's welfare.
I was suppossed to have Christmas with my son, starting at Noon on Christmas day.  That morning, on my drive to pick him up, the BM calls me and says that unless I can prove to her that I have adequate sleeping arrangements for him at my father's house for that night, there was no way I was getting him.  I told her he would have his own bed in a room of his own, but that wasn't good enough.  she wanted to see it in person.  Then, when I told her to come up to my dad's huose to see it, she got about halfway there and then turned around and left.  She claimed she decided she wasn't going out there alone, even though she already had her brother and his girlfriend with her.  She said she wouldn't come out without a police escort.  Since there is no history of any violence, I know the police will not give and escort.  Trust me, I've tried to get one for exchanges every since the BM and her father assualted me in their front yard one time.  The police just will not come unless something has already happened.
So, knowing that she wouldn't come without the escort that would never happen, I had to tuck my tail between my legs and not see my son for Christmas or the week following which was suppossed to be his time with me.  I haven't seen my son since the beginning of December because of this crap from her.