Can a father really get custody???

[dsm]

Kids handle stress in different ways, and sometimes it is not even seen that they are under stress.  Some withdraw; others act out.

Again, you should get very close to her teachers - email them regularly.  Visit as often as you can.   Let THEM tell you what they see going on day in and day out - get THEIR suggestion for what would help.  Truly, they will become strong contacts for you and give you references when/if it comes to the point of needing character letters.

And something else that I wish we would have investigated closer and sooner - if your ex is admitting to YOU that she is overwhelmed and cannot handle things - she is admitting it and displaying it in other ways.  Contact the local child welfare and request a copy of any and all reports that involve your daughter.  We did this towards the end of our battle and the case file was 1 1/2 inches thick just on concerned neighbors, teachers, family members reporting that there was negligence going on.  Don't accuse your ex of anything - just request a copy of any records they have that involve your daughter.


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dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

[Dez]

>>What the ex doesn't know is the under the advisement of my lawyer I have most of these conversations recorded.<<

Not sure why your lawyer wanted this, unless he/she just wanted to hear them first hand. Remember, you'll be paying by the hour for them to listen to the tapes.

That said, I've never heard of a tape recorded conversation being admissible in court without consent of the recorded party. With messages left on an answer machine being the only exception that I know of.

I'm not a lawyer...just my 2 cents. Good luck to you.

[msme]

Tapes may not be admisable in court but they can prove invaluable for a evaluator or a guardian et Liedum to here.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[pw7285]

The ex continues her "mood swings" even tonight!

I haven't talked to my daughter in 3 days and when I call before 6PM as requested by mother she says, "we're busy call later" then hangs up.  When I do call back she doesn't answer. This is her way of controlling the situation.

This is the type of sh** I have to deal with.  She knows what upsets me and that anything involving my daughter drives me crazy.  I strongly feel that she uses our daughter as a tool and loves the attention when complaining (poor me, I am the only single parent in the world) to her friends and family about how miserable her life is.

Meanwhile, my daughter wonders "why hasn't dad called me".  That's the part that drives me crazy because it isn't for lack of trying.

[debid13065]

Keep calling her, send her a card for Valentines.  Chances are that will spark a reaction in your X.  Have you ever heard of Boarderline Personality Disorder?  Check it out.

[pw7285]

I send her cards for Valentines Days and her B-Day if she isn't with me.  In fact, I even send her mother a card "from our daughter" on her B-day and Mothers Day.

So I looked into Borderline Personality Disorder.  WOW, what an eye opener.  The link on this site is:

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/disorders.php

It goes over various conditions and disorders.  I truly believe she has issues.  Another example:

Finally got to talk to my daughter last night and about 4 minutes into our conversation she says, "mom wants to talk to you".  Ex gets on the phone and says she can no longer afford her cell phone or home phone so I will need to figure out another way of communication with our 6yr old daughter.  Then she proceeds to pick a fight when I say that this is unacceptable.  This disagreement goes on for about 15 minutes then daughter gets back on the phone and sounds sad.  I apologized to her that she had to hear that and that dad would figure out a way.  Come to find out, mom was "having a bad day" cause she got her 4th ticket in as many months.  Daughter called back 2 hours later to say good night and ex got back on the phone nice as could be telling me about the new coat our daughter was going to start wearing to school and how nice she looked in it?!?!?!?!?

What can I do? I would offer to pay for her basic phone line in order to maintain our communication.  As a custodial parent, doesn't she have an obligation to promote contact between the child and the non-custodial parent?  She lives in an apartment and without a phone what about emergencies? I am not comfortable with this at all.

[JLMEMT]

This sounds like my ex.  Not all of your problem applies, but this exert certianly does.
I'm just looking into trying to get custody.  We were never married and have no court ordered custody.  I'm not as active as I should be because she does everything she can to block me.  She won't answer the phone, tells my daughter I don't care, ignores my messages, changes plans at the last minute, etc.  So I feel what you are going through.  I do live a lot closer though.
In a lot of states, including IA, you can record phone conversations if one party knows.


Good luck!

[Stepmom0418]

Well its been a long while since I have stopped in here. Good to see the newcomers and also the longtimers that are still here at Sparc.


I reside in Iowa and I would say that Iowa is on the road to giving fathers more rights. There is a new joint physical care law and there are many trying to improve that law even more.


If you have more specific questions feel free to send me a pm. I will help the best I can or at least try to point you in the right direction

Oops forgot to add that Iowa is a one party state so those recordings maybe admissable but would also depend on laws in your state. My dh used recordings in court of phone conversations but both parties live in Iowa


Another thing to think about is who moved away you or her and what about you relocating to Iowa so you could share joint physical care?? Just a few things to ask yourself

[pw7285]

More information that supports my efforts at gaining custody of my daughter.

Visited my daughter over the long weekend.  Had a phone conference with her teacher regarding her progress report and how well she is doing.  I was told that she has so much potential if she were only here on a consistent basis.  From Aug 05 - Present she has missed 28 days and been tardy 25 times!!!

Her teacher told me that the principal has sent out a letter already and that if the truancy continues an Attendance Officer from the school district will contact her and could potentially be assessed a fine. Granted our daughter was sick on many of these absences.  It's the tardiness that concerns me.  It disrupts the other students at least 3X's a week.  Of course she always has an excuse and it always revolves around our daughter being sick, getting sick, recovering from being sick or looking like she is getting sick...  

Our daughter does have allergies and a compromised immune system but mom has also been accused many times as being a hypochondriac.  Even before she had our daughter she was ALWAYS on the computer searching for anything and everything health related.  Some people including myself search for possible causes and read up on signs and symptoms but with her it was always the worst-case scenario.  Having said that, I am concerned that mom is a bit over the top on every common cold symptom that she is depriving our daughter of her education and social skills because she treats everything as life threatening.  My daughter is not a pincushion or her little science project; she needs to be in a better environment.

[Davy]

Consider researching Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.

(excerpt from an article on same)
 
Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP) is a form of child abuse in which a caretaker or parent, usually the mother, systematically fabricates information about a child's health or intentionally makes the child ill -- in order to assume the sick person's role by proxy. Although unexplained persistent or recurrent illnesses or injuries involving a child (and possibly siblings) are potential clues to MSBP, the diagnosis can be elusive.

And .... this condition can follow a child into adulthood.  The sick person may be able to desolate a child in order to make the child dependent on them.

Note that diagnosis can be elusive primarily.  I think, it is a matter of social conditioning that mothers are nuturing. In some documented cases, suspicious hospital medical staff have successfully used hidden cameras to gather evidence.

No pun intended but it is a hard pill to swallow for most people.